Frankly Freddie: Self-Isolated Dog Owners are Healthier Hoofers

Did you know that a record number of animals are being adopted?  Yup, humans who are self-isolating are finally figuring out what it’s like for all us animals who are isolated in shelters.

I prefer to think the adoptions are about animals rather than humans feeling lonely.  

There are lots of reasons to adopt an animal.

1. In a study published in the journal BMC Public Health, dog owners on average walked 22 minutes more per day compared to people who didn’t own a dog.

The study found that the dog owners walked briskly and got their heart rates up. At times, their pace was about 3 miles per hour, which the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention considers moderate intensity.

I take my human out for a walk as often as I can.  She’s a bit delusional . . .  she thinks she’s walking me. So I constantly have to remind her that she needs to quit patting herself on the back and pat me.

We canines keep you humans healthy.  It’s a big job.

2. Other studies have shown that moderate-intensity walking is just as effective as running in lowering the risk of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, Type 2 diabetes and other conditions. And the more people walk, the more the health benefits increase, according to the American Heart Association.

(“The national physical activity guidelines call for 150 minutes a week of moderate-intensity exercise.”)

3.  If you look at studies on pet ownership, people who own pets seem to live longer than those who don’t own them. 

Get a life.  Adopt a dog . . . like me

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CHT

Certified Human Trainer

If you don’t believe me read this: Dog Owners Walk 22 minutes more per day 

If you want a kitty or bunny you can teach them to walk!  

If you don’t believe me Google it!

Frankly Freddie – How to be a Good Sport While Social Distancing

Sports fans are going bonkers since all the games are canceled or have no spectators.  Don’t go bonkers it’s not becoming, unless you are in a parking lot, eating hot dogs and drinking beer from the back of your pick-up truck.  Do these things instead:

  • Become an expert. Read up on your sport so that when your team starts playing again, you’ll have even greater insight into the game.
  • Show your team some love. Tweet them a positive message or send them a photo of you wearing team gear in solidarity.
  • Even better, support a charity that your favorite player loves. 
  • PLAY FETCH

  • Practice painting your face in the colors of your favorite team.  Keep your “art work” above the neck. Bare chests make you look like an “animal”.
  • Revisit an old game. You know the one – The game that made you fall in love with the sport.  If you have a subscription to a sport-specific streaming service, check if they have your favorite game. YouTube has clips of  large collection of games.
  • Play Keep-Away or Dodge Ball.  No yard?  Use balloons
  • Watch sports documentaries about games of the past and present.
  • Donate all your clothes that aren’t in the colors of your favorite team.
  • Pretend you’re an athlete and do calisthentics. (If you don’t know what calisthenitics are do jumping jacks).
  • PLAY FETCH
  • Go Bonkers!

 

Frankly Freddie – Social Distancing for the Cultured

Dear Freddie Fans,

Because I’m not allowed to go anywhere without a leash I KNOW how to cope.  This week I will share what you humans can do.  Since I’m Editor-in-Canine-Chief for several blogs I have a trove of posts to share with you.  

CULTURED: characterized by refined taste and manners and good education.
cultivatedartisticenlightenedcivilized, educated, well readwell informed, discerning, discriminating

sophisticatedurbaneintellectual, scholarly, erudite

If you are lacking in any of these here’s what you can do:

  • Download e-books and audiobooks and READ.
  • Create a virtual book club and video call each other to discuss.
  • Take a virtual museum tour. Many museums offer audio tours on your smart phone. The Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and the Guggenheim Museum are two that host online tours.
  • Explore overseas? Google Arts & Culture has a collection of virtual walk-throughs for dozens of international museums, from Paris to New Delhi.
  • Become a film critic.  Write a  review of the latest. Catch up recent Oscar winners and snubbed gems and share your thoughts on Facebook or Twitter. To exchange recommendations with your fellow cinephiles, join a site like Letterboxd, a social networking service for film geeks.
  • Learn a language — or just the basics. Learning a few phrases in another tongue will make you feel smart. 
  • Bolster your vocabulary. Remember when reading the dictionary was a form of punishment? No longer. Flip through a thesaurus or take online quizzes to test your vocabulary.

