Thank you for all your responses to my survey. I got treats for being supportive.
Peggy and my human are excited to launch their new blog CATNIP
I’m getting excited too cuz I’m being supportive and will get treats for my contest.
I keep asking them Why on earth name the new blog CATNIP and not FREDDIE?
According to humans, catnip makes you mellow. (What they don’t know is it drives cats wild with desire.) Peggy & Judy want to help you find your mellow but if it drives you wild with desire for more CATNIP they’ll be pleased.
Peggy and my human each worked for over 210 dog years as Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists. That’s a lot of years. They decided to share what they’ve learned and the tools they’ve taught rather than have all their stuff blindly dumped into a shredder after they’re gone.
So . . . continuing to be supportive . . . I’m sponsoring a contest to help them be successful bloggers, like me.
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to CATNIP so Peggy and my human don’t think I’ve sabotaged them (as retired psychotherapists they are sometimes a bit paranoid).
It’s easy – just enter your e-mail address in the subscribe box at the top right hand corner of the CATNIPBLOG site.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Certified Canine Therapist, RET
P.S. I made them promise to have fun doing CATNIP. I know them . . . if it isn’t fun they won’t do it. So if you pay attention you’ll see some of their original drawings, stories, poems sneak on cat feet into the CATNIPblog.
P.P.S.S. Neither Peggy nor my human are very smart when it comes to technical stuff. Ronna Skinner, graphic designer extraordinaire (not to mention Peggy’s cousin-in-law) helped get the cats Peggy drew, safely perched onto the letters where they can play with “CATNIP” to their hearts content (and not bother me)
I’m trying to be very supportive, however, I think my human is sniffing catnip.
I was really glad she and her friend Peggy Arndt got together because Peggy gives me treats. I was glad when they told me they were collaborating on a new blog where they were going to share the materials and techniques they used to help clients when they were psychotherapists because as a retired Certified Canine Therapist I want everyone to know how to make themselves feel good.
Now I’m upset. They are calling the blog CATNIP because they think catnip makes you feel mellow. If that isn’t bad enough they are dedicating CATNIP to Peggy’s cat Maui.
Personally, I think catnip makes you crazy and the blog should be dedicated to me.
Now that they are both retired they seem to not be doing much of anything except wandering around*. So they don’t go too far astray, I created a survey for them to help them be successful bloggers, like me.
Please fill out my survey for theirCATNIP blog!
(You can choose as many areas of interests as you want and when you’re done click “vote”)
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT, RET
*Thank you for your kind response to this most delicate matter.
My human has been laying around the house all week. You’ve probably noticed she’s not been commenting on her blog or responding to e-mails. She overdid it at her last workshop and has been dog-tired ever since.
Humans are cute, not very smart and take a lot of patience on our part. Just when I think she’s trained she gets loose and I have no idea where she goes or what she gets into. All I know is she comes limping home.
She looks a bit dog-eared.
Usually she can pick up the scent and find her way back but if you see her loose on the street don’t call human-control, just bring her home in time for my dinner.
“PET owners beware — new research has revealed that dogs don’t like hugs from their owners, which can make them (the owners?) more stressed out.” “According to new research published in Psychology Today, Stanley Coren from the University of British Columbia, said dogs respond differently to humans who seek comfort from hugging others.” “Coren, who studies canine behaviour, analysed a random sample of 250 pictures of humans hugging their dogs that he could find online through Flickr and a Google image search.” (skewed data – he left out Pintrest and Instagram where the animal pictures are more photogenic) “In using photos where the dog’s face was easily seen, he looked whether the dog appeared to be anxious or distressed, relaxed, or showed a neutral response to being hugged.” “He found that around 82 per cent of the photographs showed “unhappy dogs” receiving hugs from their owners or children.”
He said that dogs show signs of distress when they bare their teeth (called a smile when humans do it), turn their heads away from something ( just being bored and looking around), or they partially close their eyes (doesn’t everyone close their eyes when ecstatic?). Another sign of anxiety is when a dog’s ears are lowered or “slicked against the side of his head”. (Stanley, it’s just our coiffure) He also said that licking lips or licking a person’s face can also be a sign of anxiety, like yawning or raising a paw. (I lick when it’s tasty) Coren said the fact that dogs don’t like being hugged can be explained by their behavioural nature.
As “cursorial animals”, (cursorial? I swear I never curse) they are designed for swift running. When stressed, a dog’s first instinct is to run away. It is believed that when they are restricted from moving with a hug, it can increase a dog’s stress level and potentially cause them to bite their owners. (or bite researchers)
It’s not the hugs that stressed the dogs out it was having their pictures taken WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT to be displayed for all the world to see.
