The early bird
“gets” the worm.
Category Fun & Frivolity
There’s an Elephant in the Room – Self Isolation, Series ON!
If indeed you despair
Isolation needn’t be a bear
Find your own elephant
whose advice waxes eloquent
(not to mention relevant)
And if your friends are petulant
please share!
We’re all about self-care
Click on each image to read Elph’s guidance
First Week of Self Isolation
Second Week of Self Isolation
Third Week of Self Isolation
Elephant in the Room: It’s to dye for
Elephant says:
It’s a new day
time for a new do
a little color, a bit of spray
so the real you shines through
Click here for : The Elephant in the Room , Self Isolation and Self Indulgence
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room, Liven up your environment
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room,Self Isolation Selfies
The Elephant in the Room: Posing
Elephant Says:
Don’t be lame
Get off your bum
Stretch, don’t strain
calm your brain
Yoga-phant by Peggy
Click here for : The Elephant in the Room , Self Isolation and Self Indulgence
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room, Liven up your environment
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room,Self Isolation Selfies
The Elephant in the Room – Self Isolation: Veg About
The Elephant says:
Since it’s only us
Here’s our new plan
No need to cook
Eat out of the can.
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room,Self Isolation Selfies
Click here for : The Elephant in the Room , Self Isolation and Self Indulgence
Click here for: The Elephant in the Room, Liven up your environment
Fur Fun: Turning to exercise
Twist and shout
work it all out
Pound the pillows
you’ll lose the kilos
Toss and turn
Calories will burn
Wake up thinner
in time for dinner
Fur Fun: Opportunity
The Fate of young ladies who “demurred”
with Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos or Mark Zuckerberg
There once was a Miss
who declined a kiss
fearing the poor lad
would make her look bad
if the news leaked
about her and this geek.
There’s no mystery
The rest is history
This fearful honey
is out of the money
Frankly Freddie – Dog O’ Blog, Phineas
Unlike me who is very paws-on, Phineas prefers to manage his blog, doodlewash and all the affairs of his humans, Charlie & Phillipe behind the scenes. Cleverly, Phineas has assigned Charlie to do all the work and be the front-dog.
Water-color by Charlie
I suspect that Charlie tends to click the “publish button” without Phineas’ editorial approval. Why? Because almost ALL the pictures of Phineas are Charlie’s water-color paintings of him rather than photos.
Also, Charlie has jumped to some conclusions about Phineas that we canines would NEVER assume about humans.
Cases in point (I quote Charlie):
“Since he was a rescue found growing up on the tough streets of Topeka, Kansas, we assume he must have a very small town view of the world. This, combined with his rather wrinkled brow that makes it seem like he’s always a bit irritated with something and judging you, led to us deciding he’s also an extremely ultra-conservative Republican.”
Phineas maneuvered Charlie with the very clever ploy that all us smart canines all know:
” . . . this little Basenji has had a wonderfully unique personality from day one. I still remember going to the shelter and seeing a scraggly little dog with hair so coarse it would almost hurt to touch it. I sat down on the floor of his pen to get to know him and within seconds, he leapt into my lap, rolled on his back and stared up at me. If I was at all undecided, it was clear that Phineas had already made the decision for us. I looked down into those mischievous brown eyes that seemed to say, “Dude, let’s get the hell out of here.” And so we did.”
Phineas getting comfortable with Duckie
“Creative” is Charlie’s “gig” . . . we canines just know how to get comfortable
“His first bit of time spent in his crate, he tore the stuffing out of his bed, which doesn’t seem odd for a dog who is bored. However, after pulling out all of the stuffing, he then re-stuffed it into a different shape, which he found to be more desirable. It felt good knowing I had a dog who was also creative. Though already one and half years old when he arrived, he had the energy, curiosity and enthusiasm of a puppy. It seriously wore me out and made me crazy some days, but I couldn’t fault him as these were also traits we shared.”
