Category Archives: Prose & Poetry

Frankly Freddie – Halloween Orange Alert

To all Human-beings:  It’s time for my Halloween ORANGE-ALERT.

 This Halloween

Don’t be mean!

Don’t you dare

make others stare

Dressing up

your precious pup

Please be fair!

just let us wear

our own hair.

Example of suspicious clothing

 To All my Canine Cousins:

Be on the look-out for your human coming back from the store with suspicious articles of clothing and paraphernalia that is NOT THEIR color, style or size.  If they start sweet-talking you or offering you treats RUN for your life & HIDE.

Example of humiliation.

No matter how many times I HAVE TOLD HUMANS not to humiliate us because they want to be amused it happens every year.  I prefer to think that Humans just aren’t very smart and have no memory retention beyond a few hours rather than the possibility they are simply insensitive creatures with no regard for our feelings.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, PIC&C

Protector of Innocent Creatures & Critters

Happy HALLOWEDeen

Hocus Pocus

Let’s all focus

No room for mean

on Halloween

Fly’n High by Peggy

Let love fly high

and fill the sky

 

reposted from http://CATNIPblog.com

a judy pome 

a peggy picture

National Pink Day, June 23

Brain research is clear – our thoughts trigger the neurochemical flood of emotion.  Think negatively and you will feel anxious or fearful.  Think positively and you’ll be flooded with the neurochemistry for happiness, contentment or love.

Life need not be fraught

with negative thought

“This too shall pass

half full is my glass”

“It’s bright and sunny

all milk and honey”

“It will be ok . . . 

on another day”

That’s  how to think

to be in the pink

Thinking Pink by judy

Read these for information on the research:

Worry your life away – literally

Research shows you will be happier for 3 months – Music to my ears

5 THINGS YOU CAN DO TO CHEER UP QUICKLY, ACCORDING TO NEUROSCIENCE

doodlewash SEALS the deal

Hug a seal
give it a kiss
all love is real
not hit or miss

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Charlie O’Shields’ water-color

Charlie O’s watercolor “Hug a Seal” is charming (Charlie is charming too . . . as is evidenced by the stories he writes to accompany his water-color paintings).

Check it out (there’s a sweet video of a seal hugging a dog) and click here DOODLEWASH

Update on my condition

Papa’s Instructions Pome

Children of ours,  it’s your time to play

So listen closely to what I say

To your DNA you must stay true

Here’s exactly what you are to do:

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Mama Cold, Papa Cold and their 3 virus babies 

Baby 1

Dump buckets of muck

up judy’s nose

Make sure you duck

before she blows

Baby 2 

Bang on her brain

whistle in her ears

like a choo choo train

til she bursts into tears.

Baby 3

Pound on her head

jump on her chest

all night long in bed

so she gets no rest

Children, it’s now up to you

judy is yours to do

Cuz Mama is weary 

teaching how-to

 with no app or Siri.

And your papa is tiring

 of non-stop siring

It’s Mom & me off to find a new home

Hallelujah! you’re on your own

Practice what we’ve taught

drive judy crazy, make her lazy

don’t give it an afterthought

Spend all your time

making her go outa her mind

The Queen and me

I admit I’m obsessive about steering clear of people who are sick.  I’ve been “known” to remove my groceries off the counter and go to another check-out if I see a clerk sniffing or coughing.  With fibromyalgia everything lasts longer and is more severe so I go to great lengths to avoid people who even appear to be sick.

My husband caught a cold 2 weeks ago and I’ve assiduously washed everything down – counters, door knobs, light switches and my husband – with disinfectant. 

Turns out I was disinfecting the wrong person.

I woke up yesterday with a scratchy throat, a headache and feeling even less chipper than I usually feel in the morning.

The Queen gave me a cold

How do I know, how am I told?

This cold is a dignified one

no snorting, sniffling nor dripping a ton 

My makeups impeccable, not a hair undone

Despite a sore throat and my throbbing head

staying all day, aching in bed

I shan’t complain

For how often does one contract

 a ROYAL pain.

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Queen is feeling better, says Princess Anne

“But at 90 . . . she is exercising caution as she recovers from a heavy cold which she’s had for at least 12 days, (12 DAYS!!!! ) and which is bound to have left her feeling pretty miserable. (tell me about it).”

“She hasn’t yet had an opportunity to go outside and explore her 20,000 acre private Norfolk estate. (So true, so true)”

LONG LIVE THE QUEEN . . . and me too!

P.S. Wash your hands after reading this post – I’m contagious . . .

 

Antidote for Santa – Peace & Good Cheer

My Annual Christmas pome – Sick Ole St Nick undoubtedly struck a chord among my many many followers – well at least one . . .

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By Sharon Bonin-Pratt*

Goodness, I feel sorry for the poor man in red his weary reindeer and sled
Don’t blame me cuz I’ve never participated in dragging that man from his bed
The worst you can say is I’ve not enough candles and therefore can’t light
All my eight menorahs, yes, count ’em, eight Hanukkah for eight days of light
Tell Santa to give up the late ride and eat chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil
Safer to spin driedles, tell stories of brave Maccabees and the miracle of oil
And he’ll feel much better when he rises well rested at the end of this year
Not having delivered gifts heavier than a wish for peace and good cheer

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Happy Chanukah!!

*Disclosure:  Printed without permission from the author . .  

Annual Christmas Day Pome – Sick Ole St Nick

T’was the Day After Christmas Eve Pome

It’s true so they say that on Christmas day

old St Nick is always sick

from sugar, carbs, inhaling soot

and lunging sacks of children’s loot

Santa has to unbuckle his belt

to make room for cookies, and chocolate gelt

Popping antacids with each milk drink

he’s lactose intolerant, that’s why the wink

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Up all night,

by mornings light he’s a fright

The chubby ole fellow, no longer mellow

Back’s in spasm, eyes are red

Climbing to chimney tops, legs like lead

When home he goes, the ho ho hoes

have turned to moans

the silent night filled with grunts and groans

No longer just plump he’s a fat grump

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The reindeer too have lost their cheer

for all things festive in the New Year

His packed on pounds during the rounds

create huge drag for even a stag

They huff, puff and wheeze

looking for a stiff breeze

to help carry Santa over roof tops and trees

All the way back the reindeer pray

he’ll loose 50 pounds before next Christmas day

Cuz Rudolph et. al are running out of gas

hauling Santa’s growing ass

  *   *   *

Merry Christmas to all who indulge and bulge!

from judy and Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Why Santa never gets caught

How Do Reindeer Fly?

