Tag Archives: Christmas

Why Santa never gets caught

How Do Reindeer Fly?

Doodlewash is a blog I follow – both for Charlie O’s great water-colors but even more for his wonderful stories and descriptions about each drawing.

Today’s Doodlewash post inspired my pome.

Water-color by Charlie O'Shields
Water-color by Charlie O’Shields

Pome by judy

No one catches Santa on the roof

or in the snow sees prints

of tiny reindeer hoof

for Santa’s no bigger than a fly

and reindeer all the size of ants

ferry him through the Christmas sky

I don’t think it silly at all

to imagine reindeer quite so small

and know 

how Santa slides down chimney flues

with nary much soot on his beard or shoes

So make your cookies the size of peas

and leave the milk in a thimble please

Limit the weight of gifts and such

to crush an ant

 it doesn’t take much

   *     *    *

To read Charlie O’s inspiring story click here:

How Do Reindeer Fly?

21 ways to keep your sanity for the holidays

 Only  15 days till Chanukah!    15 days till Christmas!  22 days till New Year’s!  Time for my yearly reminder on how to keep sane.

Christmas:

  1. Instead of buying  a tree watch your friends decorate (and take down) theirs
  2. Convert to Judaism
  3. Sit in the lobby of a 5-star hotel and enjoy EXPENSIVE decorations.
  4. ADOPT a pig, instead of eating one.
  5. Make dinner potluck, you supply the paper plates and plastic cutlery
  6. Christmas dinner – Start with dessert and forget the rest.
  7. Sit on the beach in Bali.

8.  Go to bed on the 23rd and get up on January 3rd.*

9.  Only buy presents for Jesus.

10. Put a cover on the outside chimney opening so you don’t have to put out cookies and milk.

Chanukah:

11. Watch your friends decorate (and take down) their Christmas tree.

12. Convert.

13. Stay in a 5-star hotel for 8 days and nights.

14. Use credit cards instead of gelt

15. Instead of gambling with a dreidle at home go to Vegas

16. Don’t give presents, do good deeds

17. Go to bed on Thanksgiving and wake up on New Years**

18. Bake potatoes instead of grating them to death

19. Eat macaroons with Ben & Jerry

New Years:

20. *Remember! Stay in bed until the 3rd, unless you’re Jewish.

21. **If you are Jewish, go back to bed.

 

Peace on Earth & Sanity to all my Friends!

Children’s Pome for Adults – the REAL night before Christmas

Dear human-beings,

Besides being soft and cuddly a mission of mine is to bring poetry to the masses, of which you are some.   And I am here to bring you the truth . . . even though it might hurt.

Santa was frantic at the North Pole

Finances in the red, he was in the hole

Mrs Claus couldn’t afford sugar

For her cookies sublime

Dear old hubby didn’t have a dime

231739-royalty-free-rf-clipart-illustration-of-santa-freaking-out-poster-art-print

North Pole employment had exploded

and Santa’s credit had eroded

He’d spent his last cent on black Friday deals

and turkey with the trimmings for thanksgiving meals

imgres

The night before Christmas he no longer had clout

When all the elves threatened a walk-out

Elf-union held all the chips

As evidenced by the grin on all the elf lips

For every elf in all the land

Had won a pay deal without tipping their hand:

Double pay all December

a free thanksgiving meal in November

Finally fringe benefits for elves was real

For Santa and the Mrs, there was no appeal

Santa had bitten his nails to the quick

Both right and left eyes developed a tic

All Santa could do was self medicate

So he stuffed his mouth from the cookie plate santa-claus-being-drunk-holding-beer-33377069

And downed all the rum from a hot toddy cup

his blood pressure sky-high, went up and up

His big fat belly shook like a bowl full of lead

While visions of bankruptcy danced in his head

So all you children and adults too

Have compassion and learn to make due  

STOP asking for presents and things you don’t need

YOU must now take heed.

It’s no time for greed

If you want Santa another Christmas to live

to every red-kettle-bell-ringer

Dig in your pocket and GIVE.

Poetically yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

My Naughty or Nice Pome

When you’re stuck in the middle tween naughty or nice

here’s free advice to add some spice

Be sure to indulge in all things obscene

(as long as the police don’t intervene)

You can’t live twice . . . so shake, rattle ‘n roll . . . them dice

snake-eyes-7520068

A Very Merry Christmas & Jesus

cross-of-christ-0103This Christmas we reflect on Christ’s wonderful revelation and the profound impact His message of love and fellowship has had on the world.