Water-color by Charlie
Charlie, Charlie, Charlie . . .you are suffering from human naiveté – Phineas doesn’t “ASSUME”, he KNOWS.
“Phineas has quite a rich and complex life that’s quite easy to overlook while simply watching him snoring on the couch. When we have dinner parties, it’s referred to as Phineas Café, not because he actually cooks anything, but because he thinks he owns this restaurant. And he will go up to each guest and won’t leave until they tell him the dinner was wonderful or at least satisfactory. Indeed, his demeanor seems to say that he owns this house and all of its inhabitants as well. When I published my recent book, we imagine Phineas saying, “Oh, no! I’m an author now! How much can one little dog do?” He takes credit for everything that happens in our lives, and assumes he must be in charge of it in some way.“
Charlie O’Shields, Owned by Phineas
“I’m Charlie O’Shields, and I live in Kansas City, Missouri.I started doodlewash in July 2015 to capture little bits of the world in ink and watercolor. Even though I hadn’t picked up a pen to sketch in over 20 years and I’d only just used watercolor for the first time that day, I got super excited about it, and well, Doodlewash was born. (What’s a doodlewash? Click here!)”
“My posts are actually my art journal. . . paintings . . . all typically created in the precious little hour I’ve carved out for myself on a weekend or weekdays after work and before dinner!”
“You can also log into this site with your chosen social media provider and join the club! Doodlewash Club, to be exact. A totally free to join watercolor community where you can get your own artist profile, share your work in our global watercolor gallery, interact with other watercolor artists around the globe, and much, much, more!”
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Editor-in-Canine, Roving Reporter
Jessica SORTING LIFE’S ISSUES WITH JESS.
She is hosting Dogs of Blogs, of which I am one.
Freddie’s Dogs of Blogs Posts:
Doggone Well Done Dogs – Day 1
Phineas earns his badge of distinction
Frankly Freddie – Dogs of No Blogs, Day 2-1/2
Dear Freddie Fans,
Doggone Good Dogs* Buddy and Cookie Klenner
Alas, neither owns a blog.
They must ask their human why they are being deprived of having a public forum.
Can you tell which one is Buddy and which one is Cookie?
Freddie’s Dogs of Blogs Posts:
https://wp.me/pLGhj-aT0 – Day 22
Doggone Well Done Dogs – Day 1
*What’s a “Doggone Good Dog”?
- She or HE has weathered years of human’s life experience.
- She or HE has navigated changes – whether by choice, chance or necessity – and continues to adapt to human idiosyncrasy.
- She or HE contributes to the world by caring for humans, both female and male.
- She or HE is curious and open to having new tasting experiences.
Frankly, Freddie
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET
Jessica SORTING LIFE’S ISSUES WITH JESS.
She is hosting Dogs of Blogs, of which I am one.
model
Fur Fun: Freddie’s Forwarning
You can’t be vain
dancing in the rain
for it’s a sure bet
your paws’ll get wet
your fur will matt
and you’ll looked like
a drowned cat
Fur Fun: Olde Ode
Sometimes I think,
she says with a wink,
I’m stupid and old
if the truth be told.
Cuz it’s hard to remember
the last time I was young,
she says cheek in tongue
The 3 “R’s of Old Age-Raving, Ranting & Regretting
maybe-better-not-do-a-tantrum-on-the-floor-because-who-knows-if-I-ever-will-get-up-again (title – compliments of Sarah! http://secretartexpedition.wordpress.com)
I do not like being an old lady. There’s not much I can do about it but I don’t like it. I don’t like it! I do NOT like it! If there was someone watching right now I would lay down on the floor, pummel my legs up and down and scream out obscenities which I’m too embarrassed to write down proving I’m an old lady because I was taught that ladies, no matter their age, don’t swear. Even now, when I can’t be sent to my room, I hesitate to say “hell” or “shit” much less utter worse. The problem is I don’t even know what current swear words are. (There’s even a bigger problem if I lay down on the floor. With no one here to watch I might not be able to get back up without help.)
