Category Psychology

May 9 2019

Happiness Hacks: Touch much

“Happiness Hacks”  are quick and easy ways, based on scientific research, to lift your mood. We are compiling them into a book, but want to share them here with you.

I’m a hugger.  I admit it.  It’s almost a reflex when I see someone I like or admire.

In the 1970’s I taught 3rd grade.  It was common for some students to run up, throw their arms around my waist and give me a big hug.  We teachers would always hug back.  When a student got hurt or was in distress a hug was automatic.  Our cultural climate has changed and teachers are no longer suppose to touch, much less hug, students.  Our cultural climate is continuing to change and unwanted, unwarranted “hugs” are rightly being brought out into the open and condemned.

So I share this information from the work of Alex Korb, UCLA neuroscientist author of The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time  with the acknowledgement that we should only be touching others who want to be touched.

“Got someone to hug? Go for it. Alex Korb,  says ‘A hug, especially a long one, releases a neurotransmitter and hormone oxytocin, which reduces the reactivity of the amygdala.”‘

“Hand holding, pats on the back, and handshakes work, too. Korb cites a study in which subjects whose hands were held by their partners experienced a reduced level of anxiety while waiting for an expected electrical shock from researchers. “The brain showed reduced activation in both the anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex — that is, less activity in the pain and worrying circuits.”’

And if you have no one handy to touch, guess what? Massage has also been shown to be an effective way to get your oxytocin flowing, and it reduces stress hormones and increases your dopamine levels. Win win.

Mousey Masseuse by Peggy

The value of touching shouldn’t be overlooked when you’re down. According to Korb:

“In fact, as demonstrated in an fMRI [functional magnetic imaging] experiment, social exclusion activates the same circuitry as physical pain . . .”

The next time you see me HUG AWAY!

(jw)

Apr 18 2019

Judy’s “Psycho-Logical” Mind – How to live in the present moment

I always smile when people tell me they want to figure out how to live in the present moment.  My response is – it’s impossible not to live in the present moment, the present is all there is . . . this very nano-second in time.   

Full Disclosure

I’m simultaneously blessed and cursed.  I remember very little of my past (including yesterday) and have difficulty thinking about the future. I have to concentrate to plan ahead, only have goals if they have been imposed and my sense of time is . . . if it weren’t for the sun or the clock I’d have no sense of time . . .

My brain doesn’t “think” whole thoughts but rather gathers impressions, patterns, concepts.  When whole thoughts, words, come out of my mouth (or the computer keyboard) it’s the first time I’ve heard them.

It’s not that I practice living in the present moment . . . it’s simply how my brain is hard-wired.  If your brain is similarly hard-wired you know exactly what I’m talking about.  If your brain is wired differently you may be goal-oriented, remember details about your childhood, even be prone to anxiety and stymied about what I’m trying to describe.

Why it’s called “peace of MIND”

It’s our THINKING that focuses on the past or the future.  The measure of our peace of MIND is determined by how much we are able to focus our thinking in the present.

That’s largely why meditation, reading, sewing, exercise, painting . . . doing anything that captures your attention as you experience it creates the “flow” where past and future are not in your thoughts.

 Every time we think “should have”, “could have”, or “would have” we are THINKING about past experience. Every time we become anxious or fearful we are THINKING about a future, which may or may not happen. 

Maybe your reaction is . . .  that doesn’t make sense, for someone who spent decades as a psychotherapist analyzing, dissecting, bisecting life’s experiences, expectations and beliefs.   

“One hours reflection is worth 70 years of pious worship”

Because we are a composite of all our past choices and experiences, thinking, reflecting on the past is important IF our focus is to learn and grow.  Reflection about our past or future, without learning, is not usually helpful when we stay stuck in  “shoulds”, “coulds”, “woulds” or “what if’s”.

Irrespective of what happened yesterday or last year and what may or may not happen tomorrow, the present moment is all you have, however, your brain is wired. 

Reflect on that.

Apr 11 2019

Happiness Hacks: The Write Way

“Happiness Hacks”  are quick and easy ways, based on scientific research, to lift your mood. We are compiling them into a book, but want to share them here with you.

“In the 1970s, a professor of psychology named James W. Pennebaker began experimenting with the effects that talking, confessing and self-understanding had on human well-being. Nearly 30 years later, he and his collaborator, Joshua M. Smyth, a professor of behavioral health and medicine, produced a body of research that found the emotionally connective and relieving effects of expressive writing to promote self-understanding, ease emotional pain and aid in physical healing.[viii] Since their book, Opening Up by Writing It Down, was published in 1997, their findings have been corroborated by other scientists’ independent studies around the world.”

The 2016 edition of their book explains that expressive writing:

•  Offers those who either don’t wish to talk about their feelings or have no one to confide in a way to unburden themselves

•  Reduces stress, fear and isolation

•  Boosts immune systems, optimism and sense of connectedness

•  Allows minds to process, organize and understand their experiences and feelings, enhancing learning and memory

“When expressing themselves in writing, people often report that they feel safe. They are actually creating an artifact—one that symbolizes some of their thoughts and feelings but is not them. With that safety, people often find they can put things down on the page that are often hard to speak about, and explore the deeper truths that we all carry with us.”

“The writing itself is a “made thing”—something with weight and substance. Therefore, it has a place in the world and you become identified with that creative construction. For many people, this gives them a way to bootstrap out of negativity and to start to identify themselves in a powerful and positive way.”

http://www.howlifeunfolds.com/stronger-connections/expressive-writing-a-path-forward-for-your-health

Mar 28 2019

Happiness Hacks: Sing

“Happiness Hacks”  are quick and easy ways, based on scientific research, to lift your mood. We are compiling them into a book, but want to share them here with you.

In second grade we stood at our desk and sang. EVERY DAY.  The teacher traveled the room, bending down to intently listen to each child.  Those who were out of tune she tapped on the head to sit down.  There were two of us who always got tapped.
 
From third grade on  I silently mouthed the words anytime, anywhere there was singing, terrified someone would hear me.   

Now the science is in. Singing is really good for you and the most recent research suggests that group singing is the most exhilarating and transformative of all.

Creating music together evolved as a tool of social living. Groups and tribes sang and danced together to build loyalty, transmit vital information and ward off enemies.  (Since I still can’t carry a tune I figure all my enemies have long ago been warded off.)

Caterwauling beautiful music by Peggy

“What has not been understood until recently is that singing in groups triggers the communal release of serotonin and oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and even synchronises our heart beats.”

“Singing helps people with depression and reduces feelings of loneliness, leaving people feeling relaxed, happy and connected. What’s more, the benefits of singing regularly are cumulative. People who sing have reduced levels of cortisol, indicating lower stress.” (The research must have been done on people who could carry a tune.  My cortisol levels still go up when singing)

Now the good news (for me) . . . 

One of the great things about singing is that you can receive the wellbeing benefits even if you aren’t any good. One study showed that:

“Group singing can produce satisfying and therapeutic sensations even when the sound produced by the vocal instrument is of mediocre quality.”

“The current research into the neuroscience of singing shows that when we sing our neurotransmitters connect in new and different ways. It fires up the right temporal lobe of our brain, releasing endorphins that make us smarter, healthier, happier and more creative. When we sing with other people this effect is amplified.”

I still can’t carry a tune but at least no one . . . so far . . . has tapped me on the head since second grade.

(jw)

Read the entire article:  The Neuroscience of Singing

Feb 21 2019

Happiness Hack: Maui Had a Ball-You Can, Too

“Happiness Hacks”  are quick and easy ways, based on scientific research, to lift your mood. We are compiling them into a book, but want to share them here with you.

“Maui’s Mini Tail”

Maui had a yellow ball.

Maui loved to chase a small yellow ball around the house. He would grab it with his paws and throw it up in the air, or bat it across the floor!  He loved  playing with the yellow ball, constantly chasing it around the house and batting it across the room.

I should have learned a thing about feeling good from Maui but it took a book to teach me what Maui knew.

Peggy had a beach ball

When I was working with patients with major mental health problems (Schizophrenia, severe depression, manic depression), I read The Biopsychology of Mood & Arousal by Richard Thayer. I was surprised to learn that if you do a brisk activity for only 10 min, your mood goes up and stays up for 4 hours. It sounded almost too easy.  I found  a beach ball to put it to the test.

At the beginning of the next patient’s group therapy session I  asked everyone to rate their current mood on a scale of 1 to 10. One = horrible/awful/terrible/bad. Ten = wonderful/elated/ joyful/good.