Doodlewash is a blog I follow – both for Charlie O’s great water-colors but even more for his wonderful stories and descriptions about each drawing.

Today’s Doodlewash post inspired my pome.

Water-color by Charlie O'Shields
Water-color by Charlie O’Shields

Pome by judy

No one catches Santa on the roof

or in the snow sees prints

of tiny reindeer hoof

for Santa’s no bigger than a fly

and reindeer all the size of ants

ferry him through the Christmas sky

I don’t think it silly at all

to imagine reindeer quite so small

and know 

how Santa slides down chimney flues

with nary much soot on his beard or shoes

So make your cookies the size of peas

and leave the milk in a thimble please

Limit the weight of gifts and such

to crush an ant

 it doesn’t take much

   *     *    *

To read Charlie O’s inspiring story click here:

How Do Reindeer Fly?

Children’s Pome for Adults – the REAL night before Christmas

Dear human-beings,

Besides being soft and cuddly a mission of mine is to bring poetry to the masses, of which you are some.   And I am here to bring you the truth . . . even though it might hurt.

Santa was frantic at the North Pole

Finances in the red, he was in the hole

Mrs Claus couldn’t afford sugar

For her cookies sublime

Dear old hubby didn’t have a dime

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North Pole employment had exploded

and Santa’s credit had eroded

He’d spent his last cent on black Friday deals

and turkey with the trimmings for thanksgiving meals

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The night before Christmas he no longer had clout

When all the elves threatened a walk-out

Elf-union held all the chips

As evidenced by the grin on all the elf lips

For every elf in all the land

Had won a pay deal without tipping their hand:

Double pay all December

a free thanksgiving meal in November

Finally fringe benefits for elves was real

For Santa and the Mrs, there was no appeal

Santa had bitten his nails to the quick

Both right and left eyes developed a tic

All Santa could do was self medicate

So he stuffed his mouth from the cookie plate santa-claus-being-drunk-holding-beer-33377069

And downed all the rum from a hot toddy cup

his blood pressure sky-high, went up and up

His big fat belly shook like a bowl full of lead

While visions of bankruptcy danced in his head

So all you children and adults too

Have compassion and learn to make due  

STOP asking for presents and things you don’t need

YOU must now take heed.

It’s no time for greed

If you want Santa another Christmas to live

to every red-kettle-bell-ringer

Dig in your pocket and GIVE.

Poetically yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

A Frankly Freddie Thanksgiving

Dear Human Beings,

Time for my ANNUAL Thanksgiving ‘Ode To Tom’ and tell you what I’m thankful for:

  • I’m thankful that I was not born in a country where they eat dogs.
  • I’m thankful you are all my best friends!
  • I’m thankful for all the treats I get even if I don’t get as many as I deserve
  • I’m thankful I am soft and fluffy so people want to pet me
  • DSCN4217Freddie Parker Westerfield,  Poet Laureate

A Turkey’s Tale

by Freddie Parker Westerfield

A turkey named Tom lived on a farm

His story is such, so they say

Waking at dawn

he’d peck at the lawn,

searching for bugs,

nibbling on slugs

of which he was particularly fond.

Then on Thanksgiving day

Gobbledy gobbledy gone!

So if  YOU took Tom from off his farm

in the middle of the night

please give him due thanks

for gracing your table.  (It’s  fitting and only right).

And for all the bugs and many slugs

which make him an organic delight

P.S.  I was told to tell you that my Human-being wishes you all things to be grateful for in your life, like she’s grateful for me.
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My BEST FRIEND Shari sent me this picture.  I think she might be a Turkeytarian . . .

 

Brand new and nude – Puggles

If this isn’t the cutest, weirdest little critter I don’t know what is!

A Puggles Pome

Puggles are the puggliest

Their little snout the ugliest

Cuddle them quick

for when they’re grown

they’ll claw you

and won’t give a lick

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“Sydney Zoo is celebrating the arrival of the first baby echidnas, known as puggles, in almost 30 years.  The tiny (cute), and incredibly rare Australian mammals, hatched in the summer weighing between 250 and 500 grams.  Echidnas, sometimes known as spiny anteaters, lay eggs – which hatch after 10 days.  They’re then carried in their mother’s pouches for up to two months.”

 

Laughter is the best medicine

The weather is changing

my body rearranging

Help! I’m in a fibro flare

Everything hurts

including my hair.

Sharon Bonin Pratt is a writer, an artist and a dear friend.  I think she also is psychic.  I’ve been not feeling great and the subject of her last post was just what I needed.  AND it’s dedicated to ME!!!!  What an honor!

Shari inspired me to look for a smile (SEE THE VIDEO).  

Here’s a sample from Sharon Bonin Pratt’s Ink Flare:

“Who can laugh without relaxing? Isn’t that why some of us (not me of course, and certainly not you, but other unnamed folks) pee their pants when laughing raucously? Losing all control is not a bad thing, even if you must change your whitie-dities, because when you’re having that much fun – who cares about all the rest? Oh, and it’s contagious! In a good way, not like the flu, but like having enough cup cakes for everyone in the world. So now I not only feel good inside my own world weary bod – I feel good because everyone around me also feels good. Motto for today: Spread cheer – laugh out loud.”

Read her entire post –  Sharon Bonin Pratt’s Ink Flare

A fish face to love, not to eat

A video of a diver in Thailand rescuing a porcupinefish caught in a net got my attention.  I posted it on The HeART of Spirituality to get your attention. (verrrrrrry clever)

It’s not for survival

when I take a drink

It’s for my revival

she says with a wink

This  is the black-blotched porcupinefish. These fish not only can swallow water and raise their spines to make themselves look bigger and fiercer, but they also harbor in their bodies a neurotoxin that contributes to self-defense.