So hug away you human-beings and always follow-up with a treat for us dogs (you got your treat with the hug)
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET, CDB
Canine Dog Therapist, Retired and Certified Dog Blogger
My human has been too tired to go on walks. All she wants to do is sit around and I’m getting bored keeping her distracted by petting me. She blames Fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue but I’ve long suspected that she just needs a new career that is exciting. I found the perfect cure – FOR EVERYTHING THAT AILS HER .
There’s a woman in England who (instead of moping around like my human being) got a pair of feathered fans to do a routine in a bar that was holding a cabaret night.
She said: “It was nerve-wracking but exciting . . . I felt alive. . . . Even though she’s not completely cured, her chronic fatigue only flares up every two or three months – lasting at most for a couple of days. “
She’s got big plans for the future . . . She said: “I have signed up with the alternative model agency Ugly, in London and hope to start appearing in magazines and adverts.” (I didn’t tell my human being about “Ugly” because I’m not sure what kind of magazines and adverts want “ugly” . . . )
My human thinks all this is just a ploy to get her to take me on walks. I told her if she didn’t believe me to read this:
Although it’s officially National Dog Day I am celebrating National Human Day. (Have to toss humans a “bone” every so often)
Human-beings are weird crittersbut we canines love you anyway. We try to take good care of you but, as you know, humans can be stubborn, arbitrary and difficult to train. That’s why most of us prefer to adopt those of you who are already toilet trained, like to walk and can open the refrigerator. But humans who drool, roll around the ground and babble can be fun playmates even when they are as old as my human-being.
Penelope and I met a few years ago. I went for a carton of milk and there she was, an albino pig, in a grocery store. She was in a dangerous situation – it was only time before she ended up on the meat aisle. (OIY VEY) So for $9 I took her home with the milk.
I gave her a bit of color and a bow and she went to live in my therapy office.
Very few clients ever commented on her.I always suspected new clients didn’t quite know what to say and my long-term clients knew me well enough that they didn’t need to say anything.
Penelope retired the same time as Freddie Parker but she still has a lot of good advice:
How to Live Life to the Fullest
by Penelope the Pig, CPT, RET
EAT greedily all the delectable things life gives you.
The next time you come please do not make me look like a hedge-dog*.
Cutting dogs’ fur into perfect cubes, is the latest dog hairdressing trend to sweep Asia. “It is not known where the inspiration for the trend originated, but the look has been cropping up at dog shows around Asia in recent months.”
“Hairdresser Tain Yeh, who runs a parlour in Taipei told the Daily Mail: “It came about because people were always looking for more impressive haircuts, and somebody came up with the idea of shaping the dog like a hedge.”’ (HEDGE!, sounds like the Organic Green Revolution has gone to the dogs) . . . “The dogs don’t mind, (humph!, we are just too polite to complain) and the owners keep coming back for more. This sort of haircut needs a lot more maintenance than the regular type.”
“She warned that the look isn’t one which works for all dogs and has this advice for any British dog owners seeking to emulate the slick cubes: “It is also not suitable for all breeds. The dog needs to have plenty of hair to play around with so that you can shape it around the face and body.” (I’d love to get my paws on a pair of clippers and trim human-beings to look like a poodle . . . or a HEDGE . . . or a . . .)
As an experienced CDT here’s some basic guidelines for your new career.
Always have kleenex ready. It’s tax-deductible.
Do not take insurance. Make sure that your clients understand you take only “out-of-pocket” doggie-cookies, no deferred insurance payment. Insurance takes too long to reimburse and will discount the amount of cookies you are entitled to.
When your clients are angry or unduly upset get under a table until the storm blows over. In extreme cases you might have to jump on your human-being’s lap to protect her because she doesn’t have enough instinct to duck ‘n cover.
Show, don’t tell. Most therapist spend all their time talking – blah, blah, blah. After awhile clients just tune them out. You must demonstrate these time-tested psychotherapeutic techniques to help humans develop healthy behavioral coping skills:
Shake it off. Not everything needs examining or even understanding.
Roll over. “Turn the other cheek” in human-lingo.
Play dead when others are threatening, demanding or unreasonable.
Beg for forgiveness if you’ve done something hurtful.
Stare to get attention. Don’t make a fuss as it takes too much energy.
Sleep a lot in order to think clearly and make healthy choices.
Play. Don’t take life seriously as that takes MUCH too much energy.
Should you need further guidance send a check payable to Freddie Parker Westerfield and then call me.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET
P.S. I don’t take insurance and no longer take payment in dog-cookies as I prefer to buy my own.
Warning! Do NOT read the story of Little Red Riding hood that has been circulating. It’s filled with violence and death.