I tossed the beach ball in the air and everyone joined in batting the ball to each other.  Sometimes we missed, sometimes we got hit in the head, but everyone swung at the ball, waved their hands around and had a little exercise.   AFTER 10 MINUTES we stopped and rated mood again.

Take a look at the chart below showing how each patient rated their mood at the beginning of the session, in blue, and where each patient rated their mood after tossing the ball for 10 minutes,  in green.

fullsizerender

Would the mood elevation last? After 3 1/2 hours, everyone rated their mood again.  All moods were still up with one exception. It had worked making my own mood elevated.

The chart below shows each patients mood before the ball toss started,  in blue, and where each patient rated their mood after 3 1/2 hours, in purple.

hourslaterchartThe average improvement in mood was 30%! In TEN MINUTES.

Of course, negative events can bring mood down again. (as happened to the one patient – letter i – in the group) but this is one of my favorite “tricks” to stay happy.

Maui always knew . . .  playing ball is good for you.

THE SCIENCE 

In his 1989 book The Biopsychology of Mood and Arousal, Robert E. Thayer discusses how 10 minutes of brisk exercise improves mood for four hours.  He describes how each of us has a daily biorhythm of ups and downs in energy (There’s a chart in the book on how to  figure out your own biorhythm).

Exercise is shown to boost endorphins and the neurotransmitter norepinephrine both of which improve mood.

Not only does exercise grow your muscles, it also grows neurons in your brain. Such neuron growth is associated with improved mood.  Research shows:

Regular exercise can relieve depression just as well as medication over a 4 month period, and even better after 6 months.

I personally use this concept to get and keep my own  mood up.  Ten minutes of activity is a cheap price for creating 4 hours of feeling good (or at the very least, feeling ok).

(Peggy)

How do you elevate your mood?  Let us know in the comments.

Click here for Time article It’s All in the Nerves: How to Really Treat Depression by Maia Szalavitz

 

Jan 3 2019

Happiness Hack: Today’s Good Happenings

We’re excited to let you know that we are compiling all the Happiness Hacks we’ve posted. This one was on Catnip as:

“Research shows you will be happier for 3 months – Music to my ears”

I played violin in the high school orchestra. It was enjoyable and got me out of physical education class. Practicing was another matter.  Practicing the violin was excruciating for me. It was solely focused on doing weird, complicated, boring scales over and over and over . . . no melody, NO FUN.   I would set a timer for 1 hour: polish my violin for 10 minutes; resin the bow for 5; tune the strings for 15 and; laboriously do scales for the rest of the time. I did get better.

If only I had known that I could have practiced being in a good mood while I was practicing scales.

Yup, research now shows the more you practice being in a good mood the better you get at keeping a good mood.

Our brains seek out familiar patterns. The more we consciously focus on positive thoughts the easier it is for our brain to access those thoughts and find positive patterns in other areas.  (Of course, there is a corollary  – focus on the negative and your brain will look for more negative connections).  So the more you think about the positive things in your life, the easier it is to think of good things in your life. 

Start at any time.  Like now. Think about something “positive/good” . . . a time you had fun or laughed at a joke or a childhood celebration.  It doesn’t even have to be about you or your life . . .  something “positive” you’ve witnessed, read about or even imagined.  Share it with someone and notice feeling happier.

The more you practice the easier it will be for your brain to access the positive and lift your mood.  

Here’s an easy practice session.

   Maui Practicing, not judy, by Peggy

Pawsitive Exercise

Each day for a week, at the end of the day, write down 3 good or positive things that have happened to you that day and why they happened. 

They can be:

  • BIG things (became a grandma, bought a Maserati, won the lottery)
  • Small things (took a nice shower, ate breakfast, paid the water bill on time).
  • The same things repeated each day or different things/events listed.

When you write down why they happened give yourself credit:

  • I won the lottery because I bought a ticket
  • I took a nice hot shower because I paid the water bill on time
  • I became a grandma because I became a mother because I have kept a good relationship with my daughter because I called her and had a positive conversation.

You don’t need a fancy journal –

a notebook, post-it-notes, napkins will work.

Just do this for one week.

Research shows you will be happier for 3 months!

My violin “practice” list would have looked like this:

  • I managed to get through another violin practice session without dying of boredom.
  • I played in tune, 75% of the time
  • I polished my violin and it’s shiny.

(jw)

Reference:  Seligman, M. P., Steen, T. A., Park, N., & Peterson, C. (2005). Positive Psychology Progress. American Psychologist, 60(5), 410-421. doi:10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410

Nov 17 2018

A Happiness Hack – Splish Splash

Each month we post “Happiness Hacks”. They are quick and easy ways, based on scientific research, to lift your mood.

We are compiling them into a book, but want to share them here with you.

img_0002_2

I love waterfalls!  

One of my favorite places to go is the Columbia River Gorge, an area with the highest concentration of waterfalls in North America.  There are over 90!  I love it there and I will hike uphill for miles to see the waterfalls.

All my life I’ve loved the rain, going to the beach, having a water fountain in my yard, and taking showers. They all make me happy. Now I know why – negative ions.

Negative ions are produced by falling water and create changes in our levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that relieves stress, increases energy and reduces depression

“Negative ions increase the flow of oxygen to the brain; resulting in higher alertness, decreased drowsiness, and more mental energy.” 

WebMD. Pierce J. Howard, PhD

The WebMD article goes on to say “The air circulating in the mountains and the beach is said to contain tens of thousands of negative ions — Much more than the average home or office building, which contain dozens or hundreds, and many register a flat zero.”

Want to get negative ions?

  • Take a walk by a river or stream.
  • Walk in the rain.
  • Go to the beach.
  • Run in the sprinklers.
  • Have a water fight in a pool.
  • Hike to a waterfall.
  • Sit by a fountain.
  • Buy a negative ion generator for your home.
  • Or . . .  just take a shower.

(I didn’t list “wash dishes by hand” or “scrub the floor on your knees” because I believe adding detergent to water MIGHT create positive ions which we all know are not mood elevators . . .)

(PA)

References:

“Negative Ions Create Positive Vibes” By Denise Mann, WebMD, June 2, 2003.
The Owners Manual for the Brain: Everyday Applications from Mind Brain, by Pierce J. Howard, PhD
Biopsychology of Mood and Arousal, by Robert E. Thayer,

 

Aug 15 2018

I remember I don’t remember being hung-over

I have little, VERY little, memories of my childhood or adolescence – or adulthood for that matter.  It concerned me when a therapist colleague said “not remembering” was an indication of repressed memory probably of horrible childhood trauma.  Ai yiiii yiiiiii.  Maybe I was beaten, or worse, and all these years believing I had nice parents.

I told a psychiatrist friend about my memory “affliction”thinking he would suggest decades of psycho-analysis at best and in-patient treatment at worst.  He looked passively at me and without the slightest hesitation said, “All that indicates is your childhood was boring.”

This is one of my aha moments that I DO remember and spurred me to investigate the neuro-biology of emotion.  What does that have to do with hang-over?  Read on!

Hung Over by Peggy

Excerpts from:

You already know without a doubt that most of your memories are ones that were highly emotional experiences.

“Emotional experiences can induce physiological and internal brain states that persist for long periods of time after the emotional events have ended, a team of New York University scientists has found. This study, which appears in the journal Nature Neuroscience,also shows that this emotional “hangover” influences how we attend to and remember future experiences.”

“How we remember events is not just a consequence of the external world we experience, but is also strongly influenced by our internal states–and these internal states can persist and color future experiences,”explains Lila Davachi, an associate professor in NYU’s Department of Psychology and Center for Neural Science and senior author of the study.”

“‘Emotion’ is a state of mind, . . . findings make clear that our cognition is highly influenced by preceding experiences and, specifically, that emotional brain states can persist for long periods of time.”’

” . . . data showed that the brain states associated with emotional experiences carried over for 20 to 30 minutes and influenced the way the subjects processed and remembered future experiences that are not emotional.”

“We see that memory for non-emotional experiences is better if they are encountered after an emotional event,” observes Davachi.

I’m so relieved!  Not only wasn’t I beaten . . . or worse . . .  the biggest hang-over I’ve experienced was the result of my exceptionally boring life.

(jw)

Initially posted on CATNIPblog.com

*To read the entire article, who the authors are and the research behind it click HERE.

May 11 2018

Who knew I’d be a “national symbol”?

I’ve written many posts about my history of fibromyalgia, just not recently.  