The urban slang dictionary didn’t exist until I was well past middle age and I couldn’t even look up cuss words that were creative. I’m now stuck with the “hells” and “I don’t give a damns” because that’s all I learned.
Let’s talk about wrinkles (it’s easier than the belly fat that has accumulated around my mid-section when even sucking in my stomach it still blubs around like Santa Claus’ bowl full of jelly. So wrinkles it is.)
Why would I want wrinkles? . . . to prove I’m as wise as I have ostensibly become? Phony baloney, I’v never seen a wrinkled owl. Rather than look wise it’s easier to look down my elongating nose at people who have plastic surgery, botox or collagen treatments. If I weren’t scared of pain and had the money I’d get rid of my wrinkles. Instead, I’m doomed to cultivating a self-righteous attitude about my aging, sagging, bagging body and pretend to embrace how old I am.
I’ve tried political correctness – how wonderful it is to be wise, to have accumulated all this worldly experience and be on social security . . . I’ve tried to embrace aging, smile when people ask me what I do and act like it’s wonderful to have no career, no purpose, no energy. I’ve tried wrinkle creams that promise me youth. I’ve tried laughing at the “old age” cartoons that appear in my in-box and sting in their truths.
Give me the money (and a bottle of numbing vodka – ladies don’t want alcohol breath) and I’ll be on the next surgeon’s schedule to tighten my jowls, pull up my eyelids and get rid of the bags under my eyes . . .
I’ve even considered moving to another country where old age is supposedly venerated. But I’m too tired to pack so I live in these here United States where I’m wise enough to know it’s the youth who say it like it is and have the energy to make this world a better place.
Old age – phooey. It’s highly over-rated . . . by the elderly.
A Cautionary Tale
Dance while you’re young
Pierce your tongue
Dye your hair green
Eat fat, not the lean
Don’t give a lick what makes you tick
Eat, drink and be merry
because if you tarry
you’ll soon be too old
all covered with mold
and have to scrap it off with a stick
Monday with Mae & Me
Look your best – who said love is blind?
— Mae West
Monday with Mae & Me
“When choosing between two evils,
I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.“
Mae West
Frankly Freddie, Flash Fiction
Since my human judy fractured her ankle all she does is sit around moaning and nothing I do can get her outside. So I take my Peggy for walks every day where we are inspired by nature which in turn inspires my creative writing endeavors.
P.S. Some of this story is auto-biographical but names have been eliminated so I don’t get sued.
Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree.(I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old.) Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling. Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground. The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town. Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.
One day, after years of being claimed,the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.
Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.
The tree, ever alert for impending indignities, spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching. Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words. So it picked up its roots and walked away.
The end of my tail
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDN Canine Dog Novelist
There’s a new post on Forest Bathing. Please tell judy she won’t need to take off her clothes or use soap or water. She can wear her big boot that protects her ankle and I’ll help her meander.
If you want to know what I’m talking about click here: FOREST BATHING
Update on my fractured ankle
Week 7 – My nudge to budge :
-
Gained 6 pounds from sitting and knitting
-
My belly is swelling while I’m dwelling
-
There’s solace in chewing while I’m stewing
-
Now my left arm is sore. Could there be more?
Fractured Head to Toe
Food for the Heel
In Pain, Need Sympathy
Fractured head to toe, day 10
Judy judy in a chair
TV blaring, messy hair
Foot throbbing, rumbled clothes
bleary eyes, throbbing toes
Judy judy bored bored
slowly going out’a her gourd
Judy by judy
Celebrate!
It’s Cinco de Mayo time
Drink tequila and lime
Eat to the beat
Take a chance and dance
so the chips don’t go to your hips
https://catnipblog.com/2017/06/22/brain-dance-bust-a-move-and-a-toe-or-two/
Read: Research findings suggest that combining physical, cognitive, and social engagement like dance can improve cognitive health.
