Ph.D from U. of MOM

The U. of MOM Curriculum.

For those of you who left school before graduation here are the Cliff Notes.

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

5. My mother taught me ADVANCED LOGIC .
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTION-ISM.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .
“Stop acting like your father!”

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
“Just wait until we get home.”

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING ..
“You are going to get it when you get home!”

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”

19. My mother taught me ESP.
“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
“You’re just like your father.”

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS .
“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

26.My mother taught me about CHOICE.
“Do you want me to stop this car?”

Thanks Norris & Sharon!

11 thoughts on “Ph.D from U. of MOM

  1. Hahaha! Thanks for this! So funny! I just reTweeted this. Our mothers must have all gone to the same teacher training programs….

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  2. I said the exact same thing that Rosemary did!!! (no surprise there) I got the don’t cross your eyes, they will be stuck like that forever, don’t tell me what other parents do, those parents are not YOUR parents…..and the tradition lives on. I find myself saying just a few of those to my kids too. Gentle hugs, and a spoon full of honey for Max, Laurie

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  3. My mother taught me about the less fortunate.
    Mom: Eat your food, there are starving people in China.
    Me: Let’s wrap it up and send it to them because I’m not eating it.

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      1. Mom was relieved when I got (with parents permission) sex education at school (grade 4, 5 or 6). She didn’t want to tell me anything — the only time she discussed “woman things” was to explain about my period that started at age 12.
        Mom’s sex education advice when I was going overnight camping with a guy I was seeing (I was 18 or 19, but still living at home: “It takes two to tango.”
        I got “I’ll give you something to cry about” and the classic “Wait til your father gets home.”
        Her advice on beauty: no plucking eyebrows or shaving legs til I was 16 because the hair will grow back twice as as much and twice as fast.
        Stop putting your hair behind your ears. You ears will start to stick out and grow bigger.
        Stand up/sit up straight. Put your hands in the back pockets of your pants/jeans, not the front ones.
        Thanks for sharing this — with your permission, I’d love to reblog this. The comments are great too.

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        1. Lorraine,
          You have my permission to reblog anything you like — anytime you want.
          The “It takes Two to Tango” is one I’d forgotten! Come to think about it – you CAN tango alone – no one EVER mentioned that!
          I also got the hair growing back twice as much and twice as fast.
          I got “Don’t pick your nose, you will stretch it out” from an aunt. That may be true as my nose is definitely longer now than when I was young . . .

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