What “cultured” will look like after you do what I’ve told you.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/03/14/us/what-to-do-this-weekend-coronavirus-trnd/index.html

Frankly Freddie – The Untold Story of Little Red Riding Hood

After reading an original Little Red Riding Hood story (which I won’t link to as I do not condone violence nor death by consumption). I have to exonerate the Wolf who has gotten a bad rap because I know about “wild life” and wolves are no exception:

  • Wolves do not eat people whole like boa constrictors. (They have better manners and teeth.)
  • Wolves never eat little girls because they prefer meat well-done and chewy.  (Grandma’s might qualify.)
  • If they did eat little girls they would never eat one wearing a red cape.  (They are environmentalists and prefer green.)
  • And lastly . . . Wolves NEVER dine alone. (They live in packs and have communal dining halls.)

Warning!  Do NOT read the original.  It’s filled with violence and death.

The REAL Story of Little Red Riding Hood

by Freddie Parker Westerfield, published author

Once upon a time in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf. How he became an orphan is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.  All the tales simply begin: Once upon a time, in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf.

Never having been around others of his own kind he didn’t know what big teeth he had. He didn’t know what big eyes he had. He didn’t know what a long tail he had. He didn’t know how hairy he was. He didn’t know how scary he was. All he knew was that he was alone in a big, big forest filled with creatures that ran away as soon as he approached.

Day by day, so the birds wouldn’t fly away, he sat far, far below the tree tops listening to them sing to each other from high above.

He watched from far, far away the forest creatures playing so they wouldn’t leap out of his sight.

He snuck peaks at all the critters sharing their meals from behind a bush so they wouldn’t know he was there.

Every morn he dined out for breakfast, alone. Every eve he dined out for super, alone. Every night he settled down to sleep, alone.

One day the little orphan wolf decided to set out from his forest home to find someone, somewhere, to be his friend.

Along the way he came upon a little girl. She had a little curl and wore a red cape and hood. Why she wore a red cape and hood is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.

Because she was so young she didn’t know how scary the orphan wolf was and asked.

“Where are you going Mr. Wolf”?

“I’m off to find a friend so that I am not alone. I’m off to find a friend to dine with. I am looking for a friend to play with and most of all I want a friend to talk with. I am very lonely.”

The little girl, feeling sorry for the little orphan wolf, said, “Do come with me to Grandma’s house. She makes delicious muffins from berries I pick in the forest. She sits at the table and listens to me talk. Grandma loves all of God’s creatures. Although she can’t be your grandma, perhaps she can be your friend”

“I don’t know what a Grandma is,” replied the little orphan wolf, “but she sounds exactly like the friend I’m looking for.”

And so the little orphan wolf set off with the little girl with a curl, wearing a red cape and hood to Grandma’s house.

They passed by a giant berry bush.“Stop here to pick berries for the delicious muffins Grandma makes.” They picked bushels of berries and carried them in the little girls red cape and hood.

They passed by a field of flowers.“Stop here to pick flowers for Grandma to put on the table where we sit and she listens to me talk.”They picked bouquets of flowers and carried them in the little girls red cape and hood.

They passed a bubbling brook where cool waters ran.Stop here for a drink to refresh ourselves after all our work picking berries and flowers.” They drank from the bubbling brook and rested on the little girl’s red cape and hood so as not to get dirty.

As they passed over the crest of a hill the little girl cried, “There’s Grandma’s house. Let’s see if she will be your friend.”

Grandma greeted the little girl, the little orphan wolf peeking out from behind not sure what a grandma was, with a big smile, the biggest smile the little orphan wolf had ever seen.

The little girl announced, “Grandma, I’ve brought you berries so you can make delicious muffins. I’ve brought you flowers to put on the table where we sit and you listen to me talk. I’ve brought you a little orphan wolf who is lonely and looking for a friend”

Now, the little orphan wolf’s eyes grew big, having never seen a Grandma before. Not knowing what to do he opened his big mouth, showed his big teeth and wagged his bushy tail.

“My! What big teeth you have”, gasped grandma. The better to protect you with”replied the wolf.

“My! What big eyes you have”marveled Grandma. “The better to lovingly look up at you with”, replied the wolf.

My! What a bushy tail you have”, exclaimed Grandma. “The better to wag with happiness,” replied the wolf.