Porcupine Fish
Porcupine Fish sez: “Here’s looking at you, kid.”

Take a look at a Porcupine fish being rescued while its fish friend watches.  Who said fish don’t have feelings!

Click here for the video!

“Some species are poisonous, having a tetrodotoxin in their internal organs, such as the ovaries and liver. This neurotoxin is at least 1200 times more potent than cyanide. The poison is produced by several types of bacteria obtained from the fish’s diet.[4] As a result of these three defenses, porcupinefish have few predators, although adults are sometimes preyed upon by sharks and killer whales. Juveniles are also preyed on by Lysiosquillina maculatatuna and dolphins. Wikipedia

And read about the nanofish cleaning out YOUR body here!

plus another pome . . .

 

 

DOODLEWASHing & monkey pome

Want to monkey around?
just blow with your nose
to create a sound
that tingles the toes

However, it’s said
if a monkey you bed
your kids will be hairy
swing from the trees
blowing their noses
and hang by their knees

Whoops, WRONG picture
Whoops, WRONG picture.  Sorry Charlie O’ . . .

“Unfortunately, like many of this unusual creatures, this species is classified as endangered. Though an odd face, they’re generally good natured with each other, but due to extensive loss of vegetation, there are only about 1,000 of them left. The government of Borneo has instituted strict penalties for those who kill them in an effort to protect what’s left of the dwindling population.”

If you want to see the PROBOSCIS MONKEY’S picture you will have to click here: DOODLEWASH

DOODLEWASHing & a shrimpy pome

The Peacock mantis shrimp
is no wimp.
Its rear sways
while the front prays
that its glow
doesn’t go.
4 inches is enough
to strut it’s stuff

Watercolor Peacock Mantis Shrimp by Charlie O'
Watercolor, Peacock Mantis Shrimp by Charlie O’Shields

“Some mantis shrimp species are rather romantic, meeting their dream shrimp and staying together for life, which is up to 20 years. These lovebirds share the same burrow, protect their eggs, and help each other in hunting. When particularly aroused during mating rituals, the mantis shrimp will start to fluoresce. This means, you guessed it, they have glow-in-the-dark sex, which more than qualifies them as an uncommon creature.”

Click here to find out why the shrimp is no wimp: doodlewash

DOODLEWASHing – What’s all the Stink About?

“Along with its spiky reddish-brown hairdo, it’s quite a sight to behold. It’s also a bird that you are better off viewing from a safe distance due to its other key characteristic that has earned it’s rather insulting nickname. But it’s an accurate one, as the stinkbird actually does smell like poop.”

judy’s stink bird pome

The Stink bird, if you will
is a walking, pecking still
Its cow poop smell
is just a cover
for a liquor lover.

Stink bird by Charlie O'
Watercolor Stink bird by Charlie O’ Shields

Wanna know why it stinks?  Ya gotta click here:  DOODLEWASH Sinkbird  

doodlewashing & wailing (the wailing part is me)

Found a grrrrrrrrreat new blog doodlewash.  The artist CHARLIE O’SHIELDS is good AND his subjects are weird and wonderful critters (at least the ones I’ve seen so far) My kinda guy!  To make it even better the information he posts about the animals he draws is fascinating.

As those of you who follow my blog know I’ve been in a slump – physically, mentally and creatively.  The minute I saw Charlie’s drawings and read about critters . . . well . . .  it inspired the poet in me.

judy’s jerboa pome

Long-eared jerboa
picky diet of insects
nibbles on their feet
but spits out their toa

Long Eared
Watercolor, Long Eared Jaboa by Charlie O’Shields

“Caught on video for the first time in 2007, this little creature may look like an odd little rodent, but it’s really quite distinct. There’s no other animal of its exact type on the planet. Looking a bit like a mouse-sized kangaroo, it’s humorously long legs give it the ability to jump over 3 feet (1 meter) high.”

To read the part that inspired my pome ya gotta click here: DOODLEWASH

Hacker Appreciation pome

In my life time I’ve been whacked

I’ve been blindsided

and been sacked

Now I’m included

 in the pantheon of the hacked

So if you are my hacker

please know I AM pleased

you used a younger picture of me

as a tease.

IACH Board having fun

"More proof she's losing it . . ."

 “More proof she’s losing it . . .”

My Naughty or Nice Pome

When you’re stuck in the middle tween naughty or nice

here’s free advice to add some spice

Be sure to indulge in all things obscene

(as long as the police don’t intervene)

You can’t live twice . . . so shake, rattle ‘n roll . . . them dice

snake-eyes-7520068

Write on! – Alls fair

       Assignment from my writing class – An incident when you were treated unfairly or you treated someone else unfairly.”  I think I covered both . . .

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Unfair Treatment – Body, Mind & Me

By judy westerfield

     “More! More!” my mind screams at me. Her desire reverberates throughout my body. Once again, I’m caught in the middle ­ between body and mind, between hedonism and health.

     The three of us — body, mind and me — have been together a very long time. Over the years the mind has grown bolder, louder. To keep the peace I usually do what she says, even though it’s often based on want rather than need. Today is no exception.

     For the second time in less than an hour I retrieve the half-gallon carton from the freezer.

     “More! More!” She is unrelenting.

     “Calm down. “I’m scooping as fast as I can.”

     I ladle from the carton to the soup bowl — 1/3 less fat, 120 calories, $2.99 on sale — spoonfuls of vanilla, chock full of chocolate chunks and ripples of golden caramel. Hard, too hard. I like it soft, just this side of starting-to-melt. Ten seconds in the microwave will do it. I’ve perfected the timing.

     “More! More!”

     “You will just have to wait 10 seconds.” I can be firm.

     It’s creamy, cold, sweet and glides deliciously from the lips all the way down to the stomach.

     “Ahhhh. Mmmm,” the mind purrs and declares it to be an invention ranking right up there with the discovery of fire, the wheel and Tampax.

     The bowl is empty. She points out that there’s more in the carton, purposely left out on the counter, which is now just the right soft consistency.