The Real (& Untold Story) of Little Red Riding Hood
Dedicated to all adoptees, whether two or four-legged.
by Freddie Parker Westerfield
Once upon a time in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf. How he became an orphan is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.
The tale simply begins: Abandoned and never having been around others of his own kind the little orphan wolf didn’t know what sharp teeth he had. He didn’t know what big eyes he had. He didn’t know what a bushy tail he had. He didn’t know how hairy he was. He didn’t know how scary he was. All he knew was that he was alone in a big forest filled with creatures and critters that ran away from him as soon as he approached.
So the little orphan wolf covered himself with branches and leaves to listen to the birds sing to each other in the trees.
He laid in tall grass to watch the squirrels play so they wouldn’t leap out of his sight.
He hid behind bushes to sneak peaks at the deer eating their meals.
But every day, all day, he was alone: every morning he ate by himself; every evening he played by himself; every night he settled down to sleep, alone.
One day the little orphan wolf decided to set out from his forest home to find someone, somewhere, to be his friend.
Along the way he came upon a little girl. She had a yellow curl and wore a red cape and hood. Why she wore a red cape and hood is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.
Because she was young, and bigger than the little orphan wolf she wasn’t scared, she didn’t run away, she stopped and asked: “Where are you going Mr. Wolf?”
“I’m off to find a friend so that I am not alone. I’m off to find a friend to share my meals with. I am off to find a friend to play with and most of all I off to find a friend to talk with. I am very lonely.”
The little girl with the yellow curl wearing the red cape and hood, feeling sorry for the little orphan wolf, said, “Come with me to Grandma’s house. She makes delicious muffins with the berries I pick in the forest. She sits at the table while I eat the muffins and listens to me talk. Grandma loves all of God’s creatures. She can’t be your grandma, but maybe she can be your friend.”
“I don’t know what a Grandma is,” replied the little orphan wolf, “but she sounds exactly like the friend I’m looking for.”
And so the little orphan wolf set off with the little girl with a curl who wore a red cape and hood to Grandma’s house.
They passed by a giant berry bush. “Stop here to pick berries for the delicious muffins Grandma makes,” said the little girl. They picked only the very ripest berries and carefully carried them in the pockets of the red cape.
They passed by a field of flowers. “Stop here to pick flowers for Grandma to put on the table where we sit and she listens to me talk,” explained the little girl. They picked a bouquet of blue and pink flowers and carefully wrapped them in the red hood.
They passed a bubbling brook where cool waters ran. “Let’s stop here for a drink to refresh ourselves after all our work picking berries and flowers,” suggested the little girl. They drank from the bubbling brook and carefully rested on the red cape so as not to crush the berries or smash the flowers.
As they walked over the crest of a hill the little girl pointed and exclaimed, “Look!There’s Grandma’s house. Let’s see if she will be your friend.”
The little orphan wolf peeked out from behind the red cape not sure what a grandma was. His eyes grew bigger and bigger as he watched Grandma greet the little girl with a big hug and the biggest, most wonderful smile, neither of which he had ever seen before.
The little girl announced, “Grandma, I’ve brought you berries so you can make me delicious muffins. I’ve brought you flowers to put on the table where we sit and you listen to me talk. I’ve brought you a little orphan wolf who is lonely and looking for a friend”
Never having met a grandma before and not knowing how to greet one the little orphan wolf opened his mouth, showed his sharp teeth and wagged his bushy tail.
“My! What sharp white teeth you have”, gasped grandma. “The better to protect you with” replied the little orphan wolf.
“My! What big brown eyes you have,” marveled Grandma. “The better to lovingly look up at you with”, replied the little orphan wolf. “
“My! What a bushy tail you have,” exclaimed Grandma. “The better to wag at you with happiness,” replied the little orphan wolf.
“My! How fluffy your hair is,” declared Grandma. “The better to cuddle with and keep you warm,” said the little orphan wolf.
“Oh my goodness”, sighed Grandma. “I will be your friend and feed you delicious berry treats, while you sit and listen to me.”
“And because you are one of God’s creatures I will call you FREDDIE.”
Where upon the little orphan wolf looked up at Grandma with big eyes, wagged his bushy tail, stuck out his wet tongue and gave Grandma an appreciative lick.
Here I am AGAIN picking up the pieces for my Human-being. She is still a bit discombobulated. Since you are all my loyal friends I shall share a bit more about myself via Cee’s Share Your World” questions which, as usual I read on Mama’s blog.
1. Do you prefer shopping or going to a park? That is the most idiotic question I’ve ever heard. It’s so obvious I’m not going to respond.