My “foot episode” has caused a bit of a fiber flare-up, just in time for National Fibromyalgia/ME Chronic Fatigue day on May 12th.  

Here’s my story and I’m sticking to it:

In 1995 I contracted an invisible “illness”.  Out of nowhere I experienced excruciating burning pain in my hands, arms and legs followed  by years of gastrointestinal, cardiological, dermatological and emotional symptoms.  At the onset I was also in peri-menopause and experiencing mood swings, wildly, uncontrollably ric-o-shaying swings between happy to annoyed – which I’m minimizing for public consumption.

Back then fibromyalgia was not recognized by the medical community as a “real” ailment. Doctors considered it to be a syndrome: Unexplainable, unverifiable and psychosomatic. It was a Hysterical Middle Aged Woman’s Syndrome, as doctor after doctor told me. based on test, after expensive test coming back negative.  I was told nothing was wrong with me and to go home and “Get a life”.DSCN1413

Forever imprinted in my memory is an appointment with the chief of neurology at one of Los Angeles’ major medical schools (the doctor and medical center shall remain nameless because this is a true story)  He reviewed the test findings, looked at me knowingly – as if we shared a secret – and said, “You’re a psychotherapist. You know about psychological issues”.  He leaned forward, compassionately touching me on the knee and winked,  “Go home, live a good life and take up a hobby like kick-boxing.”  The only reason I winked back was to blink away the tears that were threatening to disrupt the façade that I wasn’t a hysterical middle-aged woman.

DSCN1414

I searched for anyone – gynecologists, gastroenterologists, cardiologists, neurologists, rheumatologists, environmental specialists, acupuncturists, immunologists, chiropractors – to name to what I had, to give what was invisible to everyone but myself a label other than HYPOCHONDRIAC.  I looked fine, acted fine, and thousands of dollars of medical tests came back negative.  All I took away from the 100’s of doctor’s visits was a stack of psychiatrist’s cards doctors handed to me on the way out of their office.

After years of  pain, escalating exhaustion, depression, countless doctors and tests I did qualify, on all counts, as a hysterical middle-aged woman .

Well over a decade later fibromyalgia was recognized by the medical community as “real”.  Current research indicates it might be a neuro-inflammatory/auto-immune disease impacting the  central nervous system.  No one knows for certain and there is no current cure.  

I’m no longer middle-aged or hysterical.  

But the doctors were right – it is, all in my head.

 Check out Carolyn Thomas’ My Heart Sisters –“You look great!” – and other things you should never say to heart patients and lots of other great posts about invisible illness.

  • Why, when you tell someone who is ill that they look good, they’re offended?
  • Practical ways you can encourage someone who is ill.

May 12th has been designated as International Awareness Day for Chronic Immunological and Neurological Diseases (CIND). The CIND illnesses include Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), Fibromyalgia (FM), Gulf War Syndrome (GWS) and Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS).

May 12th was chosen as it is the birthday of Florence Nightingale. She was believed to have suffered from ME/CFS.

This is National Invisible Illness Awareness Week

P.S.  There are hundreds of millions of people with “Invisible Illness” in this world.  Click above to  read more information.  

May 6 2018

Fractured head to toe, day 10

Judy judy in a chair

TV blaring, messy hair

Foot throbbing, rumbled clothes 

bleary eyes, throbbing toes

Judy judy bored bored

slowly going out’a her gourd

Judy by judy

 

May 3 2018

Write On! How to Empty your brain to reduce stress

Non-stop writing, stream of consciousness, free writing . . . it doesn’t matter what you call it – it can change your brain, change your day, change your relationships, change your life.

I’m not being overly dramatic as there is a body of research which shows that simply putting pen to paper changes your brain.

Easy Peasy Writing How-to

Write on! by Peggy

Choose a focus – a situation, feeling, thought and create a “topic Sentence”  If you can’t think of a specific begin with “Right this moment I am thinking . . . ” or “I am feeling . . .” or ” “I can’t think of anything . . . “

It can be anything in the past, the present or the future.

  • Use a pen that writes smoothly and comfortable to your hand.  Don’t use a keyboard since the act of writing with your hand is important.  Your small muscle movement is expressive (much like artistic expression, your handwriting is unique to you.  It doesn’t matter if it’s legible or beautiful as the movement registers with your brain in ways that tapping out letters on a keyboard do not).
  • Set a timer for approximately 20 minutes.  It takes that long for your unconscious brain to push through your logical thinking processes.
  • Use a journal, a piece of paper, a brown bag – it doesn’t matter.
  • Start with your “topic sentence”, thought, feeling . . . just start. 
  • Write continuously for 20 minutes, never letting the pen stop.  If your mind goes blank simply makes loop-d-loops with the pen until you have words to put down. Write quickly, spontaneously, intuitively.  It doesn’t matter what you write just put down on paper where your mind takes you.
  • Do not be concerned about spelling, punctuation or grammar.
  • Do not be concerned if it doesn’t make sense.

Read  research How Writing About Past Failures May Help You Succeed In The Present,  click here

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Apr 21 2018

Spring has Sprung and so have I

Since retiring, my to-do list: clean out clothes closets, clean out the garage, the cupboards, replant the garden, paint the living room AND get rid of STUFF.  So far I’ve done very little un-stuffing. 

judy’s Cluttered Closet by Peggy

I just edited a research post on CATNIPblog and I’m relieved to know I can blame my brain which is scientifically on hiatus. 

Here’s a section I edited out on CATNIP trying to symplify the post.  Couldn’t bear to throw it away and lose it though . . .

“Why do we allow clutter to accumulate? . . .  it’s because we don’t want to make decisions about throwing things out. We think we might need that item someday. Blame the psychological effect called loss aversion. Humans are averse to losses. Our brain says, “If we get rid of it, then we’ve lost it.”’

“Can the process of removing physical clutter help us release negative emotional attachments in our lives? O’Reilly says there is a basic, intrinsic pleasure in increasing order.”

“O’Reilly has found that people will organize things as a way to relax and pass the time. An example he finds noteworthy is walking down the aisle of an airplane and observing people playing solitaire on their laptops.”

“They’re sorting fake, digital cards on a laptop,” he said. “Why? I can’t think of a more meaningless activity—sorting stacks of cards that aren’t even real cards. And yet we love to do it, because it’s satisfying to put things in their place.”

Read the full research, click here:

Daunted by “spring” cleaning? Blame your brain

 

 

 

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Mar 24 2018

Sneek a Peek at my sketchy life – Humbly Yours

In my teen years it was not “cool” to admit you did anything well, much less brag. You were suppose to be humble.  It seems times have not changed.  When I admire someone’s drawing in art class the usual response is to point out why it’s not very good and point out all the mistakes they made.  Is this humility?

We all are probably our own worst critics but I was wondering where the origins of this denying of our accomplishments comes from.   There are many students in class who have immigrated from other countries – Germany, China, Latvia, Vietnam, Korea – and at first I chalked it up to cultural norms.  However, the students native to the United States downplay or outright devalue their accomplishments too.

Is this false humility? Inability to celebrate our accomplishments?  Embarrassment?  

Charcoal, green pencil, water-color pencil – 15 – 20 minute sketches

Having posted my journey in life drawing classes  I can see where it’s not working and I can see my progress.  So I try to squelch my own inclination to negate a compliment and just say thank you.

Do you have trouble receiving a compliment?  . . . and why?

 

Mar 21 2018

Incredible – WATCH

I have no words – which happens, as you know, infrequently.  It is so worth taking 40 minutes of your time to watch, listen and admire this remarkable film,  remarkable woman and creative expression at its most powerful

WORTH WATCHING

Watch: Oscar Nominee ‘Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405’ Short Film

by 
February 5, 2018
Source: YouTube

Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405 Short Film

“One of the categories that gets very little attention at the Academy Awards is Best Documentary Short, usually featuring an impressive selection of international short films that are not always easy to watch. One of the films nominated as a Best Documentary Short from 2017 is one called Heaven is a Traffic Jam on the 405, directed by Frank Stiefel. If you live in Los Angeles, you know the 405 is one of the worst highways to drive and almost always has traffic. The film examines the life of LA-based artist Mindy Alper, who has struggled her entire life with mental disorders and depression, even though she produces remarkably deep, honest work. This short runs 40 minutes, but it’s worth a watch to get an inspiring look inside the mind of a tortured artist. You can find out more about Alper on the film’s official site after you’ve watched this. Enjoy.”

Thanks you Becky Grant for sending this to me.

