I heard Scott Hamilton being interviewed this morning. What Scott said resonated with me:
“It’s not about falling.
It’s about getting up.”
Scott Hamilton, 1984 Olympic Skating Gold Medalist
I’ve been having more and more conversations with clients about really painful things that continually happen their lives. The perennial questions and thoughts: “Why me?”, “Am I being punished?”, “What is the reason for this?”, “It’s not fair.” I’ll never recover from the impact on my life.” I must be guilty and deserve this.” . . . “How do I release the pain?”
After over 2 1/2 decades now working with people in emotional and physical pain (and having had a small sampling myself) I have arrived at these conclusions:
- “Life is about loss, changing, growing, and making the right choice(s)”.
- Pain is the signal that loss has occurred. It’s our body and mind’s signal something needs to change.
- The motivation to change, grow and make the right choice are PAIN and FEAR. As I always say: NO one has ever come into my office and said “My life is great. Here’s money. Let’s talk about changes I can make”
- When we ask questions “Why me. It’s not fair etc. I view it as a spiritual crisis. Whatever religion or persuasion (and yes, atheism is a belief system) when we ask these kind of questions, we are asking for answers about belief. We are asking the questions because we search for meaning or “positive reasons” for what befalls us – regardless of whether we know why it has happened.
- Faith in God is based on the rightness of life, not the “wrongness”.
- Fairness does not always mean pleasure. Somehow some of us have erroneously developed the idea that when things are FAIR it’s because “I like the outcome”. Life is fair whether the outcome is pain or pleasure, whether we like it or not.
- Our work is to embrace what happens and learn, change, grow and make the right choice(s). Which brings me full circle back to #1.
That’s my belief. I wonder what yours is?
Skating, walking – sounds a like LIFE to me:
“The difference between walking on a floor and skating on ice is the lack of friction –– the force that occurs when two objects slide against each other dissipating their energy of motion. The rougher the surfaces, the greater the force of friction they will exert. The smooth surface of the ice allows the skater to glide across without friction stopping her as soon as she has begun.
Friction does play an important role in figure skating. Without it, skating would not be possible. Remember Newton’s first law of motion? An object in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by a force. It is the force of friction between the skate and the ice that allows the skater to come to a stop.”