2. If you were a shoe, what kind would you be and why? That is the second most idiotic question I’ve ever heard. I go bare-pawed.
3. What’s the story behind a time when you got locked out? The third most idiotic question I’ve ever heard. If you don’t have keys you can’t lock yourself out.
4. Do you prefer eating foods with nuts or no nuts? The fourth most idiotic question I’ve ever heard . . .
5. Bonus questions: What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? I’m grateful that I don’t have to carry keys and have no allergies to nuts . . . unless they are the human kind.
I’m looking forward to going bare-pawed in the park.
I’m not allowed any treats right now.I have “crystals” in my bladder and am on a special diet to dissolve them before they turn into stones. I LOVE my new diet. It is paw-lick’n good. My human-being is glad that I like it because she says it’s very expensive. I remind her every minute of every day I am worth it.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Crystal Engineer
(I can’t feel my crystals even though they did irritate my bladder and made me pee blood one day.)
My Human-being is very stingy. (She calls it frugal.) She told me that the $200 trip to my doctor was my Christmas present and the follow-up appointment for another x-ray in one month is my birthday present.
I told her she should not retire if she’s going to be that stingy.
My Human-being has the “vapors”** and is resting so I am helping her by keeping the blog going in her absence.
Besides being a Canine Dog Therapist (CDT) I am also an entrepreneur*. (Few people know that I am the brains and the driving force behind my Human Being’s financial stability.)
Since you’ve been following this blogyou know that my Human has been able to keep her sense of humor by taking Carla Sonheim’s Year of the Fairy Tale class. She seems amused – she amuses rather easily – by drawing silly things that bear little resemblance to reality – like this:
If you want to amuse yourself Ms Sonheim is repeating two of her really easy and CHEAPonline classes starting next Monday, October 20, 2014: “Faces 101” and “Imaginary Creatures.”
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDE
Canine Dog Entrepreneur
* I would like a doggie treat kickback.
P.S. Don’t tell my human being about this “arrangement” because she would not approve. But a Dog’s gotta do what a Dog’s gotta do to make a living.
I am writing to you and not your canine owners because it’s you human beings who we allow to make the big-picture decisions.
My human-being told me that Blu is going to Disneyland. I’ve never gone to Disneyland.
Huge, distorted creatures live there judging by the pictures Blu sent.
Blu is taking his human-beings who sent this announcement): “This adventure is a fundraiser for Children’s Hospital of Orange County. Please support Blu by walking with us through Disneyland and California Adventure on Sunday morning, Oct. 12th. You can sign up by going toCHOCWalk.organd look for Team Blu. If you are unable to join us, your sponsorship to either Adele or Bryan Green would be appreciated.”
Adelbear, Blubear, Ginormousbear & Bryanbear
“Blu and family understands that we all have limited resources. If you are unable to help, your prayers and thoughts are welcomed. Blu needs all the help he can to be good while walking through Disneyland to remember that he can’t use the park’s fire hydrants for his personal use!” (Even if huge, distorted creatures live at Disneyland I would take my chances and go there to check out the fire hydrants. ALL the fire hydrants around here are already mine).
Freddie Parker Westerfield, philanthropist
P.S. Blu has his own facebook page for the children at the hospital:
You wrote me about your owner Cody and I will try to help you understand him to improve your relationship.
“Cody rarely barks except when he thinks I (Gloria) am too slow in answering the front door or taking him for walks”.(All humans are too slow because they insist on getting about on only two limbs).
“He thinks everyone that comes over, came over to see him”.(Gloria Human-Being, don’t be so sure that’s not true)
“He has a doggie door but if he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, (If he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, he’s NOT getting enough attention)he goes out his door and comes around to the family room door and barks to let me know he’s out there.”(how else is he going to let you know he’s out there? . . . make sure Cody carries his smart phone so he can text message you)
“When the doggie door is closed and has to potty, he finds me in the house and scratches my leg a couple of times to let me know he’s there”.(Gloria Human-being, of course he scratches your leg. Bend down so he can reach your shoulder)
“He’ll scratch my leg like that for attention if I’m in the office, to let me know the timer is buzzing when I’m watering my trees”.(We doggies are very conscious of conserving our natural resources – especially since water is the only one we are allowed to drink)
Cody, full “blown” Westie
“If you’re eating something, he will look at you with his ears perked up, but you tell him it’s “mine” his ears drop and walks away. (Gloria Human-being, you must learn to be more generous and share). Although if someone feeds him a snack he may stick around for more. I try to tell my friends to give him carrots or dog treats only.”(Is that what you feed your friends – carrots or dog treats?)
“Cody has been a treasure to have as he and I are buddies. He loves going to grandma’s house as he usually gets a piece of chicken or meat to taste”.(Grandma rocks! I would like to have her for my Grandma. Please ask her.)
