Only 15 days till Chanukah! 15 days till Christmas! 22 days till New Year’s! Time for my yearly reminder on how to keep sane.
Christmas:
- Instead of buying a tree watch your friends decorate (and take down) theirs
- Convert to Judaism
- Sit in the lobby of a 5-star hotel and enjoy EXPENSIVE decorations.
- ADOPT a pig, instead of eating one.
- Make dinner potluck, you supply the paper plates and plastic cutlery
- Christmas dinner – Start with dessert and forget the rest.
- Sit on the beach in Bali
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8. Go to bed on the 23rd and get up on January 3rd.*
9. Only buy presents for Jesus.
10. Put a cover on the outside chimney opening so you don’t have to put out cookies and milk.
Chanukah:
11. Watch your friends decorate (and take down) their Christmas tree.
12. Convert.
13. Stay in a 5-star hotel for 8 days and nights.
14. Use credit cards instead of gelt
15. Instead of gambling with a dreidle at home go to Vegas
16. Don’t give presents, do good deeds
17. Go to bed on Thanksgiving and wake up on New Years**
18. Bake potatoes instead of grating them to death
19. Eat macaroons with Ben & Jerry
New Years:
20. *Remember! Stay in bed until the 3rd, unless you’re Jewish.
21. **If you are Jewish, go back to bed.