Becky Grant
Re/Max Property Connection
BRE# 01880297
Feb 11 2018

Sneak a Peek into My Sketchy – Life’s Not Always Black & White

As a psychotherapist I knew that one of the biggest pitfalls of all relationships* was  “seeing” others through the clouded lens of our own eyes.  We humans tend to think everyone feels as we do and should understand what we know.  It’s hard to take someone else’s position because we live in the bubble of our unique experiences and interpretations.  In psychological terms it’s called projection.  I was surprised to see this phenomena in artwork.

During the breaks in life drawing I noticed that many (not all) drew the model in “their own image”:  Short students tended to draw the models legs too short; stocky students drew her a bit too stocky and; muscular students created muscular images.

Although all art, whether dancing, singing, painting etc. is  ultimately a “projection” of the artist I’m wondering if what sets apart renowned artists from amateurs is a true reflection of the artist rather than an “accurate” rendition of the subject?

Charcoal, 20 minute sketch

Conte Crayon, 20 minute sketch

DSCN7226

Each sketch, 20 minutes

To read about the pitfalls of relationships click here:  

*6 Factors that Can Predict Divorce or Separation 

Mervin the Mole Rat sez: “Her art is a projection of wishful thinking . . .”

Feb 4 2018

Sneak a Peek into my Sketchy Life – The Art of Perspective

The challenge I had as a therapist  (not to mention as a human being) was to look beyond surface presentations, what I “thought” I knew and see my client’s situation/feelings/thinking not only from their perspective but within a larger framework.

Being a therapist was a gift.  It forever helped me understand that perception always informs and colors my experiences, to look for larger patterns and see beyond what appears “obvious”.  Most of the time I can see blessings behind every tragedy, and opportunities created with every mistake & mis-step.

Drawing, too, is about perspective.  This session the class was so crowded  I had to sit closer to the model stand than usual.  It forced me to draw what my eye actually saw rather than what I thought I saw.  For example, In the first drawing the foot (or my outline of the foot) is as long as his head – simply because his foot was closer to me.  

Bet you can tell what was eye-level to me in this next drawing!

This last sketch was a 2 minute quick warm-up which always begins the drawing sessions to help our hands loosen up and draw what our eyes actually see not what our brains think we see.

The art of perspective is not limited to art.

Nov 23 2017

FAITHfully Yours on this day of giving Thanks

“Shed the light of a boundless love on every human being whom you meet, whether of your country, your race, your political party, or of any other nation, colour or shade of political opinion. Heaven will support you while you work in this in-gathering of the scattered peoples of the world beneath the shadow of the almighty tent of unity.”

Baha’u’llah, The Baha’i World Faith,

“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.” 

The Dalai Lama

“But now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

 1 Corinthians 13:13

Sending all of you much love,

judy

During the month of November, Baha’i Blogging is hosting a post-a-day-or-so something related to or inspired by Faith.  Because so many of you follow both this blog and CATNIPblog Peggy & I will post our “dailies” here and Sunday “retrospectives” on CATNIPblog.com

The hashtag is #bahaiblogging.

Nov 5 2017

Have a Heart, Give a Gift

Heart disease, not cancer, is the #1 killer of women.  I learned that and other invaluable information on Carolyn Thomas’ My Heart Sisters blog.

Over the years I’ve “stolen” and reposted many a wonderful post from Carolyn Thomas.  Her blog, Heart Sisters, has been one of the few I’ve followed for years.  I have forgotten what led me to her blog but once I read both her compelling stories and the up-to-date information on  women’s health, in particular heart disease, I was a Carolyn-groupie.  

Apparently Johns Hopkins was a groupie too when they asked her to write a book on Living with Heart Disease.  My guess is that her down-to-earth writing coupled with up-to-date research and information appealed to Johns Hopkins as much as it did to me.

Here’s just a sample of info found on Carolyn’s blog:

“Did you know: Women generally fare far worse than men after experiencing a cardiac event? One possible reason is that it can be confusing to make sense of warning symptoms when they do hit. Women are also less likely than our male counterparts to seek immediate help at the first sign of cardiac symptoms. Instead, we end up:”

  • toughing them out
  • waiting to see if they go away
  • blaming them on stress, muscle soreness, indigestion or other less serious non-cardiac causes

Read 12 cardiac symptoms women must never ignore

I can’t say enough good things about Carolyn – you’ll have to read her book and her blog to see for yourself what fabulous advocacy and education Carolyn has provided since her own “widow-maker” heart attack. (Full disclosure:  we are not related, I’ve never met her in person, and I don’t get a kick-back!)

Buy a copy and give the gift of life to a woman you love . . . maybe it’s even yourself

Save 20% when you use the code HTWN when you pre-order the book from Johns Hopkins

Order your copy click here:  Johns Hopkins University Press 

Johns Hopkins University Press is the publisher and here’s a fraction of what has been said about Carolyn’s Book:

“[A Woman’s Guide to Living with Heart Disease] gives women the knowledge they need to become their own advocates in a health care system that continues to be weighted against them.”

— Foreword Reviews

“This book brings a needed focus to a leading killer of women today and is a must-read for women and their loved ones.”

— Library Journal

“If you are a woman, or love a woman, this is a book for you! Cardiovascular disease is the leading killer of women. Here is a book focused on women’s cardiovascular health. It is all here—prevention, diagnosis, and treatment. Read it for the people you love.”

— Edward K. Kasper, MD, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, coauthor of Living Well With Heart Failure: The Misnamed, Misunderstood Condition

“This work is an important contribution to the discussion about heart attack and misdiagnosis in women. Thomas’s personal story—alongside the stories of millions of other women—provides a needed reminder of recognizing one’s symptoms, avoiding denial, and seeking medical attention. This elegant book is a unique addition to women’s health books and a necessary read for women and the people who care about them.”

— Roger S. Blumenthal, MD, Director, The Johns Hopkins Ciccarone Center for the Prevention of Heart Disease

Thank you Carolyn for pushing through your own symptoms to write a book of this magnitude.  

 

Nov 29 2016

My Sketchy Life – why the nude still shocks

If you are an art buff or interested in the psychology of nudes read this article Why The Nude Still Shocks.  Not only is it interesting it underscores my past reluctance to put up the sketches of men as opposed to women. (see Equal Opportunity Nudes)

The model this week was male but he was wearing this warrior “get-up” that the men in the class seemed to enjoy drawing , . .  must be a testosterone “thing”.  I say “TAKE IT OFF!”

Water-color pencil

Water-color pencil

dscn6780

Mar 18 2016

Children’s art – the invisible made visible

“Syrian kids who passed through Milan’s Central Station last year did something very Italian: create artwork. While they waited for trains to take them to northern Europe, Save the Children offered them a chance to draw. They could depict whatever they wanted, says psychologist Vittoria Ardino, president of the Italian Society for the Study of Traumatic Stress, who analyzed 500 of these images.”

Scroll down to last drawing to read one of Ardino’s reflections on the drawings.

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“Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries. 
Without them, humanity cannot survive.”

H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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“God has created the world as one—the boundaries are marked out by man.”

‘Abdu’l-Baha, The Baha’i World Faith

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“I appeal to you, brothers, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and the same judgment.”

1 Corinthians 1:10

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“However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you

If you do not act on upon them?”

Buddha

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Here’s one of  Vittoria Ardino’s reflections on these drawings:

“There’s so much happening on this piece of paper — which is maybe a reflection of the child’s chaotic inner world, Ardino says. A flying creature is part butterfly, a common symbol of freedom. But it’s also part gun. A plane dropping bombs is covered by a face that’s half-human and half-fish (or actually, a big fish devouring a smaller one). A flower droops over a series of squiggles, which Ardino believes represent human bodies. All of that points to a child feeling powerless — but “trying desperately to find light,” Ardino adds. The face is surrounded by sun, and an oversized ladder or staircase leads away from the houses. Ardino suggests this is the child’s attempt at answering a critical question: “How can I escape?”‘

Click here to read Ardino’s reflections on all 7 drawings.

 

Aug 30 2015

“I don’t want to talk about it”

I should go out in the garden and eat worms.  I’m exhausted.  I hurt all over.   It’s hard not to have self-pity.   I TRY to limit my public and private kvetching because I know it doesn’t help . . . me or you.  There’s scientific basis for the harm we do to ourselves when we talk about trauma – any kind of trauma. 