See: Twirl, Whirl & Swirl
Meet My Foot Feat, day 4
It’s only DAY 3 of my “convalescence” and the thought of spending most of my time sitting with my foot up for 3 WEEKS is __________. Fill in the blank and it’s probably close to the mark.
So far I’ve worked on CATNIPblog posts, worked on Peggy & my Happiness project, started reading a new book and watched far too much TV. My “rear-end” is already beginning to hurt as much as my foot.
I have more time on my hands (and feet) than ever yet have less focus than ever. Looking for something creative to add to my sit-down-activities I decided to finish pages (upon pages) I started years ago in my many journals.
judy’s journal, collage, acrylic, marking pens
Today I picked a page that required no thought, just schmearing a bit of paint with my finger and doodling with marking pens. I have no clue why I wrote the fishy-poem I remember from childhood on the page.
Fishy fishy in a brook
Papa catch ’em with a hook
Mama fry ’em in a pan
Baby eat ’em like a man
Need to catch up? Here’s what happened to me:
In pain, Need Sympathy
Food for the HEEL
April 29th – Flashy Fun!!
In 1982 the Dance Committee of ITI founded International Dance Day to be celebrated every year on the 29th April, the birthday of Jean-Georges Noverre (1727-1810), creator of modern ballet. The intention of the International Dance Day Message is to celebrate dance, revel in the universality of this art form, cross all political, cultural and ethnic barriers, and bring people together with a common language – dance.
Take a look at another flash mob, click here: DO RE MI
Monkeying around
As YOU ALL know my favorite things to draw are nudes . . .
Swing from the trees
by your knees
On a whim
go out on a limb
Monkey see, monkey do
I dare you
Easter Pome & “HEALTHY” Chocolate Brownie Recipe
This Easter be a vegetarian
It’s only utilitarian
don’t eat rats
or worms or bats
Celebrate the day
and eat hay
No chocolate covered ants
chow down on plants
No eggs fried
there’s a chick inside
Don’t EAT us few
and we won’t BUG you.
“Be kind to all people, love humanity, consider all mankind as your relations and servants of the most high God.”
Here’s our bribe
It’s hard to describe
Healthy Double Chocolate brownie recipe
Click here to imbibe
Seenagers R Us (Senior Teenagers)
Epiphany! My CATNIPblog co-creator, Peggy, and I are not elderly, we are not senior citizens, we are not wise-women, we are NOT, we are NOT, we are NOT.
We are Seenagers and have everything we wanted as teenagers. It just took us 60 years to get “there”.
Judy & Peggy (Peggy is actually taller than Judy but Judy wears high heels and has to stand up straighter so the birdie doesn’t fall off)
We don’t have to go to school or work.
We get an allowance every month.
We don’t have a curfew.
We have driver’s licenses and our own cars.
We have ID’s that gets us into bars and wine stores. We like the wine store best.
We are not scared of getting pregnant. We aren’t scared of anything because we’ve been blessed to live this long. Why be scared?
We don’t have acne.
Thanks Sharon M.!!!
Check out how Seenagers can improve their BRAINS https://wp.me/p18HbQ-2h4
Celebration, Confession and Happy Anniversary*
Noticed the new header? The critters are creations from CATNIPblog and the magnificently, masterful, murky minds of Peggy & me.
Tweeter, Woofer, Meowie, Squeakie & Grunter the Worm
Prisoner of Love
Here’s whatsup:
After retiring I have more and more time but, as you’ve noticed, there have been fewer and fewer posts on CURIOUS. I have a “tendency” to accomplish things when faced with deadlines and commitments. My other “tendency” is procrastination when left to my own devises.
Peggy, my co-collaborator on CATNIPblog, has provided both – deadlines & commitment. She sets up the posting schedule and my commitment to her provides the impetus.
