How to Painlessly Cook a Turkey (at least for you, if not the turkey)

Cooking with Judy
 

I have a reputation, among those who love me,  to have an “interesting” sense of humor.  Even though this sounds like a joke IT IS NO JOKE.
I read about this and tried it.  The turkey comes out brown, beautiful and MOIST.  I’ve done this every year for over a decade and it’s never failed.  (One time I did a 20-plus pounder and parts were not completely cooked so I zapped the parts in the appliance of choice – my microwave)
I’ve shared this with many others and it has failed only once — the woman bought a ButterBall Turkey . . . and has never eaten turkey since. To see why, keep reading.

 


Ingredients:
10 – 18 pound turkey* and a sense of adventure
Directions:
  • Clean the bird
  • Throw it into a covered container – put on lid or aluminum foil
  • Do not add ANYTHING to the pot and/or the bird.
  • PreHeat oven 500 degrees
  • Do NOT baste or look at until time is up  (you will hear burbling, don’t worry, by the time you hear burbling the turkey is dead)
  • Bake (and I do mean BAKE), 7 minutes per pound, unstuffed
  • 7 1/2 minutes per pound, stuffed
WARNING: Do NOT buy any *turkey that has ANYTHING injected under the skin (especially butter!) or the fire department will be there and you will be scrubbing black soot from your ceiling.
Q & A (I won’t bother you with the Q-part)
  • Yes, it comes out brown and beautiful.
  • No, it is moist and delicious
  • I always put the stuffing in a casserole rather than the turkey – others have stuffed the bird and said it was great.
  • Yes, it will smell like Thanksgiving not like a house-on-fire.
  • No, PETA would not endorse this because it is more humane for the cook
  • Yes, 500 degrees.  It is not a typo
  • Yes, 7 minutes a pound
P.S.  The first year I made the turkey this way I had it sitting out raw and naked as a J-bird when the guests arrived.
When they found out nothing was in the oven they nervously inquired what time we were going to eat.
Made me smile.

2 comments on “How to Painlessly Cook a Turkey (at least for you, if not the turkey)

  1. Hehehe I have to try this with my post-new-year’s-i’m-finally-not-sick-of-turkey-turkey-bought-at-thanksgiving-while-turkeys-are-super-cheap turkey! I’m no cook, so minimal prep + short cook time = SIGN ME UP!

    Like

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