“My! How hairy you are”, said Grandma. “The Better to cuddle and keep you warm,said the wolf.

“My oh my”, Grandma sighed. “You may stay with me. I’ll feed you delicious muffin treats, and you can sit and listen to me while I talk”.

“And because you are one of God’s creatures I will call you D-o-g.”

Where upon he looked up at Grandma with big eyes, opened his big wolf mouth, showed his big wolf teeth, wagged his bushy wolf tail, stuck out his wet wolf tongue and gave Grandma an appreciative lick.

He had found his friend.

The End

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

PLEASE share this with everyone you know

to help clear the wolf’s reputation.

Soon to be a children’s book! Watch this blog for the premier international publication date! You may be able to get an advanced FREE PDF if you’d give a review. And/or treats. Treats preferred.

LLLL,  Freddie

Frankly Freddie’s early Valentine Greeting

Roses are red
violets are blue
sugar is sweet
but I wouldn’t know

So send me treats

I can eats

bananas, apples and meats

Every year I protest that I’m the only one who doesn’t get to eat chocolate. I’m told that if I eat chocolate I could die but I suspect that is my human’s ploy to keep it all to herself. When I want a cookie she says sugar causes inflammation. She said she read it on the internet but it undoubtedly is an Urban Myth.

Get your Sweetie a USEFUL Valentine!

Click here!  https://CURIOUStotheMAX Zazzle Store

 

Valentine’s Day collection

Frankly Freddie – Guide to World Peace & Goodwill toward All

My 5 simple rules EVERYONE should follow for Peece on Earth

and Goodwill toward Man

  1. Instead of raising arms, raise your leg. No one ever dies from a squirt of pee.
  2. Never bark at strangers, greet everyone with a friendly sniff . . . below their belt.
  3. Raise your tail, not your flag.
  4. Rolling over is not a sign of defeat, it’s an invitation for a belly rub.
  5. Don’t wait for others to scratch your back, give love.

DSCN6116

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Wishing you a life of treats, back rubs and bowls of plenty.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Canine Dog Therapist, RET.

“It is not for him to pride himself who loveth his own country, but rather for him who loveth the whole world.

The earth is but one country, and mankind its citizens.”

 Baha’i World Faith

 See also: The Hope for Peace and a Prayer.

 

Frankly Freddie – Dogs of No Blogs, Day 2-1/2

Dear Freddie Fans,

Doggone Good Dogs* Buddy and Cookie Klenner

Alas, neither owns a blog. 

They must ask their human why they are being deprived of having a public forum.

Can you tell which one is Buddy and which one is Cookie?

Freddie’s Dogs of Blogs Posts:

https://wp.me/pLGhj-aT0Day 22

Doggone Well Done Dogs – Day 1

Freddie to the Human rescue

Dogs of Blogs – Day 2-1/2

 

*What’s a “Doggone Good Dog”?

  • She or HE has weathered years of human’s life experience.
  • She or HE has navigated changes – whether by choice, chance or necessity – and continues to adapt to human idiosyncrasy.
  • She or HE contributes to the world by caring for humans, both female and male.
  • She or HE is curious and open to having new tasting experiences.

Frankly,  Freddie

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

 Jessica SORTING LIFE’S ISSUES WITH JESS. 

She is hosting Dogs of Blogs, of which I am one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

model

Frankly Freddie, to the Human Rescue – Dogs of Blogs, Day 22

Dear Freddie Fans,

My human editors P&J have been derelict in their assignment to post a dog-a-day for the Dogs of Blogs*.  Being ever the resourceful roving reporter I am helping them getting a leg-up in their well-intentioned endeavor . . .  22 days worth of dogs.

The Sarasota Dog Walkers walk large squads of dogs during their midday pack program. At the end of each walk, a group photo is taken.

Not Freddie

*Jessica SORTING LIFE’S ISSUES WITH JESS.  She is hosting Dogs of Blogs

Freddie’s Dogs of Blogs Posts:

Dogs of Blogs – Day 2-1/2

Doggone Well Done Dogs – Day 1

Dogs of Blogs, Frankly Freddie – Doggone Well Done Dogs

Dear Freddie Fans,

Peggy & Judy (who I shall refer to as P&J to minimize typing paw pressure) just started a series called Well Done Women.  I have no problem  recognizing women . . . but it is a bit sexist of them to exclude males, of which I am one.  This post hopefully will remedy P&J’s over-sight, not to mention their reputation.