Because Curious to the Max is my first love – been posting since 2009 – I’ve asked Peggy to help me schedule more CURIOUS posts. She agreed (without completely knowing what she was getting into) to help, although I have not relinquished editorial control. CURIOUS to the Max will stay true to: “Curious STUFF that makes me love, learn and laugh”
CATNIPblog will stay true to:
“Self-care tips, tools, techniques & neuroscience research for MIND, BODY & SOUL – shared with a wink and a smile”
Meowie
*P.S. Peggy and I, grateful for all the support and positive responses we’ve received, are holding a one-year-anniversary drawing from the list of all CATNIP’s subscribers. To get in on the drawing click here:
CATNIPblog.com
Frankly Freddie – Valentine’s Day Pome
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I’m not allowed chocolate
Valentine’s day . . . pooh
The only good thing about Valentine’s day is the candy and I never get any. I sit alone, no valentines, no candy, no romance. The only thing I get is dog food.
If you are sitting home alone on Valentine’s day with dog food you are not alone.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Poet
___________________________________________________
Find out how:
Sugar Increases the “happiness” neurotransmitter serotonin.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Poet
When Politicians Laughed
Michael Davis Ford’s Theater part 2
(Watch the secret service behind the President trying not to laugh)
With all the turmoil in the world I appreciate more than ever anything that makes me laugh.
‘THE JUGGLER‘ is worth another watch – even if you’ve seen it before.
Only those of us over 50 would probably recognize the people in the front row.
Thanks Sharon M.! |
Frankly Freddie – Halloween Orange Alert
To all Human-beings: It’s time for my Halloween ORANGE-ALERT.
This Halloween
Don’t be mean!
Don’t you dare
make others stare
Dressing up
your precious pup
Please be fair!
just let us wear
our own hair.
Example of suspicious clothing
To All my Canine Cousins:
Be on the look-out for your human coming back from the store with suspicious articles of clothing and paraphernalia that is NOT THEIR color, style or size. If they start sweet-talking you or offering you treats RUN for your life & HIDE.
Example of humiliation.
No matter how many times I HAVE TOLD HUMANS not to humiliate us because they want to be amused it happens every year. I prefer to think that Humans just aren’t very smart and have no memory retention beyond a few hours rather than the possibility they are simply insensitive creatures with no regard for our feelings.
Frankly,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, PIC&C
Protector of Innocent Creatures & Critters
and Kittys & Witches
Inktober Unmasked
Mardi Gras Meowie
Oct 31 Prompt MASK
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
INKTOBER – THE END!
Inktober – Happy Halloween
Lost and Found
Oct 30 Prompt FOUND
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Squeaky Inky Tober
A Squeaky Mouse Gets the Cheese
Oct 26 prompt SQUEAK
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Ink Dinky Dinghy
I Spy Matey Meowie
Oct 25 Prompt SHIP
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inktober – Tail Trail
Strolling by the Stream
Oct 22 Prompt TRAIL
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inky Dinky Furry Fury
Meower on the Verge
Oct 21 Prompt FURIOUS
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inky Dinky Inktober – Fat
HEALTHY fat is good for your brain*!
The USDA recommends that healthy adults over the age of 19 consume between 20 and 35 percent of their daily calories from fat. Young children (ages 1 to 3 years) need as much as 40 percent of their daily calories to come from fat. If you eat a diet of 2,000 calories per day, ingest between 44 grams and 77 grams of total fat daily.
Oct 16 Prompt FAT – Sugar High
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inktober – Mysterious
This mysterious kitty is featured on Halloween stuff on our ZAZZLE CATNIP Shop.
- Kitchen Towels
- Paper Cups
- Napkins,
- Mugs
- Special Orders on any thing your heat desires (as long as Zazzle makes it we can decorate it!)
Oct 15 Prompt MYSTERIOUS
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inktober – Teeming with Good Witches
Whaahooo! These witches are found on our ZAZZLE CATNIP Shop. They decorate:
- Kitchen Towels
- Paper Cups
- Napkins,
- Mugs
- Special Orders
Can’t get more “teeming” than that!
Oct 13 Prompt TEEMING
Inktober – Cheesy Perspective
Everything is just a matter of perspective!