Many have asked me if Baha’i followers believe in Jesus.  

To be a Baha’i is to believe in the Lord Jesus Christ with absolute certainty.

“Christ’s message of love continues to vibrate throughout the world.  His revelation, although written and compiled some 50 years after His passing, continues to transform the hearts of millions around the globe some 2,000 years later”.

Of Jesus Christ, Baha’u’llah, the Divine “Founder” of the Baha’i faith wrote:complex_celtic_cross

“Know thou that when the Son of Man yielded up His breath to God, the whole creation wept with a great weeping. By sacrificing Himself, however, a fresh capacity was infused into all created things. Its evidences, as witnessed in all the peoples of the earth, are now manifest before thee. The deepest wisdom which the sages have uttered, the profoundest learning which any mind hath unfolded, the arts which the ablest hands have produced, the influence exerted by the most potent of rulers, are but manifestations of the quickening power released by His transcendent, His all-pervasive, and resplendent Spirit.”

free-desktop-wallpaper-called-cross“We testify that when He came into the world, He shed the splendor of His glory upon all created things. Through Him the leper recovered from the leprosy of perversity and ignorance. Through Him, the unchaste and wayward were healed. Through His power, born of Almighty God, the eyes of the blind were opened, and the soul of the sinner sanctified… We bear witness that through the power of the Word of God every leper was cleansed, every sickness was healed, every human infirmity was banished. He it is Who purified the world. Blessed is the man who, with a face beaming with light, hath turned towards Him.”

And so with the love and fellowship I’ve received from all of you who read this blog I wish you all a very merry Christmas.

coexist

“For those of you reading this who are unfamiliar with the beliefs of the Baha’i Faith, Baha’is believe in what is known as ‘progressive revelation’, which basically means that God sends His messages to society at different times in history through the teachings of ‘Messengers of God’, who are divinely inspired to pass those teachings on to the societies they live in. Therefore, Baha’is recognize the divine station of Jesus, who brought a message from God appropriate to the age and the society in which He appeared. The same goes for Buddha, Krishna, Moses, Mohammed, The Bab, and Baha’u’llah.”

Excerpts from http://www.bahaiblog.net

21 Ways to Keep Your Sanity for the Holidays

Oh my gosh!  I missed reposting my annual holiday post.  For those of you who already celebrated Chanukah you’ll have images-7to remember the tips for next year when I might forget to post them again.  For those of you who celebrate Christmas you have 4 days to follow the tips.  For the rest of you, you can ALWAYS follow the last two tips any time you run out of steam or time …
So! As I speak, time is running out. (Actually “time” doesn’t run out it since linear “time” is just a tiny mechanism in our brains that helps us keep our sanity).

Peace on Earth & Sanity to all my Friends!

Christmas:

  1. Instead of buying a tree watch your friends decorate (and take down) theirs
  2. Convert to Judaism
  3. Sit in the lobby of a 5-star hotel and enjoy EXPENSIVE decorations.
  4. Adopt a turkey, instead of eating one.
  5. Make dinner potluck, you supply the paper plates and plastic cutlery
  6. Christmas dinner – Start with dessert and forget the rest.
  7. Sit on the beach in Bali
  8. Go to bed on the 23rd and get up on the 3rd
  9. Only buy presents for Jesus.
  10. Put a cover on the outside chimney opening so you don’t have to put out cookies and milk.

Chanukah:

images-3-111. Watch your friends decorate (and take down) their Christmas tree.

12. Convert to Christianity

13. Stay in a 5-star hotel for 8 days and nights.

14. Use credit cards instead of gelt

15. Instead of gambling with a dreidle at home go to Vegasimages-1-1

16. Don’t give presents, do good deeds

17. Go to bed on Thanksgiving and wake up on Christmas

18. Bake a potato instead of grating them to death

19. Eat macaroons with Ben & Jerry

New Years:

20. Remember, you are in bed until the 3rd, unless you’re Jewish.

21. If you are Jewish, go back to bed.

Howl-a-long with Max, The last 6 Days of Christmas

http://Haiku-Heights.blogspot.com

Howl-a-long with me

It’s Christmas spirit you see

COOKIES under tree!