Acrylic on Canvas, by moi

Acrylic on Canvas, by moi

 If you or anyone you know has a “story of pain” (physical, psychological, social, economic etc) read Carolyn Thomas’ My Heart Sisters excellent post.  Here’s a teeny taste:

Rehashing a traumatic story/event does some of the following:

  • puts our system on high alert
  • triggers inflammation
  • triggers the fight/flight response
  • triggers shutdown mode

On the flip side Carolyn talks about the benefits of sharing with close friends:

“Dr. Laura Cousin Klein and her team found that the credit for women’s unique stress reactions may belong to the hormone oxytocin (also known as the “lovehormone”).  It’s the body’s own wonder drug – released when we nurse our babies, for example, as well as during a woman’s stress response. It’s instinctual, it buffers the fight-or-flight response and it encourages us to tend children and gather with other women instead – what’s called our tend-and-befriend response to stress.  This calming response does not occur in men, says Dr. Klein, because testosterone—which men produce in high levels when they’re under stress—seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen, she adds, seems to enhance it.”

Read the entire post “I don’t want to talk about it“- a Judy’s-Must-Read-Blog-Post.

Aug 4 2015

Frankly Freddie, How to Break Your Cell-phone Habit

You can get a collar at your local veterinarian. If you need a canine to get you an appointment I’m available for hire.

unnamed-3

 

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, RET

P.S.  If you have withdrawal symptoms try doggie chews.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Thanks Sharon M.!!!!!!!

Jul 9 2015

Know a Narcissist? Blame their brain

I am fascinated by our newfound ability to study the brain in real-time.  For most of my life the only way the brain was studied was by  autopsy.  

For decades, I’ve explained to clients that “feelings” are not psychological constructs but a neurochemical phenomena. I had no proof – just  trickles of brain research I read. Now that I’m retired the evidence is mounting.  I’d love to be able to say “I told you so!”

hypnotized-people-hallucinate-colors-at-will_44927_600x450-1

In psychological “terms” the proportion of outward behavior is a measure of internal feelings.  Examples:  Do you know some one who is a “control freak”?  Of course you do.

The more someone tries to exert control over everyone and everything it is usually (read “always” – I’m trying to be “politically correct, ahem . . .)  a direct measure they internally/unconsciously feel out of control.  People who “feel” in control don’t have to prove they are in control – they can collaborate, give others credit etc.

Know someone who is a narcissist – the earth revolves around them, not the sun?  Of course you do.

The more a person needs to boast about themselves, point the finger of blame at others etc. . . . the more insecure they are.  Read about some interesting brain research that substantiates this that on a neurological level.

Read more: http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/07/a-neurological-level-narcissists-are-needy.html

I TOLD YOU SO!

Jun 11 2015

Freddie’s Flash Fiction – The Tree

Dear Human-beings and other creatures, Those of you who follow my posts know how frank and fundamentally illuminating they are (not to mention how fantastically informative about the human condition).   This post is no exception as my story The Tree has an important lesson for all to heed.

Here is my first (and possibly only) draft of the story.  Those of you who appreciate and are knowledgable about this genre your “critique” would be appreciated before I am sought out by publishers.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

 Freddie’s Flash Fiction

The Tree

By Freddie Parker Westerfield

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree. (I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old) Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling.  Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground.  The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town.  Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.

One day, after years of being claimed, the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog  who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

The tree, ever alert for impending indignities,  spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching.   Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words.  So it picked up its roots and walked away.

The end of my tail

The End

Frankly & Faithfully yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Canine Dog Therapist RET, Author

Read my last published work: The Real Tail of Little Red Riding Hood

 

May 10 2015

Are You a Highly Sensitive Person? You might have ADRA2b like me.

Goggle “emotional sensitivity” and you’ll find tons (well maybe not tons, but a lot) of articles, books, survival guides on how to overcome “being so sensitive”.   

About 1 in 5  fit the HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) profile.  I currently rate a 12 1/2 out of 16 traits below.  When I was younger it was 16 out of 16.  (Interestingly, artists and therapists seem to fit this profile in larger numbers than the general population . . . hmmm)

Fragile Fleur by judy

Fragile Fleur by judy

It’s baaaaaaaad:  I cry at dog food commercials and can’t tolerate anything that has a hint of violence.

My husband prefers “blow’em up – shoot ’em dead – stab ’em hard” for his watching pleasure.  He reminds me that it’s “not real” as I lock him in his room so I can’t see or hear what he’s watching.  I watch HGTV House Hunters International, preferring my suspense and intrigue to trying to guess which house the couple will buy.

However, rather than label myself as a “Highly Sensitive Person”, I prefer to think of myself as a fragile flower . . . so much more feminine.    

_____________________

Here are 16 HSP traits.  If you want to read more about each click here

  1. They feel more deeply.
  2. They’re more emotionally reactive.
  3. They’re probably used to hearing, “Don’t take things so personally” and “Why are you so sensitive?”
  4. They prefer to exercise solo.
  5. It takes longer for them to make decisions.
  6. They are more upset if they make a “bad” or “wrong” decision.
  7. They notice details.
  8. Not all highly sensitive people are introverts.
  9. They work well in team environments.
  10. They’re more prone to anxiety or depression (but only if they’ve had a lot of past negative experiences).
  11. That annoying sound is probably significantly more annoying to a highly sensitive person.
  12. Violent movies are the worst.
  13. They cry more easily.
  14. They have above-average manners.
  15. The effects of criticism are especially amplified in highly sensitive people.
  16. They prefer solo work environments.

________________________

The good news! I no longer have to read up on how to overcome, minimize, explain or justify my emotional sensitivity because I must have a ADRA2b gene.

(Now I can blame my mother for my sensitivity – aren’t mothers always the ones who get the credit for how we turn out . . .  or the blame?)

Genes might explain differences in how we experience emotions

“Your genes may influence how sensitive you are to emotional information, according to new research by a UBC neuroscientist. The study, recently published in The Journal of Neuroscience, found that carriers of a certain genetic variation perceived positive and negative images more vividly, and had heightened activity in certain brain regions.”

“People really do see the world differently,” says lead author Rebecca Todd, a professor in UBC’s Department of Psychology. “For people with this gene variation, the emotionally relevant things in the world stand out much more.”

“The gene in question is ADRA2b, which influences the neurotransmitter norepinephrine. Previous research by Todd found that carriers of a deletion variant of this gene showed greater attention to negative words. Her latest research is the first to use brain imaging to find out how the gene affects how vividly people perceive the world around them, and the results were startling.”

"Fragile flower . . . I think WUSS may be closer to the truth . . "
“Fragile flower?  HSP? . . . I think she’s just plain melodramatic. . “

Genetic Literacy Project

 

Mar 26 2015

Frankly Freddie – Therapeutic Advice

Dear Miss Ruby, Canine Dog Therapist,

As an experienced CDT here’s some basic guidelines for your new career.

Miss Ruby Maer, CDT

Miss Ruby Maer, CDT

  1. Always have kleenex ready.  It’s tax-deductible.
  2. Do not take insurance.  Make sure that your clients understand you take only “out-of-pocket” doggie-cookies, no deferred insurance payment.  Insurance takes too long to reimburse and will discount the amount of cookies you are entitled to.
  3. When your clients are angry or unduly upset get under a table until the storm blows over.  In extreme cases you might have to jump on your human-being’s lap to protect her because she doesn’t have enough instinct to duck ‘n cover.
  4. Show, don’t tell.  Most therapist spend all their time talking – blah, blah, blah.  After awhile clients just tune them out.  You must demonstrate these time-tested psychotherapeutic techniques to help humans develop healthy behavioral coping skills:
  • Shake it off.  Not everything needs examining or even understanding.
  • Roll over.  “Turn the other cheek” in human-lingo.
  • Play dead when others are threatening, demanding or unreasonable.
  • Beg for forgiveness if you’ve done something hurtful.
  • Stare to get attention.  Don’t make a fuss as it takes too much energy.
  • Sleep a lot in order to think clearly and make healthy choices.
  • Play. Don’t take life seriously as that takes MUCH too much energy.

Should you need further guidance send a check payable to Freddie Parker Westerfield and then call me.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

P.S.  I don’t take insurance and no longer take payment in dog-cookies as I prefer to buy my own.

Me, exhausted after trying to teach my HumanBeing to roll over

Me, exhausted after trying to teach my HumanBeing to roll over

 

Mar 16 2015

Post-Traumatic GROWTH?

Skimming my surface

tell-tale signs of suffering

The pain buried deep

My haiku was inspired by Carolyn Thomas’ Post-Traumatic Growth: how a crisis makes life better – or not.  Carolyn had a myocardial infarction – the “widowmaker” heart attack.  Since that life altering experience she has been overwhelmingly affected by the ongoing pain of coronary microvascular disease.