Oct 10 Prompt GIGANTIC – It’s the Cheesiest
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inktober – Which Way Witchy
Some days are just like this . . .
Oct 8 Prompt CROOKED – Which Way Witchy
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-7 Day Retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
INKTOBER – The Long & Shy of it
We’re almost caught up for the first week of Inktober with a drawing a day!
Oct 5 Prompt LONG – Meowie
Bashful is a mood magnet on our ZAZZLE/catnip shop but it was an ink drawing first so Peggy & I think it qualifies for Inktober!
Oct 6 Prompt SHY – Bashful Meowie
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week Sunday-retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
http://mrjakeparker.com/inktober
Inky Dinky-Tober – Poison & Under Water
INKTOBER: 31 Days, 31 drawings, based on pre-set prompts.
Oct 3 Prompt POISON, Your Choice
Oct 4 Prompt UNDER WATER, Woofer’s Deep Dive
Posting a drawing a day on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week-retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click-off the dailies!
Inky Dinky October – Swift & Divided
If you’ve followed Curious to the Max for a long time you know I’ve periodically participated in blog-challenges. Having a chronic condition like fibromyalgia sometimes derails me so I talked Peggy Arndt, my co-blogger from CATNIPblog , into participating with me in Inktober.
INKTOBER: 31 Days, 31 drawings, based on pre-set prompts.
Peggy & I have been doing ink sketches for CATNIPblog so here’s da plan:
I’ll post a drawing a day (we are a few days behind) on Curious to the Max with a once-a-week-retrospective on CATNIPblog for those of you who just want to click- off the dailies!
October 1, SWIFT prompt, Meowie Rides Again
Oct 2, Divided prompt, Woofer & Meowie
Tomorrow, I’ll post more “catch-ups”.
If you want to participate too, send us your ink sketches and we’ll post them with ours! Here’s the information:
Frankly Freddie – My new fan club president
Dear Freddie Fans,
Those of you who follow CURIOUS to the Max do not know about my continuing frustration with Peggy & Judy and CATNIPblog. A case in point:
https://catnipblog.com/2017/08/12/frankly-freddie-go-bonkers/
So it is with delight that my fans are beginning to speak up and let Peggy & Judy know
that without me they and their “cats” would be up a tree.
My # 1 fan (at the present) is JOYCE K.* She alone has deluged CATNIPblog with cries for MORE FREDDIE! As a reward I have made her PRESIDENT.
Lick’n Good
Dear Joyce K., Newly Elected Freddie Fan Club President, Stellar human-being and Sender of treats.
I received your payment of one bag of Doggie Treats to join the Freddie Fan Club. The are quite tasty. Thank you. I have nominated you for president and duly elected you to that coveted office. Your official duties are as follows:
- Increase Freddie Fan Club membership to 100. Prospective members should pay a bag of doggie treats directly to you. You will keep track of the inventory and disburse doggie treats on a regular basis (to be determined based on membership payments) to Freddie Parker Westerfield, object of all fans’ adoration.
- Neatly frame and display my autographed picture for all the world to see.
- Find recipes for doggie treats that are tasty.
- Make the recipes for doggie treats every month and send them to Freddie Parker Westerfield, home-made doggie treat connoisseur.
- Other duties to be determined, as needed, warranted or wanted by Freddie.
Frankly,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT RET.
*Joyce is currently owned by several Canine Dogs. Her newest owner COOKIE Dog is probably my cousin. Joyce, please run DNA test.
Cookie K.
Update on my condition
Papa’s Instructions Pome
Children of ours, it’s your time to play
So listen closely to what I say
To your DNA you must stay true
Here’s exactly what you are to do:
Mama Cold, Papa Cold and their 3 virus babies
Baby 1
Dump buckets of muck
up judy’s nose
Make sure you duck
before she blows
Baby 2
Bang on her brain
whistle in her ears
like a choo choo train
til she bursts into tears.
Baby 3
Pound on her head
jump on her chest
all night long in bed
so she gets no rest
Children, it’s now up to you
judy is yours to do
Cuz Mama is weary
teaching how-to
with no app or Siri.