     “120 calories per serving . . . 12 servings per carton . . .1,440 calories,“ she calculates. “We’ll just skip dinner.”

*   *   *

     “Why? Why?” My distended stomach cries out, pushing painfully against the waistband of my pants. Hips expand, thighs grate together, intestines grumble while impolitely relieving themselves of gas as I walk to the trash to throw away the empty carton.

     The body unfairly treated, yet again, by me. And the mind . . . she’s still screaming . . .

     “More! More!”

crbs0540508

There is no “between the lines”

Do unto others

Do not read between the lines

It’s no mystery

Haiku Horizons - prompt BETWEEN
Haiku Horizons – prompt BETWEEN

The Golden Rule originates in a well-known Torah verse (Hebrew: “ואהבת לרעך כמוך”):

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against your kinsfolk. Love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. —Leviticus 19:18

Baha’i:  Deal ye one with another with the utmost love and harmony, with friendliness and fellowship . . . So powerful is the light of unity that it can illuminate the whole earth. Baha’u’llah, Teachings on Spiritual Reality

Christianity: All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them.  Matthew 7:12

Judaism: What is hateful to you, do not to your fellowmen. That is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary. Talmud, Shabbat 31:a

Hinduism: This is the sum of duty: Do naught unto others which would cause you pain if done to you. Mahabharata 5:1517

Islam: No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself. Sunnah

Buddhism: Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful. Udana Varga 5:18

Confucianism: Surely it is the maxim of loving-kindness: Do not unto others that you would not have them do unto you. Analects 15:23

Zoroastrianism: That nature alone is good which refrains from doing unto another whatsoever is not good for itself. (Dadistan-i-dinik 94:5).

Jainism: Killing a living being is killing one’s own self; showing compassion to a living being is showing compassion to oneself. He who desires his own good, should avoid causing any harm to a living being. Suman Suttam , verse 151

You’ve got a Microbiome!

 They call us “home”

our microbiome.

Our body spews 

a cloud no one can see

Bacteria, viruses, fungi

intermingling you and me

Releasing microbes in the air

from head to toe where ever we go

Because they’re here to stay

Don’t waste your money

on bug spray

If you don’t believe me read: wherever-you-go-your-personal-cloud-of-microbes-follows

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An excerpt:

“Each of us carries around millions of microorganisms – including bacteria, fungi and viruses — on the inner and outer surfaces of our bodies. Most of them aren’t dangerous. In fact, growing evidence indicates that they help us in lots of ways. Scientists call this collection of organisms our microbiome.”

‘”A lot of the recent work on the human microbiome has revealed that we’re kind of spilling our microbial companions all over our houses and our offices and the people around us,” Meadow says.”

“Meadow says the findings raise a number of possibilities, including, maybe, one day being able to identify a criminal by analyzing the microbial cloud he or she leaves behind at the scene.”

We know that if you live with people, and even if you just work with people, your microbial communities come to resemble theirs over time, Knight says. “And in the past we used to think that was due to touch. It may be just that you’re releasing microbes into the air and some of those microbes are colonizing the people you’re with.”

Write on! “I deserve . . .”

  My  inner 7 year old slightly rebelled at this assignment from my new writing class.

A Serious Assignment for the Deserving

(prompt: start the story with “I deserve . . .”)

By judy Westerfield

     I deserve to be punished for my sins which are the following — Jennifer stopped writing. She mindlessly scratched Trotter, curled up next to her, behind his ears with one hand while the other hand pushed the eraser end of the pencil in her cheek — the part of her cheek she checked every day to see if she had a dimple yet. Like the dimple her best friend Carmen had.

     She read which are the following” out loud. Grown up words, and sin was a grown-up subject. A good way to start so the teacher would know she took the assignment seriously.

     Deserve . . . she thought hard, rearranged the pillows, propped herself up on the bed startling Trotter who rearranged himself and curled up again.

I deserve to be punished for my sins which are the following–

   #1. I ate my brother Josh’s Jelly Bellys and said he was lying when he told Mom.

  #2. I hit my brother Rick and told Mom he hit me

  #3. I watched my brother Sean kiss his girlfriend.

 Carmen agreed with her, it was a stupid assignment writing ten things you “deserve”. The teacher said it had to be about “deserve”, not about what mattered, like what you want or what you need. Carmen called it estúpido. And it was hard to figure out what qualified as a sin. Jennifer squinted wondering if calling the teacher’s assignment stupid was sinful.

   #4. I deserve to have my own room and not have to share it with my s stoopido sister Becca.

   #5. I deserve to be punished if it’s a sin calling my sister and this assignment stupid.

     She flipped open her i-pad and Googled “deserve” — “to merit or have a claim to reward, punishment . . . because of circumstances: to deserve a pay raise; to deserve exile.

   #6. I deserve a pay raise because I need more money to buy things.

   #7. I deserve to have my sister and brothers exiled so I can be an only child.

      She added exiled to Alaska.

   Trotter nudged her, rolled over on his back, signaling time to scratch him on the stomach and think some more — If her mom and dad really loved her they would give her everything she deserved. It wasn’t fair her sister and brothers deserved a bigger helping of dessert, or deserved to stay up late or deserved their own room, just because they were older. It wasn’t fair and proof her parents loved them more.        

   #8. I deserve to get a good grade for this assignment.

     Scratching Trotter with one hand, she tapped out a text message to Carmen with the other: need 2 mor deservs txt me yurz

how du u spel s stoopido

"There she goes . . . again"
“There she goes . . . again”

Go! Fish!

One of my favorite childhood poems:

Fishy fishy in a brook

Papa catch ’em with a hook

Mama fry ’em in a pan

Baby eat ’em like a man

Here’s my updated version based on new medical technology:

Fishy fishy in your bod

cleaning out all your sod

from top of head to little toe

Sushi, sushi on the go

"Food for thought. "
“Food for thought. “

Read this excerpt from the article that inspired me to wax poetic:

“Tiny “fish” could soon be swimming in your bloodstream.”