Once upon a time, in a land by the sea, physically far, far away and imaginatively very close, there lived a brrrrriliant psychotherapist who specialized in human psychology and foibles. He took care of two humans who he unexpectedly found wandering in life. Freddie Parker was a keen observer of human nature and able to pick up on changes in the human psyche long before the human psyche knew it was changing . . .
I’ve been very busy bringing solace, comfort and smiles to my clients and my human being. Solace, comfort and smile bringing is time-consuming, you know, so I’ve not had time to blog. Yesterday I received a very nice surprise in my comments from Mr Suchled which inspired me. (I hope I may call you Suchled as I can’t find any other name on your blog Scattered Words)
Mr Suchled, Thank you for the poem you wrote JUST FOR ME. I wrote a poem JUST FOR YOU too.
* * *
Fred was a mongrel puppy When first I him did spy A mangy frightened poodle cross A cast in his left eye. But as the years unfolded His silky pelt revealed A dog of great discernment My broken heart he healed.
My Aunt Jamey and Uncle Hank gave my human-being an “Andy Warhol” pillow. She thought it looked like me and laughed and laughed. (Jamey & Hank are much more cosmopolitan than my human-being and would never see a resemblance)
It’s a big responsibility being a Canine Dog Therapist (CDT). I take it very seriously.
Me, Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, thinking about what my clients need today.
I always know what might be most helpful to my clients.Sometimes they need to laugh so I do something to amuse them. Sometimes they need to calm down so I let them pet me. Sometimes I have to demonstrate what they need to do to make their life better like shake things up a bit or tear into a problem .
Moosie is my therapy assistant. My Auntie Lyn gave him to me. Auntie Lyn is very compassionate and knows how stressful it is for me to do everything on my own.
I often use Moosie to demonstrate concepts such as:
No matter how life shakes you up you can survive gut wrenching experiences
What we show on the outside is not always what is inside.
A broken heart is the least of your worries.
If you want to be inconspicuous don’t wear red.
Me, Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, after a hard days work.
It is gratifying to know that I help my clients . . .
Warning! Do NOT read the original. It’s filled with violence and death. Here’s the real version:
The Untold Story of Little Red Riding Hood
by Freddie Parker Westerfield
Once upon a time in a land far awaylived a little orphan wolf. How he became an orphan is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest. All the tales simply begin: Once upon a time, in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf.
Never having been around others of his own kind he didn’t know what big teeth he had. He didn’t know what big eyes he had. He didn’t know what a bushy tail he had. He didn’t know how hairy he was. He didn’t know how scary he was. All he knew was that he was alone in a big, big forest filled with creatures that ran away as soon as he approached.
Day by day, so the birds wouldn’t fly away, he sat far, far below the tree tops listening to them sing to each other from high above.
He watched from far, far away the forest creatures playing so they wouldn’t leap out of his sight.
He snuck peaks at all the critters sharing their meals from behind the bush so they wouldn’t know he was there.
Every morn he dined out for breakfast, alone. Every eve he dined out for super, alone. Every night he settled down to sleep, alone.
One day the little orphan wolf decided to set out from his forest home to find someone, somewhere to be his friend.
Along the way he came upon a little girl. She had a little curl and wore a red cape and hood. Why she wore a red cape and hood is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.
Because she was so youngshe didn’t know how scary the orphan wolf was and asked.
“Where are you going Mr. Wolf”?
“I’m off to find a friend so that I am not alone. I’m off to find a friend to dine with. I am looking for a friend to play with and most of all I want a friend to talk with. I am very lonely.”
The little girl, feeling sorry for the little orphan wolf said,“Do come with me to Grandma’s house. She makes delicious muffins from berries I pick in the forest. She sits at the table and listens to me talk. Grandma loves all of God’s creatures. Although she can’t be your grandma, perhaps she can be your friend”
“I don’t know what a Grandma is,” replied the little orphan wolf, “but she sounds exactly like the friend I’m looking for.”
And so the little orphan wolf set offwith the little girl with a curl, wearing a red cape and hood to Grandma’s house.
They passed by a giant berry bush.“Stop here to pick berries for the delicious muffins Grandma will make.” They picked bushels of berries and carried them in the little girls red cape and hood.
They passed by a field of flowers.“Stop here to pick flowers for Grandma to put on her table where we sit and she listens to me talk.”They picked bouquets of flowers and carried them in the little girls red cape and hood.
They passed a bubbling brook where cool waters ran.“Stop here for a drink to refresh ourselves after all our work picking berries and flowers.” They drank from the bubbling brook and rested on the little girl’s red cape and hood so as not to get dirty.
