Dear Terry G.,
Thank you for your invitation to our 50th high school reunion this coming weekend in Phoenix. However . . . I would have appreciated a warning notice that the invite was coming with an alert to be sitting down before I read it. Your first sentence: “Oh my gosh . . . a half a century . . . just doesn’t seem possible!” set off an eye twitch that has not subsided.
50 years!!!!!!!! Half a century!!!!! Terry, Terry, Terry, when we were in high school, people our current age were dead at worst or senile at best. Please never lead off any invitation with a reference to centuries or decades.
To add to the assault you included my senior class picture. Please don’t get me wrong – I appreciate your taking the time to scan pictures into your invite and I admire your creativity but honestly Terry my second eye started twitching.
WHO is that girl? You must have air-brushed the wrinkles out, colored the hair? I absolutely remember that is NOT how I looked. I was much plainer looking . . . (no wonder I’m a psychotherapist)
You went the extra mile scanning the picture of the student body executive board into your invitation but . . . when I saw it I got queasy. I had big crush on the President, Bill Nelson. He never seemed interested in me so I never told anyone. Unrequited love really hurts . . . (no wonder I have a heart arrhythmia.)
You really went all out to include a list of all the honors & activities I was involved in. Wow! I was really active – (no wonder I’m always tired now).
However, Terry, it’s the very last entry in the list of accolades and activities that created outright nausea:
Miss “Senior Hambone”
I am looking forward to seeing you Terry. It has been a very long time. I’m glad you included your senior picture and your current picture on the invitation so I will recognize you. You’ll have no trouble recognizing me. I’ll be the one with both eyes twitching, periodically running to the bathroom.