“Nanoengineers at the University of California, San Diego, have developed 3D printing technology called “microscale continuous optical printing” that can print hundreds of microrobots within seconds, each one smaller than the width of a single hair.

“Wei Zhu, a nanoengineering Ph.D. student who co-authored the report, wrote that “the microfish can doubly serve as detoxification systems and as toxin sensors.” When the researchers incorporated toxin-neutralizing nanoparticles into the microfish bodies, they found that their powerful swimming ability allowed them to efficiently clean out toxins from the solution. When the particles interacted with toxins, they emitted a red glow; the greater the presence of toxins, the greater the intensity of the glow.”

“The researchers are exploring the possibility of using this as a medical tool. They want to incorporate medicine into the microfish so that they can be injected into someone’s system in order to distribute drugs.”

Click on the title if you don’t believe me!

Write on – Unfair Treatment

Since I spend a lot of time (off and on) writing this blog and attending a writing critique group I figured it’s time to learn the tools of the trade.  I signed up for a free Emeritus writing class from the local junior college.  (“emeritus” is a sophisticated word for anyone who qualifies for Social Security.) 

The first assignment was to write a two page SHORT story about being unfairly treated or treating someone else unfairly. 

(Names have been omitted to protect my image)

Unfair Treatment – Body, Mind & Me

By Judy Westerfield

     “More! More!” my mind screams at me. Her desire reverberates throughout my body. Once again, I’m caught in the middle ­ between body and mind, between hedonism and health.

     The three of us — body, mind and me — have been together a very long time. Over the years the mind has grown bolder, louder. To keep the peace I usually do what she says, even though it’s often based on want rather than need. Today is no exception.

     For the second time in less than an hour I retrieve the half-gallon carton from the freezer.

     “More! More!” She is unrelenting.

     “Calm down. “I’m scooping as fast as I can.”

      I ladle from the carton to the soup bowl –­ 1/3 less fat, 120 calories, $2.99 on sale ­ — spoonfuls of vanilla, chock full of chocolate chunks and ripples of golden caramel. Hard, too hard. I like it soft, just this side of starting-to-melt. Ten seconds in the microwave will do it. I’ve perfected the timing.

      “More! More!”

      “You will just have to wait 10 seconds.” I can be firm.

        It’s creamy, cold, sweet and glides deliciously from the lips all the way down to the stomach.

     “Ahhhh. Mmmm,” she purrs and declares it to be an invention ranking right up there with the discovery of fire, the wheel and Tampax.

      The bowl is empty. She points out that there’s more in the carton, purposely left out on the counter, which is now just the right soft consistency.

     “120 calories per serving . . . 12 servings per carton . . .1,440 calories,“ she calculates. “We’ll just skip dinner.”

*         *         *

     “Why? Why?” My distended stomach cries out, pushing painfully against the waistband of my pants. Hips expand, thighs grate together, intestines grumble while impolitely relieving themselves of gas as I walk to the trash to throw away the empty carton.

     The body unfairly treated, yet again, by me. And the mind . . . she’s still screaming . . .    

   “More! More!”

Bob Blobfish sez:
Bob Blobfish sez: “. . . I prefer ice cream cones –  they’re easier to hold in the water”

Now THAT’S a mouthful . . .

 “The Oxford English Dictionary has added a slew of new words, and let’s just say these awesomesauce entries will have you fangirling.”

  • fast-casual, adj.: denoting or relating to a type of high-quality self-service restaurant offering dishes that are prepared to order and more expensive than those available in a typical fast-food restaurant
  • cakeagen.: (informal) a charge made by a restaurant for serving a cake they have not supplied themselves
  • beer o’clockn.: an appropriate time of day for starting to drink beer
  • hangryadj.: (informal) bad-tempered or irritable as a result of hunger
  • wine o’clockn.: an appropriate time of day for starting to drink wine
  • snackableadj.: (of online content) designed to be read, viewed, or otherwise engaged with briefly and easily
  • barbacoan.: (in Mexican cooking) beef, lamb, or other meat that has slowly been cooked with seasonings, typically shredded as a filling in tacos, burritos, etc.
  • cupcakeryn.: a bakery that specializes in cupcakes
“I love a mouthful”
 

The Two-Way challenged their colleagues to see who could use the most new additions in a single sentence. Here’s Lauren Hodges, THE WINNER!!!

“Hey bruh, NBD and I don’t want to bants or act all butthurt, but I will straight-up rage-quit our lease over your fur-baby, who is rly not awesomesauce, despite your repeated attempts to mansplain its resting bitch face as “pensive,” or its constant theft of my frozen barbacoa burritos because it was hangry and craving something melty even though you get all cheffy for it three times a day, or its butt-dialing my ex because you didn’t see my phone sitting there while you were getting it to kayfabe all over the table for your rando friends, or my swole eyes being from my constant celebrations of beer o’clock and wine o’clock because we both know that dog manspreads all over my pillows when I’m not home, so stop with your weak sauce deradicalization and attempts to make this a skippable topic and by the way, you might want to get it to stop chewing my shoes before it gets hit on the head with this mic drop, mkay?”

 For the complete list of new words – tech related, silly, political/social developments AND other mouthful-entries click HERE

Don’t think that because I picked out only the food related new words to share with you  I am a rando (randa?),  mkay?

 

Giving amnesty to Daddy-longlegs

A Daddy-longlegs spider lives in my bathroom. It might be a Mommy-longlegs as she’s quite petite.  My eyesight isn’t good enough to tell her gender.  Even if I could I’m not sure what to look for . . .

I let her live there peacefully since we have a lot in common.  She’s discrete, I’ve never seen her entertain overnight visitors and quite tidy as I’ve never found any droppings of  left-overs from digested meals.   She leads a very monastic existence as do I (on occasion).