As they passed over the crest of a hill the little girl cried, “There’s Grandma’s house. Let’s see if she will be your friend.”
Grandma greeted the little girl, the little orphan wolf peeking out from behind not sure what a grandma was, with a big smile, the biggest smile the little orphan wolf had ever seen.
The little girl announced,“Grandma, I’ve brought you berries so you can make delicious muffins. I’ve brought you flowers to put on the table where we sit and you listen to me talk. I’ve brought you a little orphan wolf who is lonely and looking for a friend”
Now the little orphan wolf’s eyes grew big, having never seen a Grandma before. Not knowing what to do he opened his big mouth, showed his big teeth and wagged his bushy tail.
“My! What big teeth you have”, gasped grandma. “The better to protect you with”replied the wolf.
“My! What big eyes you have”,marveled Grandma. “The better to lovingly look up at you.”, replied the wolf. “
“My! What a bushy tail you have”, exclaimed Grandma. “The better to wag with happiness,” replied the wolf.
“My! How hairy you are”, said Grandma. “The Better to cuddle and keep you warm,” said the wolf.
“My oh my”, Grandma sighed. “You may stay with me. I’ll feed you delicious muffin treats, and you can sit and listen to me while I talk”.
“And because you are one of God’s creatures I will call you Dog.”
Where upon he looked up at Grandma with big eyes, opened his big wolf mouth, showed his big wolf teeth, wagged his bushy wolf tail, stuck out his wet wolf tongue and gave Grandma an appreciative lick.
“Humans have a natural desire to know what an animal is thinking, and yet we are limited to reading body language and measuring physiological reactions,” Beaver said. The bottom line is: “We will never truly know because we cannot ask them.”
YOU DO NOT NEED TO ASK US. We’ve been TELLING all you human beings for eons (and that’s a long time).
You think we feel guilty when you don’t like what we’ve done– WRONG. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt is when you think you’ve done something wrong and shame is when you think there is something wrong with you.
We canine dogs never do anything wrong and there’s NOTHING wrong with us. We are all perfect and do what we were created to do.
It’s pretty simple what we think: There’s a smell to smell; I’m hungry; Time to sleep; Time to pee; Time to be petted; and what on earth is THAT human being thinking?
Read this because Bonnie is a very smart human being.
“The next time you start shaking your finger and shouting “Shame on you!” because your dog chewed up your favorite fuzzy slippers, just remember that no matter how guilty your dog looks, it doesn’t know what your rant is about”. “Behaviorists insist dogs lack shame. The guilty look — head cowered, ears back, eyes droopy — is a reaction to the tantrum you are throwing now over the damage they did hours earlier”.
“Just get over it and remind yourself not to put temptation in the way next time,” said Dr. Bonnie Beaver, a professor at Texas A&M University’s College of Veterinary Medicine and executive director of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists.
You should follow Bonnie’s advice . . . except for not to put temptation in the way. We really like temptation and are appreciative of you human beings putting it in our way.
I’ve already had the best Valentines Day. Auntie Susan brought me a Valentine present. (It was actually a belated Christmas gift because she forgot me at Christmas – I forgave her because she is sometimes forgetful and I love her.)
I needed this monkey because I gave Moosie, which Auntie Lyn gave me last year, a lobotomy.
I was helping one of my clients (I can’t reveal the name because I keep everything confidential . . . but you know who you are . . .) learn how to move past hurt and pain so they can have a clean start in the New Year.
My client is very emotional. To get proper attention I have to demonstrate what they must do. Here are my instructions. (what I communicate isn’t confidential).
YOU should think about what YOU need to let go of as you follow my directions.
1. Chew on “it”
3. Release it.
(Indoor instruction is Shake it off. Outdoor instruction is Release)
4. Sleep it off
The new Year is almost here. If YOU want to start fresh you have to stop procrastinating and do what I say NOW. Please send my fee in the form of something chewable (for future chew-on-it demonstrations).
Thank you for giving me a bath and cutting my hair today as it was getting matted beyond my Human Being’s control (not that she’s ever in control, as evidenced by these pictures from the last time she cut my hair).
Today she shelled out money to have you properly groom me.
However, I do have a few suggestions for your business:
You were very nice and called me “cute”. However, next time please don’t say “cute” – that’s for girls.
My nails are now well manicured. However, you did something else that was not very polite. Next time we can dispense with anything “glandular”. My Human Being will never know. Luckily you are a man, otherwise it would have been very embarrassing.
This weeks haiku prompt, rivulet, is so timely because of all the killing, and threats and posturing that you Human Beings do to guard your territories. When are you going to figured out what we canines have always known and be civilized about it ??!!!