Mask by moi

Mask by moi

Until I read Carolyn’s excellent post I had never heard of Post Traumatic GROWTH:

“Post-Traumatic Growth is the experience of positive change that occurs as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life crises.

“Although the term is new, the idea that great good can come from great suffering is ancient.”

“Reports of Post-Traumatic Growth have been found in people who have experienced bereavement, rheumatoid arthritis, HIV infection, cancer, bone marrow transplantation, heart attacks, coping with the medical problems of children, transportation accidents, house fires, sexual assault and sexual abuse, combat, refugee experiences, and being taken hostage.” 

Read this informative and thought-provoking post and Carolyn’s concern for patients & people regarding this concept.  Click HERE

Feb 23 2015

Stop Bleeding

Long after the original dagger has been wiped clean of blood, wounds of failure, loneliness and rejection often never heal.  We learn to cover them up with smiles and long sleeves to keep them hidden from view.

Emotional wounds lie on the surface. They get bumped, scrapped and ripped opened over and over throughout our lives. We habituate to our emotional pain and don’t look for help until our body starts talking to us through physical symptoms.

Many of you who know me well know I often speak in “hyperbole”.  All of you know I’m not now exaggerating.  Watch this excellent TedTalk.

“We’ll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or a nagging pain. So why don’t we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness? Too many of us deal with common psychological-health issues on our own, says Guy Winch. But we don’t have to. He makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene — taking care of our emotions, our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies.”

Feb 8 2015

DRINK UP! – A Lesson on Chronic Stress

When I was a shrinkling listening was not automatic.  Thirty years later I’m on auto-pilot listening simultaneously on multiple levels: What clients are saying, what they are not saying, how they are experiencing it, what their body is saying, how what I’m hearing is connected to feelings in the last few days, years, lifetimes;  Listening for patterns, connections, disconnections  . . .

 Logic would have me think  it was more stressful being a psychotherapist in the beginning of my career.  So why, after just sitting and listening, I’m a zombie for days afterwards?  

This explanation about chronic stress might explain some of it (I agree with everything, except for the conclusion):

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‘”A young lady confidently walked around the room with a raised glass of water while leading a seminar and explaining stress management to her audience. Everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘Half empty or half full?’  She fooled them all. “How heavy is this glass of water?” she inquired with a smile. Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. To 20 oz.”

“She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.”
 
“If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”‘
 
“She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”‘
 
“‘As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced.  So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. Pick them up again tomorrow if you must.”
 
P.S.  I still blame much of my zombiehood on the fibromyalgia.  After all what else is fibro good for – it never listens.
Thanks Susan!
Jan 23 2015

I’m a Used-to-Be . . . in progress

Just realized I need to update my oh-so-many profiles that are swirling around in cyberspace.

IACH Board having fun

Me, Looking Intriguing

Less than an academic exercise changing my profile has become a psychological dilemma in ego-identification.  Since I have no specific direction I’ve decided to call myself a Used-to-Be Therapist.  Used-to-Be has a ring of experience with just a hint of being washed up.  I think I’ll also add BEing-in-Progress.  The combination of Used-to-Be and BEing-in Progress creates a bit of intrigue.

I’m a serial monogamist when it comes to my professional identity.  I don’t like to break up with my current identity until I have another identity lined up in the wings.  When I break the news “I don’t love you anymore” to any job I’ve had  it’s comforting to run into the arms of my new job for solace, security and paycheck.

unnamedThis time around Uncle Sam is neither giving me comfort nor solace and his paycheck, contrary to what he calls it, is not a lot of security and comes with the title DEPENDENT.

I’ve worked since I was 16.  So for 60 decades, give or take a few years, I’ve prided myself in being INDEPENDENT.  Ok – It’s not always pride, some of the time self-pity, much of the time martyrdom and most of the time resignation.  But for 60 decades I’ve never had the title DEPENDENT.

Used-to-Be-Independent, Dependent in-Progess?  You’ll have to keep checking all my cyber profiles to see what my current status is. I’ll probably decide after I receive my first social SECURITY check.

"I can't believe what she's saying"
“Ai yi yiiiiiiiii She needs help”.
Jan 9 2015

Learn what many therapists don’t tell you – You are not your thoughts.

Listen and learn how to control your thoughts so they don’t control you – Not good enough . . . I’ll always be alone in pain . . . not smart enough . . . no one will ever understand me and . . .  dark, dark thoughts. 

Do listen to this excellent (and entertaining) NPR broadcast.  Worth your time and it’s cheaper than a therapy appointment.

http://www.npr.org/2015/01/09/375928124/dark-thoughts

sunnymars100900002

 

Dec 28 2014

Happiness – how our remembering self hijacks our experiencing self

I tend to live in the present moment – not because I am centered nor have I perfected mindfulness.  It’s because I  have a very lousy long-term memory.   You can tell me the same joke over and over and I’ll laugh every time because I never remember the punch line.  I don’t remember having already seen a movie or read a book until I get to the end.  Details of my life elude me.  Turns out I’m blessed by a forgetful remembering-self.

LISTEN to this!!!!!!!! –  How we determine what is a painful experience or a pleasurable one; How we create the story of our life.

Dec 4 2014

Criticism is good when it’s feedback (parenthetically speaking)

This comes under the heading of “If I knew then what I know now”.  

After years of hearing from Daru Maer, my friend and colleague, about how wonderful, creative and incredibly accomplished her daughter Jenn Maer was I finally got to verify that myself when I met Jenn last year.

I’m sharing Jenn’s article that appeared in the San Francisco Egotist because it is timely.  During the holidays we are particularly sensitive to other’s expectations, needs, wants and their “feedback”.  Jenn’s realization that feedback, most of the time, is given for precisely the reasons she identifies is spot-on.  I wish I knew that when I was Jenn’s age.

(Sorry Jenn, I couldn’t resist the parenthetical feedback) 

_________________

What I Learned in 2014: Jenn Maer, Design Director, IDEO

“This was the year I finally learned to take feedback.”

“Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been “addressing” feedback for my entire career. Early on, I mastered the art of smiling whenever somebody eviscerated my work—nodding thoughtfully while saying, “Hmm. Interesting. Let me have a think on that.” But until recently, I never truly meant it. Feedback was something to be dodged, outsmarted, and begrudgingly incorporated when pressed to do so.”

“I realize this makes me sound like a world-class a_ _ _ _ _ _ (Feedback: Sorry for the edit, Jen, but this is a PG 13 rated blog and your description is not appropriate for those of us emotionally under the age of consent). But I don’t think that’s the case: I love (and insist on) working collaboratively, I always look for opportunities to help other people shine, and I’m pretty easy-going all around. I think I just hated the feeling that I hadn’t done something perfectly right off the bat.”

“Then, after having a really enlightening conversation with a mentor of mine, something shifted in me. I would get a piece of feedback and listen to it. I mean, really listen to it. Like the kind of listening a therapist does, when you say, “I hate the color blue” and they hear you say, “I’ve got deep-seeded issues with my mother.” (Feedback:  Sorry Jen, your mother IS a therapist – how could you NOT have deep-seeded issues with her?)  (Sorry Daru, but since you are a therapist you know that all things lead back to the mother . . .)

“I stopped being so quietly, inwardly defensive, and realized that each piece of feedback is delivered in service of making things better. Now, with every comment or red-Sharpied suggestion, I ask myself, what’s behind the issue that’s being raised? How can I use this as a chance to make my work clearer, tighter, smarter, funnier…whatever it needs to be?”

“I’m not saying I’ve got this new skill down pat. There are certainly still moments when people make inane, counter-productive comments that make me want to bash their heads in with the Polycom. (Sorry Jen, but I don’t know what a Polycom is so if you want to bash in my head I hope it’s soft . . . ). But you know what? I’m learning to hear what’s beneath those comments, too. It’s usually something like, “I need to feel important here.” (Sorry Jenn, I am important here – it’s MY blog) Or, “I don’t know what’s happening and I’m freaked out about it.” And with a little bit of empathy, I can help them through those issues, as well.”  (Sorry Jen, if you don’t want to help me with my issue of compulsively commenting, maybe your Mom can?)

(ALL things are ultimately the mother’s fault –  You are one smart, insightful daughter)

Read more at San Francisco Egoist 

Nov 8 2014

If you could change one thing about your body . . . ?