And your papa is tiring
of non-stop siring
It’s Mom & me off to find a new home
Hallelujah! you’re on your own
Practice what we’ve taught
drive judy crazy, make her lazy
don’t give it an afterthought
Spend all your time
making her go outa her mind
Antidote for Santa – Peace & Good Cheer
My Annual Christmas pome – Sick Ole St Nick undoubtedly struck a chord among my many many followers – well at least one . . .
By Sharon Bonin-Pratt*
Goodness, I feel sorry for the poor man in red his weary reindeer and sled
Don’t blame me cuz I’ve never participated in dragging that man from his bed
The worst you can say is I’ve not enough candles and therefore can’t light
All my eight menorahs, yes, count ’em, eight Hanukkah for eight days of light
Tell Santa to give up the late ride and eat chocolate coins wrapped in gold foil
Safer to spin driedles, tell stories of brave Maccabees and the miracle of oil
And he’ll feel much better when he rises well rested at the end of this year
Not having delivered gifts heavier than a wish for peace and good cheer
Happy Chanukah!!
*Disclosure: Printed without permission from the author . .
Annual Christmas Day Pome – Sick Ole St Nick
T’was the Day After Christmas Eve Pome
It’s true so they say that on Christmas day
old St Nick is always sick
from sugar, carbs, inhaling soot
and lunging sacks of children’s loot
Santa has to unbuckle his belt
to make room for cookies, and chocolate gelt
Popping antacids with each milk drink
he’s lactose intolerant, that’s why the wink
Up all night,
by mornings light he’s a fright
The chubby ole fellow, no longer mellow
Back’s in spasm, eyes are red
Climbing to chimney tops, legs like lead
When home he goes, the ho ho hoes
have turned to moans
the silent night filled with grunts and groans
No longer just plump he’s a fat grump
The reindeer too have lost their cheer
for all things festive in the New Year
His packed on pounds during the rounds
create huge drag for even a stag
They huff, puff and wheeze
looking for a stiff breeze
to help carry Santa over roof tops and trees
All the way back the reindeer pray
he’ll loose 50 pounds before next Christmas day
Cuz Rudolph et. al are running out of gas
hauling Santa’s growing ass
* * *
Merry Christmas to all who indulge and bulge!
from judy and Freddie Parker Westerfield
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET
Why Santa never gets caught
https://doodlewash.com/2016/12/22/how-do-reindeer-fly/
Doodlewash is a blog I follow – both for Charlie O’s great water-colors but even more for his wonderful stories and descriptions about each drawing.
Today’s Doodlewash post inspired my pome.
Pome by judy
No one catches Santa on the roof
or in the snow sees prints
of tiny reindeer hoof
for Santa’s no bigger than a fly
and reindeer all the size of ants
ferry him through the Christmas sky
I don’t think it silly at all
to imagine reindeer quite so small
and know
how Santa slides down chimney flues
with nary much soot on his beard or shoes
So make your cookies the size of peas
and leave the milk in a thimble please
Limit the weight of gifts and such
to crush an ant
it doesn’t take much
* * *
To read Charlie O’s inspiring story click here:
How Do Reindeer Fly?
21 ways to keep your sanity for the holidays
Only 15 days till Chanukah! 15 days till Christmas! 22 days till New Year’s! Time for my yearly reminder on how to keep sane.
Christmas:
- Instead of buying a tree watch your friends decorate (and take down) theirs
- Convert to Judaism
- Sit in the lobby of a 5-star hotel and enjoy EXPENSIVE decorations.
- ADOPT a pig, instead of eating one.
- Make dinner potluck, you supply the paper plates and plastic cutlery
- Christmas dinner – Start with dessert and forget the rest.
- Sit on the beach in Bali
.
