Frankly Freddie: Commentary on a lazy rhino & stupid research

Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Dear Human Beings and Canine Dog Colleagues,

My human being just showed me this article and video.  It seems she has more time on her hands than she admits.

Can you believe the laziness of this rhino!!!? – standing in one spot, barely moving.  He has such potential which he squanders by marking such a small area.  I, on the other hand, mark every 2 – 4 feet on a mile walk.  My domain reaches far and wide.

It takes a lot of  time, effort and responsibility to maintain my territory but it’s worth every squirt.

If you have a lot of time on your hands you can read the entire post by clicking on the title.

Canine Urination 101: Handstands and Leg Lifts Are Just the Basics

By Julie Hecht

“Patricia Yang and colleagues at The Georgia Institute of Technology have a similar interest in measuring things that might seem odd to measure. They’ve submitted the abstractThe Hydrodynamics of Urination: to drip or jet to the Annual Fluid Dynamics Conference held by the American Physical Society in late November”.

“Using “high-speed videography” and “flow-rate measurement” they investigated independent urination styles, such as the dripping of small mammals and the “jetting” of large mammals. (This research is flawed.  I do NOT drip.  I squirt). New Scientist interviewed Yang and the coverage touches on urethra length, gravitational pull (That’s the only part that makes sense.  It’s far easier to mark my territory during the full moon) and the number of seconds it takes to empty bladders. (SECONDS to empty!!!  I have such superb technique that I can mark territory for 40 minutes or more)  I eagerly await how the published study links Newtonian physics to urine”!

(Julie Hecht has too much time on her hands too)

My final comment on my commentary:  I wouldn’t want to meet that Rhino on one of my territorial walks.


Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist

6 comments on “Frankly Freddie: Commentary on a lazy rhino & stupid research

    • Dear Lexi-Pro, Canine Dog
      I told her that your human being is now fixated with the peeing Rhino image. She smiled and said, “That’s a good thing, it will take her mind off of pain, stress & fatigue. Just tell her to stay close to a bathroom.”

      Humans? Hard to figure them out but ya gotta love them.
      Freddie Parker Westerfield. CDT


      • Dear Freddie Parker, Canine Therapist,
        My human told me to tell your human that the only physical pain and stress she is feeling is coming from the nausea that she gets when she remembers that ridiculously big rhino peeing for hours on end. She wishes she could forget this image and is now nostalgic for those cute puffer fish. No, this is not a longing to see those again. Perhaps something, NORMAL? How about a photo of you Fred? Perhaps posing with a cookie! Thank you for noticing my maturity. I am also way more affectionate ( with my human what choice did I have?) I will be 2 on February 16th. If you are in the neighborhood please stop by and bring edible presents (i share). Love, Lexi-Pro, almost 2, affectionate dog.


  1. Dear Freddie, Canine Dog Therapist
    I would watch your Human Friend very closely for symptoms of stress, fatigue and other unusual, disturbing things. Watching this Rhino Pee the entire time could be a cry for help, no, not for the rhino for for your Human. She really does have too much time on her hands. Don’t you realize she could be FEEDING you cookies and taking you on walks instead of this,,,ummm stuff? Stand up for yourself, Freddie. Do I have to do all the work? Love, Your gal-pal, Lexi-Pro


    • Dear Lexi-Pro, Canine Dog,
      I’m so proud of you. You are becoming so astute as you mature. Excellent observations. My Human Being is stressed, fatigued and generally shows signs of being a bit wacko.
      I do try to take her on walks, let her pet me a lot to help her reduce her stress. But I will admit she increasingly is finding more and more bizarre things to focus on. The peeing Rhino is one example. She says she watched it because she always wanted to visit Africa . . .

      Frankly yours,
      Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT


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