(To howl the whole song beginning with the First 6 Days of Christmas click here )
 
On the seventh day of Christmas my human gave to me
7 cookie treeeeets
Seven cookie treeeee’ats, 6“Go’od boys”, 5 fetch the balls , 4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub
 
On the eighth day of Christmas this is what I waaaa’ant
 8 coooooooooookie treeeets
AAAAAte cooookie treats, 7 cookie treeeee’ats, 6“Go’od boys”, 5  fetch the balls , 4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub

On the nineth day of Christmas this is what I waaaaaa’ant
 9 coooookie treats!
Ni’ine cookie treats, 8 cookie treats, 7 cookie treats, 6“Go’od boys”, 5 fetch the balls , 4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub!

On the tenth day of Christmas this is what I waaa’ant
10 cooooookie treeeets
Te’en cookie treats, 9 cookie treats, 8 cookie treats, 7  cookie treeeee’ats, 6″Go’od boys”, 5 fetch the balls . . ..  4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub

On the eleventh day of Christmas this is what I waaaaa’ant
11 cookie treeeeets
 Eleee’ven cookie treats, 10 cookie treats, 9 cookie treats, 8 cookie treats, 7  cookie treeeee’ats . . .
6″Go’od boys”, 5 fetch the balls , 4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub

On the twelth day of Christmas this is what I WANT!
12 Cookie treeeets
Twe’elve cookie treats, 11 cookie treats, 10 cookie treats, 9 cookie treats, 8 cookie treats, 7 cookie treeeee’ats, 6″Go’od boys”, 5 fetch the balls , 4 snuggles in bed, 3 scratches on my head, 2 tummy rubs and A baaa’ath in the tub!

  The END

Humph! About time

26 Easy Ways to Reduce Your Stress until New Year’s

Only 1 day till Thanksgiving, 27 days till Chanukah!  31 days till Christmas! 38 days till New Year’s!  Time is running out.  (Actually “time” doesn’t run out it since linear “time” is just a tiny mechanism in our brains that helps us keep our sanity).

Thanksgiving

Instead of having a traditional Thanksgiving meal loaded with high calorie, fat filled, sugar laden food shake things up and start a new tradition:  Here’s some possibilities:

1.  Serve only things that begin with the letter T (for Thanksgiving of course):

  • TWINKIES (for Maureen)
  • Taco
  • Tamales
  • Turnips
  • Tangerines
  • Turtle cheesecake
  • Toast
  • Tofu
  • Tuna fish
  • Trix cereal
  • Tabuli
  • Tiramisu
  • Tripe
  • Tostada
  • Tootsie rolls (for Wendy)
  • Truffles
  • Tortilla chips
  • Tempura
  • TURKEY!

2.  Go straight for the fat filled, sugar laden empty calories  – Start with desert and skip the rest.

3. Do not get together with anyone you’re related to so you can be honest about who and what you are thankful for.

4. Hold a cranberry stomp in a wine barrel and drink the juice.

5. Adopt a turkey, instead of eating one.

6.  Go to bed tonight and don’t get out until January 3, 2012

Christmas:

  1. Instead of buying  a tree watch your friends decorate (and take down) theirs
  2. Convert to Judaism
  3. Sit in the lobby of a 5-star hotel and enjoy EXPENSIVE decorations.
  4. Make dinner potluck, you supply the paper plates and plastic cutlery
  5. Christmas dinner – Start with dessert and forget the rest.
  6. Sit on the beach in Bali
  7. Go to bed on the 23rd and get up on the 3rd
  8. Only buy presents for Jesus.
  9. Put a cover on the outside chimney opening so you don’t have to put out cookies and milk.

Chanukah:

1. Watch your friends decorate (and take down) their Christmas tree.

2. Convert to Christianity

3. Stay in a 5-star hotel for 8 days and nights.

4. Use credit cards instead of gelt

5. Instead of gambling with a dreidle at home go to Vegas

6. Don’t give presents, do good deeds

7. Go to bed on Thanksgiving and wake up on Christmas

8. Bake a potato instead of grating them to death

9. Eat macaroons with Ben & Jerry

New Years:

1. Remember, you are in bed until the 3rd, unless you’re Jewish.

2. If you are Jewish, go back to bed.


God Bless, Peace on Earth & Sanity to all my Friends!

P.S.  I am Thankful for EVERYONE OF YOU!