Rivulets of me claiming my territory instinctive, you see
My human being just showed me this article and video. It seems she has more time on her hands than she admits.
Can you believe the laziness of this rhino!!!? – standing in one spot, barely moving. He has such potential which he squanders by marking such a small area. I, on the other hand, mark every 2 – 4 feet on a mile walk. My domain reaches far and wide.
It takes a lot of time, effort and responsibility to maintain my territory but it’s worth every squirt.
If you have a lot of time on your hands you can read the entire post by clicking on the title.
“Patricia Yang and colleagues at The Georgia Institute of Technology have a similar interest in measuring things that might seem odd to measure. They’ve submitted the abstractThe Hydrodynamics of Urination: to drip or jet to the Annual Fluid Dynamics Conference held by the American Physical Society in late November”.
“Using “high-speed videography” and “flow-rate measurement” they investigated independent urination styles, such as the dripping of small mammals and the “jetting” of large mammals. (This research is flawed. I do NOT drip. I squirt). New Scientist interviewed Yang and the coverage touches on urethra length, gravitational pull(That’s the only part that makes sense. It’s far easier to mark my territory during the full moon) and the number of seconds it takes to empty bladders. (SECONDS to empty!!! I have such superb technique that I can mark territory for 40 minutes or more) I eagerly await how the published study links Newtonian physics to urine”!
(Julie Hecht has too much time on her hands too)
My final comment on my commentary: I wouldn’t want to meet that Rhino on one of my territorial walks.
Dear human and canine beingswho weren’t able or weren’t allowedto attend last night’s Freddie Friday The HeART of Spirituality & Creativity Workshop/group thingey at my Human-beings office,
Another Freddie Friday without Freddie. My human-being and 6 other human-beings ( I assume they were HUMAN-beings since all I have to go by are pictures . . . they appear to be human . . . however I have no proof that these humans were actually present on Freddie Friday since I wasn’t there).
I was told that these human-beingsmade prayer flags, kinda like Tibetan prayer flags. However I have no proof that prayer flags were actually made on Freddie Fridaysince I wasn’t there):
“Traditionally, prayer flags do not carry prayers to gods, which is a common misconception; rather, the Tibetans believe the prayers and mantras will be blown by the wind to spread the good will and compassion into all-pervading space.Therefore, prayer flags are thought to bring benefit to all.” Wikipedia
and the Celestial Realm and all creation:
1. Truth (science, education, philosophy) 2. Beauty (play, social leisure, art) 3. Goodness (social service, altruism, religion)
Here are pictures of the prayer flags and what each represents, so I’m told as I wasn’t there:
They all had a good time, so I was told since I wasn’t there.
Me, Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, all alone, at home on “Freddie Friday” There’s NO truth in advertising . . .
My human-being got carried away . . . again. She decided to cut a few pieces of my hair that had matted. My hair is very fine and soft. I lead a very active life getting petted by a lot by people and it can get clumped. Human-beings get great comfort in petting me. I let them.
My human-being got carried away . . . she cut ALL my hair ALL over my body.
My before picture
My after picture:
Just between you and me I think she didn’t want to pay $50
Freddie Parker Westerfield. Little did I know when we kept the “Parker” his foster family named him that Freddie would continue to embrace the “P“.
Freddie I surmise, in being neglected, learned to pee wherever and whenever the urge urged.
After several monthsof exhaustively walking him day and night to make sure he was on “empty” and after several gallons of Nature’s Miracle Freddie got a doggie door. (For those of you who aren’t familiar – Nature’s Miracle is a miracle. It is a natural enzyme that you POUR on urine. It MIRACULOUSLY eliminates odors and stains.)
I watched YouTube video instructions“How to Train a Dog to Use a Dog Door”: Dog inside the house, human on the outside with treats; Dog on outside of door, human inside with treats.
Freddie is very smartand on the first day he quickly learned how to push the door open. Easy “P”easy.
Freddie is VERY smartand on the second day, while I was outside calling “Use your door”, Freddie was peeing inside before bounding through his doggie door eager to get his treat.
If you’re confused about your direction in life never, ever, NEVER lie down in the street. It’s not safe, not comfortable, not clean. Keep walking and sniffing. You will always find something to claim as territory and leave your mark. Trust me, it will be a big “relief”.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT
Canine Dog Therapist
P.S. My Human-being has been lying in the middle of the street for a while. I have to be very patient with her . . . it’s hard being human.
Here’s the Finding Confidence in Your Creativity workshop:This was all done in two hours. AMAZING group!
We did Graffiti Boards – scribbled down the messages our inner critics tell us about how we aren’t “creative”, “talented” blah blah blah. AND THEN WE WROTE OUR RESPONSES and painted, painted and painted.