A Daddy Short-Legs Spider
A Daddy Short-Legs Spider

I’m not afraid of spiders (except those bigger than my thumb).  I try to steer clear of them because when I get bitten by one I have a painful, very painful,  allergic response. There is a legend that Daddy-longlegs are deadly venomous spiders which, after careful research, I found not to be true:

“Daddy-longlegs spiders (Pholcidae)There is no reference to any pholcid spider biting a human and causing any detrimental reaction. If these spiders were indeed deadly poisonous but couldn’t bite humans, then the only way we would know that they are poisonous is by milking them and injecting the venom into humans. For a variety of reasons including Amnesty International and a humanitarian code of ethics, this research has never been done. . . . Therefore, no information is available on the likely toxic effects of their venom in humans, so the part of the myth about their being especially poisonous is just that: a myth.”  http://spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.htm

I hesitate to get too chummy or name her because one day, should she decide to venture down from her post on the window near the ceiling and try to share my counter space, I might have to kill her.

(And with that, I sound like much of the world fighting for and protecting territory.  Perhaps it’s not so mysterious why we don’t have world peace?)

 

If you want to remember – Forgeta bout it!

I’m so smart.  I’ve been employing this strategy for years!  The only problem is when I remember what I forgot, I forget why I needed to remember what I forgot to remember.

gettyimages-475158629edit_slide-4874e948fe7a268e4ff21523af7a56cdfcc5dfe9-s800-c85

Leigh Wells/Ikon Images/Getty Images

Trying To Remember Multiple Things May Be The Best Way To Forget Them

by CHRIS BENDEREV

“A new scientific model of forgetting is taking shape, which suggests keeping multiple memories or tasks in mind simultaneously can actually erode them.”

“Neuroscientists already knew that memories can interfere with and weaken each other while they are locked away in the recesses of long-term memory. But this new model speaks to what happens when multiple memories are coexisting front and center in our minds, in a place called “working memory.”‘
“It argues that when we let multiple memories come to mind simultaneously, those memories immediately lock into a fierce competition with each other.” When these memories are tightly competing for our attention the brain steps in and actually modifies those memories,” says Jarrod Lewis-Peacock, a neuroscientist at UT Austin.”

“The brain crowns winners and losers. If you ended up remembering the milk and forgetting the phone call, your brain strengthens your memory for getting milk and weakens the one for phoning your friend back, so it will be easier to choose next time you’re faced with that dilemma.”

It’s a strain on my brain

to remember

whether it’s June, July or December

Multiple memories,

lots of tasks

my brain crowns the winner

which I reward with dinner

Eats I never forget

Food being a permanent mind set

P.S. I forgot to tell you that you can read the entire article by clicking on the title above.

 

 

 

 

It’s SWEEPS “weak”

Haven’t blogged in a while. The last few weeks have been rough – the fibro-fatigue-fiends frolicking fearlessly.  I’m looking for my mop.

mad, sad, fatigue, fear

sweeping away sanity

the broom of my brain

92db0134526be573f75d3cf4e9645951

dust storm of feelings

tiny particles of dirt

blowing through my mind

6827_view

wring out the debris 

clean clear water, bucket brain

gratitude mop up

Haiku Horizons - prompt SECRET
Haiku Horizons – prompt SWEEP

 

Can you imagine what it will be like 50 years from now?

Scientists have grown the entire forelimb of a rat in a lab . . . and it moves!

 Hidden in plain sight

God’s miraculous secrets*

Waiting to be found

photo curtesy of
Bernhard Jank, MD/Ott Laboratory, Massachusetts General Hospital Center for Regenerative Medicine

Dr. Harold Ott, head of the Ott Laboratory for Organ Engineering and Regeneration, and his team at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston were able to “engineer rat forelimbs with functioning vascular and muscle tissue,”  . . .

“This may be an important first step leading to the eventual creation of functional, bioartificial limbs that could be used in transplants.”

Ott says this work “finally proved that we can regenerate functional muscle.” (They know because they ran an electrical current through the muscle tissue — and the little rat limb began to twitch).”

“They’ve since applied the first part of this technology — stripping cells from the framework — to the arms of primates, showing the process might work on the human scale.”

Haiku Horizons - prompt SECRET
*Haiku Horizons – prompt SECRET

Read the article: In Massachusetts Lab Scientists Grow an Artificial Rat Limb

Freddie’s Flash Fiction – The Tree

Dear Human-beings and other creatures, Those of you who follow my posts know how frank and fundamentally illuminating they are (not to mention how fantastically informative about the human condition).   This post is no exception as my story The Tree has an important lesson for all to heed.

Here is my first (and possibly only) draft of the story.  Those of you who appreciate and are knowledgable about this genre your “critique” would be appreciated before I am sought out by publishers.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

 Freddie’s Flash Fiction

The Tree

By Freddie Parker Westerfield

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree. (I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old) Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling.  Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground.  The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town.  Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.

One day, after years of being claimed, the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog  who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

The tree, ever alert for impending indignities,  spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching.   Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words.  So it picked up its roots and walked away.

The end of my tail

The End

Frankly & Faithfully yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Canine Dog Therapist RET, Author

Read my last published work: The Real Tail of Little Red Riding Hood

 

Sneek a Peek – I wrote a Pie Man pome

A weird collage I did in my journal led me to the Pie Man. 

judy's journal collage
judy’s journal collage

Pie Dream

The pie man delivers

in the dark of night

To your brain he goes straight

when it’s quiet and late

not to give you a fright

He’s a curious sight

Wearing pie on his head,

very berry red

a flaky vest on his chest

 he‘s a living taste test

His eyes are wacky

lips are smacky

from too much snacky

of tasty pie

a slightly weird guy

Pie Man After his midnight snack
Pie Man, After his midnight snack

But you’ll think him quite swell

because he’ll never tell

how much you eat

in your dreamy treat

Strawberry, apple or cherry pie

give them all a try

Pecan if you like a crunchy start

Key lime or lemon for sweet ‘n tart

So when you go to bed

No need for dread

chocolate, banana, coconut cream

each taste a luscious dreamy dream

Eat all you crave in your reveries

Pie man guarantees

no calories

 

Cure for pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis – Part III

Stroppy became famous from Esther Newton’s weekly writing challenge

For those of you new to my blog read the beginning of the story below to learn how Stroppy and her lonely astronaut ended up in the black abyss of outer space.