“. . .  it is so easy to feel insecure about our appearance. Whether it is because of the mean comment that comes our way or the photoshopped image we see in magazines, it can be so easy to feel self-conscious about our body. When was the last time you felt comfortable in your own skin?”

“We are so excited to share with you our newest 50 people 1 question short – Comfortable. We hope that this video will inspire you to be more comfortable and confident in yourself. Beauty is not about what you don’t have, but about being comfortable in your own skin.“   

Jubilee Project

 

I am thankful for
Not having been given the freedom
To choose my face, God,
I would have been
Tempted to copy that too
Or picked up
Pieces from the best looks
Here and there…

by Ramesh Sood

A Little More than Ordinary 

Sep 28 2014

Frankly Freddie (Parenthetically Speaking) Cody

Dear Gloria Human-Being,

 You wrote me about your owner Cody and I will try to help you understand him to improve your relationship.

  • “Cody rarely barks except when he thinks I (Gloria) am too slow in answering the front door or taking him for walks”.  (All humans are too slow because they insist on getting about on only two limbs).
  • “He thinks everyone that comes over, came over to see him”. (Gloria Human-Being, don’t be so sure that’s not true)
  • Cody
    Cody Brookins
  • “He has a doggie door but if he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, (If he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, he’s NOT getting enough attention) he goes out his door and comes around to the family room door and barks to let me know he’s out there.” (how else is he going to let you know he’s out there? . . . make sure Cody carries his smart phone so he can text message you)
  • “When the doggie door is closed and has to potty, he finds me in the house and scratches my leg a couple of times to let me know he’s there”. (Gloria Human-being, of course he scratches your leg.  Bend down so he can reach your shoulder)
  • “He’ll scratch my leg like that for attention if I’m in the office, to let me know the timer is buzzing when I’m watering my trees”. (We doggies are very conscious of conserving our natural resources – especially since water is the only one we are allowed to drink)
  • Cody
    Cody, full “blown” Westie
  • “If you’re eating something, he will look at you with his ears perked up, but you tell him it’s “mine” his ears drop and walks away.  (Gloria Human-being, you must learn to be more generous and share). Although if someone feeds him a snack he may stick around for more.  I try to tell my friends to give him carrots or dog treats only.” (Is that what you feed your friends – carrots or dog treats?)
  • “Cody has been a treasure to have as he and I are buddies.  He loves going to grandma’s house as he usually gets a piece of chicken or meat to taste”. (Grandma rocks!  I would like to have her for my Grandma.  Please ask her.)

Sincerely yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist and Animal Behaviorist

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT Animal Behaviorist

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT
Animal Behaviorist

Cody

Cody, contemplating how to better train his Human-Being.

Sep 19 2014

Sleep deprivation, late life eroticism, memory loss, wrinkles? – Bring it on!

James Hillman explains why he believes that a person’s true character only emerges in old age. 

(only 11 1/2 minutes – LISTEN!)

*Jungian psychologist James Hillman is the author of “The Force of Character and The Lasting Life”.

Thanks Laurie F.  Hibernationnow for this grrrrrrrrrrrrrreat interview!

Jul 28 2014

Hooked on Haiku – CLEARly Showing Men How It’s Done

Never been so clear

a new world order is here

bitter, painful birth

judy journal page

judy journal page

You decide: A political post?  a psychological post?  A sociological post? A  post about the sexes? . . 

 Merkel Shows Men How It’s Done

By Leonid Bershidsky,  JUL 18, 2014

“Would women be better than men at running the world? There’s a case to be made on the example of Angela Merkel, currently the longest-serving — and most popular — leader of a Group of Seven country.”

With an approval rating of 71 percent, far beyond what the leaders of other big industrialized nations could hope for, Merkel shouldn’t need any further justification to stay in power. She has, however, an unexpected one: “I have, at least so far, incredible curiosity.” It’s not just about highbrow lectures. Merkel is the rare politician who listens rather than talks, which is one reason her public pronouncements are famously bland and repetitive. One sometimes gets the impression that Russian President Vladimir Putin calls her so often (he did it yesterday, too) because he finds the sessions therapeutic.

Thanks Sandy W!!!!

Read the entire article: http://www.bloombergview.com/articles/2014-07-18/merkel-shows-men-how-it-s-done

Haiku Horizons - prompt CLEAR

Haiku Horizons – prompt CLEAR

Jul 26 2014

A “Don’t quote me” Haiku

Enough said . . .

unnamed

*    *    *

 Renouncing reason

 not very reasonable

It’s just logical

 

 

Jul 14 2014

Hooked on Haiku – prompt DRIVE

Don’t drive me crrrrrrrrazy!

be gentle with my psyche

I’m already nuts.

P1020543

"There she goes . . .again"
Bob the Blobfish sez: “Here she goes . . . . . again”

Driven together –

I’m crazy, you’re crazy too

Love is always blind

 

 


Jun 19 2014

Despair = Suffering without Meaning

At the risk of jinxing myself I’ve been puzzling over why I do not suffer as much from fibromyalgia than the women (and men) I know who are in more pain, have more co-morbid conditions and debilitating symptoms than I do.

And because they are, for the most part, held hostage by their medical conditions they are unable to continue to work in their professions and live a “relatively normal” life.   I’m not sure my life is “normal”.  I’m often stopped in my tracks by exhaustion, distracted by pain but I’ve been blessed by being able to continue to work in a profession that gives my life purpose and meaning.

What’s prompted all my questioning and thinking?  

I’ve been reading books written by Viktor Frankl an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist who was a Holocaust survivor. In his book Mans Search for Meaning he writes about his incarceration in nazi death camps where he observed that those who did not believe their existence had meaning succumbed in greater numbers from starvation and disease than those who held the belief that their life had meaning.

Their purpose didn’t involve grand schemes of saving the world, curing people or groundbreaking discoveries. Purpose ranged from finishing a manuscript of a book begun before incarceration, staying alive for a family member or simply believing God had an unknown reason for them to live.

So?  What part does purpose and meaning play in our lives? in your life?  Does having purpose and meaning help reduce emotional or physical suffering?  I don’t pretend to have the answer, just the question.

Here’s Dr Frankl in an interview about finding meaning in difficult times.  (He talks about his experience in the concentration camps toward the end of the interview.)

“. . .the man on the street knows that meaning may not only be found in creating a work and doing a deed, not only in encountering someone and experiencing something, but also, if need be, in the way in which he stands up to suffering.” Viktor Frankl

 

May 13 2014

Freddie Parker Westerfield, All in a Day’s Work

It’s a big responsibility being a Canine Dog Therapist (CDT).  I take it very seriously.

Me thinking about how to amuse my clients

Me, Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, thinking about what my clients need today. 

I always know what might be most helpful to my clients.  Sometimes they need to laugh so I do something to amuse them.  Sometimes they need to calm down so I let them pet me.  Sometimes I have to demonstrate what they need to do to make their life better like shake things up a bit or tear into a problem . 

Moosie, my assistant

Moosie, my assistant

Moosie is my therapy assistant.  My Auntie Lyn gave him to me.  Auntie Lyn is very compassionate and knows how stressful it is for me to do everything on my own.

Moosie, exhausted after helping me demonstate how to get your teeth into "it"

Moosie, exhausted after helping me demonstrate how to tear into a problem.

I often use Moosie to demonstrate concepts such as:

  • No matter how life shakes you up  you can survive gut wrenching experiences
  • What we show on the outside is not always what is inside.
  • A broken heart is the least of your worries.
  • If you want to be inconspicuous don’t wear red.
Make an appointment if you want me to help you.

Me, Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, after a hard days work. 

It is gratifying to know that I help my clients . . .

while my human just sits there and watches.

 

 

Mar 29 2014

How to Deal with Fear vs Danger

REALLY worth watching – Chris Hadfield: What I learned from going blind in space.

‘”There’s an astronaut saying: In space, “there is no problem so bad that you can’t make it worse.” So how do you deal with the complexity, the sheer pressure, of dealing with dangerous and scary situations? Retired colonel Chris Hadfield paints a vivid portrait of how to be prepared for the worst in space (and life) — and it starts with walking into a spider’s web. Watch for a special space-y performance”. TED Talks

“Good morning, Earth.” That is how Colonel Chris Hadfield, writing on Twitter, woke up the world every day while living aboard the International Space Station. In his five months on the ISS (including three as commander) Hadfield became a worldwide sensation, using social media to make outer space accessible and infusing a sense of wonder into the collective consciousness. Check out his cover version of David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” sung while floating in his tin can, far above the world …’

May 29 2013

The Magic of Imagery

My wonderful, wacky, creative friend and colleague Daru Maer and I are doing a presentation at the Imagery International Conference this October.

