My Birthday Season . . . I’m still 70

Received this birthday “reminder” from my friend Sharon, who, yes even after receiving this, I still call my friend.

Questions and Answers from CARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible… Is that true?
Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt…”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out..

Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

 

4 comments on “My Birthday Season . . . I’m still 70

  1. OUCH! Though I think the resurgence of comedy clubs could mean there is a niche for 70+ comedians/humor. Venue would have to offer tickets at a Senior discount rate and be the 4:00 PM show (or matinee) so naps and the discount at Country Buffet can be used.

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