_______________________

Writing challenge #3 –  A 10-word story using the following 5 words:  Fedora, Patagonia, pink, melancholy, and Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (apparently the longest word in the dictionary, meaning a lung disease caused by inhalation of very fine silica or quartz dust – which, as we all know, is easily contracted should you find yourself untethered in space)

Patagonia*, adjusting her pink fedora, cured her melancholy astronaut’s pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis.

*”Patagonia” is one of Stroppy’s nick-names, which she often uses when feeling a bit frivolous.

DSCN6280

Writing challenge #1 – A 20-word story, using the words, ‘fairy’, ‘tomato’, ‘stroppy’, ‘nuzzling’ and ‘astronaut’.

Nuzzling the alien Stroppy, the lonely astronaut watched the tomato-earth rise. Stroppy comforted him. It’s no fairy-tale in space.

_____________________

Writing challenge #2 – use the following sentence in a story of any length: “I can’t believe I’m actually going to do this, I thought.”

Stroppy eyed her lonely astronaut tethered next to her in space I can’t believe I’m actually going to do this, she thought. Now that we’ve nuzzled it’s time. She bit cleanly through his safety tether and taking his gloved hand in hers pointed the jet thruster toward home. With a twinkle in her eye and terror in his, they zoomed off into the vacuum of space to meet Mom and Dad.

 

 

 

Up a Tree X 8

An octopus in the sea

decided “Hey, this isn’t for me.” 

Climbing out of the muck

 said “If my life’s going to suck

I might as well be up a tree.”

treeocto

The Pacific Northwest tree octopus (Octopus paxarbolis) apparently was first sighted in the temperate rain forests of the Olympic Peninsula on the west coast of North America.  

However, since octopi, or more grammatically proper, octopuses (crediting Maggie Wilson , The Zombies Ate My Brain, for this important research) , are extremely intelligent  (“Some evolutionary theorists suppose that ‘arboreal adaptation’ is what laid the groundwork in primates for the evolution of the human mind.”) it appears tree octopuses are acclimating to harsher and milder climes in their quest for survival.  

 Check out sightings of the ALLEGED tree Octopus here.

Thanks to Jacqui Murray for helping to make me, her public, aware of this, ahem, “endangered species

Jacqui Murray, Ask a Tech Teacher

True Facts about the Octopus . . . . . and the Pentapus

Excess in life

just leads to strife

All I need is five 

to stay alive

One with which to eat

Two for feet

One to comb my hairDSCN6276

whether or not it’s there

and the last to procreate

Who on earth needs eight?

Thanks Daru!

 

 

Who said life was fair?

Alas, fair maiden

bereft of  biting remarks

all your teeth are gone

*     *     *

a judy doodle
a judy doodle

Alas, fair maiden

your ears continue to grow

as your stature shrinks

*     *     *

Alas, fair maiden

eat chocolate, drink wine, love, laugh

life is pretty good

*     *     *

Bob Blobfish sez: ". . .  no comment  . . "
Bob Blobfish sez: “. . . who needs teeth?  . . “
Haiku Horizons - prompt FAIR
Haiku Horizons – prompt FAIR

 

 

Stroppy and the Astronaut, Part II

I can’t believe I’m actually going to do this, I thought, as I wrote Stroppy and the Astronaut, part II  for this writing challenge from Esther Newton.  The sentence (in red) has to be included somewhere in the story:  

Click here for my first “Stroppy Story” which might, or might not, help you understand this one. 

DSCN6264

Stroppy eyed her lonely astronaut tethered next to her in space I can’t believe I’m actually going to do this, she thought. Now that we’ve nuzzled it’s time. She bit cleanly through his safety tether and taking his gloved hand in hers pointed the jet thruster toward home. With a twinkle in her eye and terror in his, they zoomed off into the vacuum of space to meet Mom and Dad.

Bob Blobfish sez: ". . .  I can’t believe she actually wrote this, he thought.  . . "
Bob Blobfish: “. . . I can’t believe she actually wrote this, he thought. . . “

 

A prayer, a plea and a promise

May heavenly rain

water the hearts of mankind

with loving-kindness

th_004K0516FTa-1

*     *     *

Flotsam of our past

it’s water under the bridge

Wave from river banks

*     *     *

Washed away through tears

Cleansed through the sweat of our brow

human suffering

*     *     * 

Haiku Horizons - prompt WATER
Haiku Horizons – prompt WATER

Amusingly Mindful Meditative Amusement – with Stroppy

I fall asleep when I try to meditate. Doesn’t matter what type of meditation, I fall asleep.  So I’m now practicing my own form: “Meditative Amusement” (or should I call it “Amusing Meditation” or “Mindful Amusement”?).    

Focusing on amusing myself matches the conventional definition of meditation* (AND makes me smile which is therapeutic in itself), don’t you think? 

Here’s what led me to Amusing Meditation:   Jacqui Murray who has an excellent writing blog – Word Dreams (among many other blogs) introduced me to Esther Newton, a British author, who has a weekly writing challenge . . . 

This week’s challenge is to write a 20-word story, using the words, ‘fairy’, ‘tomato’, ‘stroppy’, ‘nuzzling’ and ‘astronaut’

alien Stroppy
alien Stroppy by j

My 20-word story:

Nuzzling the alien Stroppy, the lonely astronaut watched the tomato-earth rise. Stroppy comforted him. It’s no fairy-tale in space.

Try mindfully amusing yourself – having your own Stroppy is optional.

*”A practice of concentrated focus upon a sound, object, visualization, the breath, movement, or attention itself in order to increase awareness of the present moment, reduce stresspromote relaxation, and enhance personal and spiritual growth.”

Beyond the A to Z Challenge, well beyond . . . Eternity

Recently two very close and dear friends died. They were both younger than me – by at least 10 years.  I was hit by painful sadness and simultaneously comforted by a belief:

Several years ago I was depressed.  Life was the color of dirty grey.  I was in a fibromyalgia flare and feeling helpless.  I wasn’t suicidal, just weary, really weary, of pushing through the pain and exhaustion. Half jokingly I wrote to my Baha’i friend and mentor something to the effect:  “I’m ready to leave this earthly plane. Beam me up into eternity”

He wrote back four words which rocked me to my core:  “You are in eternity.”

Judy's journal page, mixed media
Looking Beyond, a judy-journal page, mixed media

You see, I had always assumed life here on earth as a human was separate from the “eternal realm”.  I thought that after I died I would then be in eternity.  It was a paradigm shift for me.  It is strangely comforting to know we are all already in eternity – you, me, my friends.

Believing knowing

we are in eternity

life is never short

Haiku Horizons - prompt SHORT
Haiku Horizons – prompt SHORT

 

“Z” is for Catching some Zeds. snooooooooozzzzzzzzzzzz

“A” started the day

with Anything Goes”

“Z” brings the challenge to a close

Posting 6 days a week was a chore

If by chance you found it a bore

give me some credit please

for helping you catch some zzzzzz’s

DSCN4718
“ZZZzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzz”

English speakers equate sleep with zzzzzzzz, more specifically snoring.  The British call sleeping  “Catching some zeds.”

If I had earlier researched how languages represent “sleeping” I could have used this topic for 5 other letters of the alphabet:

  • “C”Germans use “chrrr,” which considering the typical German pronunciations of ch and r—is closer to snoring than “zzz.”
  • “R” – The French, who also favor a sonically rich r, use “rrroooo,” “rrr,” “roon,” “ron,” and so on. The Spanish similiarly use “rooooon.”
  • “G” – The Japanese use characters that transliterate as “guu guu,” 
  • “M”Mandarin Chinese use characters sounding like “hu lu.”
  • “K”Finns use “kroohpyyh,”

Why does Z stand for snoring

crbs0540508
“A” is for Annoying sounds

Chrrr, rrooooo, ZZZZ, guu guu, hu lu, kroohpyyh, 

and so ends the A to Z Alphabet Challenge

It’s been a snoooooozzzzzzzzzzzzz

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

“X” marks the spot

“X” gets tired and worries a lot

always being the one

to mark the spot

afraid no one will find it

unless he is there

He does it for free

no complaints or “why me?”

It’s his lot in life

no children or wife

just spots to mark

It’s really no lark

not having a say

where he’s to stay

I bet you wouldn’t like

always being put on the spot

So the least you might do

is pay him a fee

or occasionally use

a “Y” or a “Z”

"x" by j
“x” by j
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
"I think she forgot to mention it's National Poetry Month as a rationale"
“I think she forgot to mention it’s National Poetry Month  . . . as a rationale”

“V” is for Vampire Squid

“The Vampire squid from hell

is actually rather quite swell

 He doesn’t suck blood

 or lurk in  the mud

but in chilly, dark waters drifts free

where he never eats meats

just low-calorie treats

that sink toward the bottom of the sea

A sighting is transforming

But here’s a forewarning

always go in the morning

and certainly not on a whim

For late at night you’ll die from fright

especially if you can’t swim

The scientific name for the species, Vampyroteuthis infernalis, translates to “vampire squid from hell,” but the animal’s behavior isn’t all that intimidating.

“Vampire squid drift in chilly, dark waters with low oxygen levels up to 9,800 feet (3,000 meters) below the surface. They have a low metabolism and they eat low-calorie foods — mostly “marine snow,” or clumps of particles, that sink down the water column.”

The new findings were published  in the journal Current Biology.”

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

“U” is for U-turn

U, A, E, I and O

The “U” we all knew

was stuck on the end

One day he decided to play

and not go to work in the usual way

He did a U-turn and went to the head

giving all the vowels he now led

a brand new way to be said

u, a, e, i, o by j
u, a, e, i, o by j
 

Sometimes “Y”

who is such a good guy

wants to go along for the ride

but for this little ditty

Sometimes Y’s just not witty

It’s just a fact I can’t hide

There she goes . . . again”
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

“T” is for Terrible Terror Bird

Have you ever heard of the Terror Bird?

He was real,  it’s not absurd

At ten feet tall

his turds weren’t small

and his face alone

could turn you to stone

It would have frightened me so

to be kicked with his toe

knocked out with his breath

then  pecked to death

 What could I say to not be his prey?

“Good day, Mr Bird, I won’t get in your way”

“Whatever you want, whatever you say”

“It’s not nice to eat

my flesh for your meat”

It’s a relief to now know

His reign is no go

Terror Bird is toast

just bones at the most

or maybe . . . a 40 pound roast?

“An army of huge carnivorous “terror birds” — some as big as 10 feet tall — ruled South America for tens of millions of years before going extinct some 2.5 million years ago.”

“Now, with the discovery of a new species of terror bird called Llallawavis scagliai [in Argentina] paleontologists are gaining fresh insight into this fearsome family of top predators.”

o-LLALLAWAVIS-570

“Llallawavis likely lived around 3.5 million years ago, near the end of terror birds’ reign, according to the researchers. It stood about four feet tall and weighed about 40 pounds.”

An article describing the findings was published online March 20 in the Journal of Vertebrate Paleontology.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/04/10/terror-bird-fossil-discovered_n_7040716.html

http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

“R” is for Running low on petrol

Have you noticed that I’ve been amusing myself writing poems lately?  (If you haven’t noticed that is evidence you are not reading my blog as often as you should be!)

My chronic fatigue has reared its “rear”.  Sitting and moving my fingers on the keyboard, one at a time, is about all the physical energy I have had to expend.  (mental energy is another matter . . .)

There once was a  lass

who ran out of gas

As her windshield grew hazy

she became quite lazy

removing the rust from her a_ _

"I hope you didn't hear that!"
“I hope you didn’t hear that!”
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

“Q” is for Quirky Quacks Queueing-up

All the duckies in a queue

lined up one by one, two by two

waiting for their water-wings

floaties, tubes and safety things

For duckies who can’t swim

no need to give up  life & limb

Any help to get ashore

is well worth waiting for

“It’s a ducky thing,” they quack and quip

“Much cheaper than a rescue ship.”

"She has too much time on her hands . . ."
“She has too much time on her hands . . .”
DSCN5672
Duckies
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/
http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/