DSCN3382

We’re doing an experiential presentation: “The Magic of the Mask”.

Each of us has done variations of this workshop.  Now we have to combine forces which means I HAVE to go to Oregon where Daru lives so we can plan it.  Right?   RIGHT!  I’m sooooooo looking forward to getting “outa town” as I’ve not been away for over a decade (the perils of working for yourself).

Daru said that the weather is unpredictable in Portland – it may rain in the morning or in the evening or rain all day long.  You never know.

So! I need a favor from all of you: Please IMAGINE SUNSHINE IN THE NORTHWEST UNITED STATES I don’t own an umbrella, rain boots or rain coat.

I’ll let you know if imagery is MAGIC . . .

The Magic of Imagery

   Imagery International’s 5th Conference

October 4-6, 2013 at Mercy Center in Burlingame, California, USA

 

May 23 2013

Expressing the Inexpressible

“Arts, sciences & all crafts are worship….

if it is prompted by the highest motives & the will to do service to humanity.” Baha’i

How do we express the inexpressible?  I believe it is only through creativity and the arts that feelings can powerfully be shared.  That is what makes music, dance, painting, poetry, any form of creative expression,  a personal signature of who we are and how we feel.  475px-The_Scream
The Scream by Edvard Munch, circa 1893 (WebMuseum at ibiblio via Wikimedia Commons)

“One evening I was walking along a path, the city was on one side and the fjord below. I felt tired and ill. I stopped and looked out over the fjord—the sun was setting, and the clouds turning blood-red. I sensed a scream passing through nature; it seemed to me that I heard the scream. I painted this picture, painted the clouds as actual blood. The color shrieked. This became The Scream.”-Evdard Munch

“Depersonalization [disorder], a serious disruption in a persons thoughts or sensations about their individual self, understandably alters their entire world…Alienation, isolation, and altered perceptions have for centuries served as themes for the visual arts, particularly modern art. Edvard Munch’s famous painting The Scream depicts the essence of a private hell and detachment from all things outside of one’s self.”-Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder And the Loss of the Self  by Daphne Simeon & Jeffrey Abugel

Full article is excellent.  Click here: a-brief-history-of-mental-illness-in-art

Apr 3 2013

Is Your Life an Illusion?

Freddie and I were at “work” from 10 am to 7 pm today.  After being petted and getting treats Freddie napped.  I’m a bit tired right now as it’s not polite for me to nap during a session.  So here’s a “No-Brainer Brainer” post.

It took me awhile to see the circles. Now I cannot NOT see them.  It’s just like therapy.  We all have a limited viewpoint, a perception, of how things are.  It’s never the whole picture.  As a therapist I help clients view their lives, their situations and relationships from different perspectives.  I help them see the “circles.”  
norcia2600

Illusionoftheyear.com

The pattern contains 16 circles, but if you’re like most first-time viewers, you’re thinking, Circles?  I can only see a bunch of rectangles!

Look again, and 16 completely round circles, lodged in between the “door panels”, will pop into view. 

 

Mar 17 2013

Brain on Over-Drive

The "Hag"

Anxiety is the brain’s way of trying to keep us alive.  It wants us to be safe and so it looks for anything and everything that may not work, could be a problem, might be dangerous.

For most people who have anxiety “disorders” their minds are always working, scanning their physical, mental and emotional environments: A non-stop cacophony of thoughts , trying to avoid difficulty, figuring out something that doesn’t make sense . . . day and night; An adaptive mechanism in overdrive.

Faster and faster 

can’t stop a run away train

going nowhere fast

 

Racing rumbling thoughts

can’t stop a run away brain

A one way ticket

Feb 18 2013

Your Unconscious at Work . . . even when you aren’t

As someone who does hypnotherapy it is exciting when the research supports the power of unconscious processing.  When you have a decision to make how often have you heard – “sleep on it”?  Turns out this is good advice.

“New brain imaging research shows that brain regions responsible for making decisions continue to be active even when the conscious brain is distracted with a different task. The research provides some of the first evidence showing how the brain unconsciously processes decision information in ways that lead to improved decision-making.”

“It [the research] shows that brain regions important for decision-making remain active even while our brains may be simultaneously engaged in unrelated tasks, such as thinking about a math problem. What’s most intriguing about this finding is that participants did not have any awareness that their brains were still working on the decision problem while they were engaged in an unrelated task.” J. David Creswell, assistant professor of psychology in Carnegie Mellon University Dietrich College of Humanities and Social Sciences and director of the Health and Human Performance Laboratory. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=eFX5S0tpTUA#t=8s

Feb 16 2013

Check this out to see if you are Highly Sensitive

Decreased Latent

Decreased Latent Inhibition by Judy

You or someone you know probably fits the profile of being “Highly Sensitive”.  After reading an interview of Douglas Eby  I’m relieved to know I’m just “highly sensitive” and not wacked out.

Read on for some excerpts from an interview by Therese J. Borchard, associate editor of PsychCentral with Douglas Eby, M.A./Psychology, writer and researcher on the psychology of creative
expression, high ability and personal growth. HighlySensitive.org and http://talentdevelop.com.

5 Gifts of Being Highly Sensitive

1. Sensory detail

“One of the prominent “virtues” of high sensitivity is the richness of sensory detail that life provides. The subtle shades of texture in clothing, and foods when cooking, the sounds of music or even traffic or people talking, fragrances and colors of nature. All of these may be more intense for highly sensitive people.”

” . . . response to color makes visual experience rich and exciting, and can help visual artists and designers be even more excellent.”

2. Nuances in meaning

“The trait of high sensitivity also includes a strong tendency to be aware of nuances in meaning, and to be more cautious about taking action, and to more carefully consider options and possible outcomes.”

3. Emotional awareness

“We also tend to be more aware of our inner emotional states, which can make for richer and more profound creative work as writers, musicians, actors or other artists.”

“A greater response to pain, discomfort, and physical experience can mean sensitive people have the potential, at least, to take better care of their health.”

4. Creativity

“Psychologist Elaine Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, estimates about twenty percent of people are highly sensitive, and seventy percent of those are introverted, which is a trait that can also encourage creativity.”

5. Greater empathy

“High sensitivity to other people’s emotions can be a powerful asset for teachers, managers, therapists and others.”

Five curses of the decreased latently inhibited 

1. Easily overwhelmed, overstimulated

“The biggest challenge in high sensitivity is probably being vulnerable to sensory or emotional overwhelm. Taking in and processing so much information from both inner and outer worlds can be “too much” at times and result in more pain, fatigue, stress, anxiety and other reactions.”

“An intriguing neuroscience research study I came across that may explain some of this said people with nervous systems having decreased latent inhibition are more open to incoming stimuli. Which can be a good thing, or not so good.”  (I prefer to be latently inhibited rather than overly sensitive)

“Actor Amy Brenneman once commented, “I’m too sensitive to watch most of the reality shows. It’s so painful for me.”  (Won’t watch anything that even hints at famine, pestilence, flood or fire.)

2. Affected by emotions of others

“Another aspect of sensitivity can be reacting to the emotions — and perhaps thoughts — of others. Being in the vicinity of angry people, for example, can be more distressing.”  (I run screaming into the night if I overhear angry arguments even on T.V.)

3. Need lots of space and time to ourselves

“We may need to “retreat” and emotionally “refresh” ourselves at times . . . ”  

4. Unhealthy perfectionism

There can also be qualities of thinking or analyzing that lead to unhealthy perfectionism, or stressful responses to objects, people or situations that are “too much” or “wrong” for our sensitivities.

5. Living out of sync with our culture

Living in a culture that devalues sensitivity and introversion as much as the U.S. means there are many pressures to be “normal” — meaning extroverted, sociable and outgoing.

Dr. Ted Zeff, author of The Highly Sensitive Person’s Survival Guide, points out that other cultures, such as Thailand, have different attitudes, with a strong appreciation of sensitive or introverted people.  (Now I know why I love Thai food)

” . . .  “too emotional” or “too sensitive” are usually criticisms based on majority behavior and standards.”

Click here to read the entire interview 

The conclusion of the interview: “Overall, I think being highly sensitive is a trait we can embrace and use to be more creative and aware. But it demands taking care to live strategically, even outside popular values, to avoid overwhelm so we can better nurture our abilities and creative talents.”