8. Go to bed on the 23rd and get up on January 3rd.*
9. Only buy presents for Jesus.
10. Put a cover on the outside chimney opening so you don’t have to put out cookies and milk.
Chanukah:
11. Watch your friends decorate (and take down) their Christmas tree.
12. Convert.
13. Stay in a 5-star hotel for 8 days and nights.
14. Use credit cards instead of gelt
15. Instead of gambling with a dreidle at home go to Vegas
16. Don’t give presents, do good deeds
17. Go to bed on Thanksgiving and wake up on New Years**
18. Bake potatoes instead of grating them to death
19. Eat macaroons with Ben & Jerry
New Years:
20. *Remember! Stay in bed until the 3rd, unless you’re Jewish.
21. **If you are Jewish, go back to bed.
Peace on Earth & Sanity to all my Friends!
A Frankly Freddie Thanksgiving
Dear Human Beings,
Time for my ANNUAL Thanksgiving ‘Ode To Tom’ and tell you what I’m thankful for:
- I’m thankful that I was not born in a country where they eat dogs.
- I’m thankful you are all my best friends!
- I’m thankful for all the treats I get even if I don’t get as many as I deserve
- I’m thankful I am soft and fluffy so people want to pet me
-
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Poet Laureate
A Turkey’s Tale
by Freddie Parker Westerfield
A turkey named Tom lived on a farm
His story is such, so they say
Waking at dawn
he’d peck at the lawn,
searching for bugs,
nibbling on slugs
of which he was particularly fond.
Then on Thanksgiving day
Gobbledy gobbledy gone!
So if YOU took Tom from off his farm
in the middle of the night
please give him due thanks
for gracing your table. (It’s fitting and only right).
And for all the bugs and many slugs
which make him an organic delight
P.S. I was told to tell you that my Human-being wishes you all things to be grateful for in your life, like she’s grateful for me.
My BEST FRIEND Shari sent me this picture. I think she might be a Turkeytarian . . .
Shower yourself with doodle art
This is one hot shower!
Frankly Freddie (parenthetically speaking)
Dear Human Beings,
Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, believe everything you read. This article is a case in point:
New research shows why dogs don’t like hugs.
“PET owners beware — new research has revealed that dogs don’t like hugs from their owners, which can make them (the owners?) more stressed out.”
“According to new research published in Psychology Today, Stanley Coren from the University of British Columbia, said dogs respond differently to humans who seek comfort from hugging others.”
“Coren, who studies canine behaviour, analysed a random sample of 250 pictures of humans hugging their dogs that he could find online through Flickr and a Google image search.” (skewed data – he left out Pintrest and Instagram where the animal pictures are more photogenic)
“In using photos where the dog’s face was easily seen, he looked whether the dog appeared to be anxious or distressed, relaxed, or showed a neutral response to being hugged.”
“He found that around 82 per cent of the photographs showed “unhappy dogs” receiving hugs from their owners or children.”
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author
He said that dogs show signs of distress when they bare their teeth (called a smile when humans do it), turn their heads away from something ( just being bored and looking around), or they partially close their eyes (doesn’t everyone close their eyes when ecstatic?).
Another sign of anxiety is when a dog’s ears are lowered or “slicked against the side of his head”. (Stanley, it’s just our coiffure)
He also said that licking lips or licking a person’s face can also be a sign of anxiety, like yawning or raising a paw. (I lick when it’s tasty)
Coren said the fact that dogs don’t like being hugged can be explained by their behavioural nature.
As “cursorial animals”, (cursorial? I swear I never curse) they are designed for swift running. When stressed, a dog’s first instinct is to run away.
It is believed that when they are restricted from moving with a hug, it can increase a dog’s stress level and potentially cause them to bite their owners. (or bite researchers)
It’s not the hugs that stressed the dogs out it was having their pictures taken WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT to be displayed for all the world to see.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Blogger
So hug away you human-beings and always follow-up with a treat for us dogs (you got your treat with the hug)
Frankly yours,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET, CDB
Canine Dog Therapist, Retired and Certified Dog Blogger
CURIOUS to the MAX 