As you can see Freddie was a bit bored once the painting started and doggie treats stopped. Freddie and Penelope Pig kept each other company. (Penelope lives in my office)
P.S. The first group picture at the very bottom wasn’t quite the response I wanted so I MADE everyone look like they had fun.
I am so appalledthat 141,084,307+ human-beings have watched and LAUGHED at this. As a Canine-dog who has lived his whole life dependent on human hand-outs I’m disheartened that some human (not humane) – being would put this REALITY up for the entire world to see . . . quite similar to Keeping up with the Kardashians, don’t you think.
Freddie Parker Westerfield
P.S. Thanks Cassie for sending this and alerting me.
As you already know my human-being has fibromyalgia & heart arrhythmias. (It would be impossible for you not to know because she reminds everyone all the time). However, you may not know that:
she has founda CURE!!!
THE BEST medication she regularly takes is a dose of Freddie. I’m always available, no prescription needed and I give her as many refills as she wants, whenever she wants (I’m pretty sure she’s addicted).
I may be more expensive than her other meds. She rudely pointed this out today by waving the $162.72 Vet bill – I have a small ear infection – at me. I promptly gave her another dose of Freddie.
Since I’m in charge of refills it can be exhausting keeping up with her need for a fix. (Treats, walks and sleep have to be regularly injected into my “capsule”).
NFA Facebookhas a humongous amount of information – lots’a questions & answers, research news, short videos on things that I provide relief from. (I’m not suppose to end a sentence with a proposition but I love propositions – like proposing to go for a rest right now). Time for my refill.
I went to the Salon today. My Human Being said I was getting dread locks and needed a summer Doggie Do.
I got a facial, a pedicure, and a lovely massage bath. I also got my teeth brushed, my ears cleaned and they did something behind my back that I didn’t care for. Frankly, I saw no need to go to the salon as I rather liked the Doggie-Do my Aunt Cathy, human being gave me the day before. Here’s my Doggie-Do before picture. Rad!
My Human Being waitedthe entire 4 1/2 hours I was there just to make sure I was getting good treatment. She didn’t complain but she said her haircuts only took one hour and were less expensive.
They were very nice to meand I got some very delicious cookies. My Human Being wanted to take a picture of the cookies to show you because they looked very delicious but I ate them. And here’s my picture after I left the Salon
Oh my goodness gracious sakes alive! Did you know that reading emails or hunching over a screen can activate our fight-or-flight response??????
Linda Stone, a researcher , who has studied the physiological effects of Internet use has shown that about 80 percentof people temporarily stop breathing or breathe shallowlywhen they check their email or look at a screen. She calls this email apnea!
“The Web often has important content that requires action or a response — for example, an assignment from the boss or engagement photos from a close friend — so people anticipate this and hold their breath as they look at their screens.”
“. . . breath-holding sets off a physiological cascade that prepares the body to face potential threats or anticipate surprises. Constantly activating this physical response can have negative health consequences, Stone said.
Somewhere out there a techie-entrepreneur is inventing an E-pap machine . . .
Freddie got a bath today because he had schmutz on his face. Schmutz? It’s a yiddish word that is largely untranslatable.
Here’s an examplefrom the web: schmutz: “Used by Jewish mothers to identify that you’ve got some kind of “crap” on your face”*
(Good Jewish mothersnever use words like crap. They don’t have to. Schmutz says it all.)
Freddie doesn’t like bathsso I explained to him that” “God loveth those who are pure. Naught . . . in the sight of God is more loved than purity and immaculate cleanliness.” The Báb, Baha’i
He still wanted a treat for his bath ordeal.
*South German and Jewish (Ashkenazic): nickname for a dirty or slovenly person, from German Schmutz ‘dirt’, Middle High German smuz. South German: nickname for a cheerful person, from a noun derivative of Middle High German smutzen ‘to smile’.http://www.ancestry.com/
Freddie, I conjecture, lived his life confined and ignored before he was “confiscated” (as his papers say ) and taken to a Dog Shelter. He went poo & pee whenever and where ever.
I came to this conclusionwhen he pooped in the house “several” times without our knowing. A few months later he still gives no indication when he needs to “go”. Consequently, I walk him twice a day until I scoop poop. He’s catching on – with each walk he takes longer and longer to poo.
Freddie’s very smart. He can now sit-stay, lay down, stand up and twirl, crawl, wait while standing, high five, low five and lick his lips on command. I’m thinking about toilet training him to know if his poop floats. Until then I’ll have to take this science article on face value – Freddie’s poop probably sinks.
If you’re curious whether your poop floats take a look at: