My Birthday Season . . . I’m still 70

Received this birthday “reminder” from my friend Sharon, who, yes even after receiving this, I still call my friend.

Questions and Answers from CARP Forum

Q: Where can single men over the age of 70 find younger women who are interested in them?

A: Try a bookstore, under Fiction.

Q: What can a man do while his wife is going through menopause?

A: Keep busy. If you’re handy with tools, you can finish the basement. When you’re done, you will have a place to live.

Q: Someone has told me that menopause is mentioned in the bible… Is that true?
Where can it be found?

A: Yes. Matthew 14:92:
“And Mary rode Joseph’s ass all the way to Egypt…”

Q: How can you increase the heart rate of your over-70 year-old husband?

A: Tell him you’re pregnant.

Q: How can you avoid that terrible curse of the elderly wrinkles?

A: Take off your glasses.

Q: Seriously! What can I do for these crow’s feet and all those wrinkles on my face?

A: Go braless. It will usually pull them out..

Q: Why should 70-plus year old people use valet parking?

A: Valets don’t forget where they park your car.

Q: Is it common for 70-plus year olds to have problems with short term memory storage?

A: Storing memory is not a problem, Retrieving it is the problem.

Q: As people age, do they sleep more soundly?

A: Yes, but usually in the afternoon.

Q: Where should 70-plus year olds look for eye glasses?

A: On their foreheads.

Q: What is the most common remark made by 70-plus year olds when they enter antique stores?

A: “Gosh, I remember these!”

 

Friday the 13th – my LUCKY day

Seventy years ago I emerged from the womb – my mother’s to be precise.  If that isn’t lucky I don’t know what is.  

As you know,  I had decided to celebrate my Birthday Season for 70 days in advance this year.  However, it didn’t work out as I had planned because no one followed rule #3.  So I am giving you another chance.  Starting today I will continue to celebrate for another 70 days.  

Please review the rules so you understand what your part is.

Here are The Birthday Season* Official Rules that start again today:

  1. Beginning on the day of your birth your season lasts the number of days you are old.  You may start your Birthday Season before the day of your birth.  But you cannot exceed the number of days you are old. Consequently, every year your Birthday Season is one day longer.  With me so far?
  2. You are to celebrate your birth the entire season by choosing whatever you wish to do, or NOT do,  each day.  So far so good!
  3. People give you presents the entire season.  SO GOOD, so far!
  4. You must be over 50 to qualify for Birthday Season status.  (Over 50 you need more time to celebrate because it takes you longer.)
  5. Those who are under the age of 50 can celebrate a Birthday Season as long as they don’t tell anyone or demand presents. (Gargle thoroughly after breakfast to eliminate tell-tale “Birthday Season Breath”.
  6. You must eat doughnuts everyday for breakfast during your season. (If you don’t like doughnuts you can choose anything you want as long as it isn’t healthy).
  7. Every day of your season you must be grateful for being born and still being alive.  (After your Birthday Season is over you can revert to moaning about your age).

*For those of you who don’t know how “The Birthday Season” came into being here’s the link My Birthday Season or you can have your donut and eat it too. 

A Cautionary Tale – Pome

Boogie while you’re young

Pierce your tongue

Dye your hair green

Eat fat, not the lean

Don’t give a lick what makes you tick

Eat, drink and be merry

because if you tarry

you’ll soon be too old

all covered with mold

And have to scrap it off with a stick

First time she's made any sense . . .

First time she’s made any sense . . .

475478131

Counting up to 70 – “Up a Tree”

“Ye are all leaves of one tree and the fruits of one branch.” Baha’i

As I “count up” to my 70th birthday” I think more and more about choice & inevitability,  and the wonder of the unknown.  When I received these pictures from my friend Sharon they struck me as reflecting the human condition . . . mine included. 

unnamed-11Tree, speak to me

of essence

Speak to me.

unnamed-10reaching ever reaching

for the Source

unnamed-9clinging to the sky

soaring from the earth

unnamed-8growing visible invisible patterns

in time and space

unnamed-7clinging tenaciously

clinging by my roots 

 to a passage yet unknown

Thanks Sharon for sharing!

Becca Givens posts pictures of  trees she photographs on her blog Sunday Trees.  Becca has much more discipline than I do as it is every Sunday!  Here’s some of her “trees” Sunday Trees 03Sunday Trees 08Sunday Trees 26 in the Mayan Ruins

 

 

How to Get a Leg up on Trashing Self-Doubt!

unnamed-17

As I get older

I grow less bolder

My body parts are rather dear

One leg up, one leg down

I’ll end up icing my rear, I fear

unnamed-16

Two legs down are more my style

both feet on the ground awhile

trash the skates

there’s no self doubt 

Easier to get about

Reserve the ice for drinks and such

One can never hydrate too much

unnamed-15

And when my legs both give out

I could switch to four to get about

Don’t put me out to pasture yet

Am I still in the race?  You bet!

Here’s to retirement! I’ll drink to that . . .

As retirement looms I’m finding inspiration everywhere.

unnamed-14Yes, my body knows what to do

it doesn’t want to be black and blue

My mind should upend

unnatural ways to bend

unnamed-19So keep me on my feet

a beverage can’t be beat

Who would’a thunk

I could turn into a drunk

 

 

My Birthday Season Studies, Aging on the “Fritz”

In preparation for my coming birthday I’m studying what “learned” people know about aging.  I just found out that  a definite perk of  “getting old” ensures me of ALWAYS being in the present moment!   Fritz Coleman (who is very “learned” says: “When you are old you can’t count on the future and you can’t remember the past.”

Fritz Coleman, Comedian

Senior Conference On Aging. Held at the First Church of the Nazarene of Pasadena. Keynote Speaker Fritz Coleman NBC4’s weathercaster is a Southern California broadcasting icon”  and a . . .  comedian.