What’s a “Doggone Well Done Dog”?

  • She or HE has weathered years of human’s life experience.
  • She or HE has navigated changes – whether by choice, chance or necessity – and continues to adapt to human idiosyncrasy.
  • She or HE contributes to the world by caring for humans, both female and male.
  • She or HE is curious and open to having new tasting experiences.

My first DOGGONE WELL DONE DOG is Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT, RET. (Certified Canine Therapist)

After spending decades (in dog-years) as a psychotherapist in private practice, Freddie has not rested in retirement. He is a  Certified Human Trainer, Editor-in-Cainine for Freddie’s KNEWSletter, intrepid roving reporter and columnist for MAXyourMIND & CURIOUStotheMAX.

Here is one of Freddie’s intrepid reporter posts which reflects his unflagging attempts to help humans.  To read it in its entirety  click on the title:

Frankly Freddie – SIT!

I’m a sit expert and here to teach you how to stop sitting like a nut (literally and probably figuratively) . . . a cashew nut, and sit like me.

My human authority is Naomi Khan who knows what she’s talking about cuz she’s a spine surgeon.  She told me that most humans tend to round out their backs when they sit.  When your spine is in an improper position you’ll tend to have more back problems.  Listen to me!

Sitting like a cashew nut can damage the disks in your spine that act like little shock absorbers. This can cause the disks to degenerate, or for one side to bulge.  It can push against nerves, causing pain, or even rupture.  Ouch!

You can protect your disks by straightening the cashew.

Butt out!

Jean Sherer (another of my authorities) says your culture focuses on trying to stick out your chest (which might make you think you’re important) but doesn’t help your back.  Stop sticking your chest out and change the position of your pelvis, or butt.

“Sit up straight,” doesn’t mean to stick your chest out. Instead, stick your “tail” out, like me.

Proper sitting, head up, tail out.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, S.E.E.

Sit Expert Extraordinaire

DOGGONE WELL DONE, FREDDIE, DOGGONE WELL DONE

P.S. I found an equal-opportunity,  non-discriminating blogger, Jessica SORTING LIFE’S ISSUES WITH JESS. 

She is hosting Dogs of Blogs, of which I am one.

FPW

Freddie’s Dogs of Blogs Posts:

Dogs of Blogs – Day 2-1/2

Doggone Well Done Dogs – Day 1

Frankly Freddie – Here a nip, there a nip, everywhere a nip nip

View image on Twitter

 “Not all cats are affected by catnip. According to Cat Behavior Associates, the “catnip response” is hereditary, and one-third of all cats lack the gene that enables them to feel the high. Even a cat who does have the gene won’t be affected by catnip until they’re at least six months old.”

Catnip definitely won’t get you humans high (don’t even think about it . . . ), and don’t give your kitty a catnip treat for working so hard at protecting you in the bathroom and bringing you presents of mice and birds (we canines would never bring you vermin).

Peggy & judy want to help you find your mellow but if it drives you wild with desire for more CATNIP I won’t be pleased.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, B.E.

Blogger Extraordinaire

*CATNIPblog was inspired by and is dedicated to Peggy’s cat Maui who lived to prove the brain can be rewired and healing is possible.

Maui’s Healing Tale

Frankly Freddie, Flash Fiction

Since my human judy fractured her ankle all she does is sit around moaning and nothing I do can get her outside.  So I take my Peggy for walks every day where we are inspired by nature which in turn inspires my creative writing endeavors.

P.S. Some of this story is auto-biographical but names have been eliminated so I don’t get sued.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree.(I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old.Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling.  Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground.  The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town.  Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.

One day, after years of being claimed,the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog  who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

The tree, ever alert for impending indignities, spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching.   Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words.  So it picked up its roots and walked away.

The end of my tail

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDN Canine Dog Novelist

There’s a new post on Forest Bathing.  Please tell judy she won’t need to take off her clothes or use soap or water. She can wear her big boot that protects her ankle and I’ll help her meander.

If you want to know what I’m talking about click here: FOREST BATHING 

Frankly Freddie – How Long was she Contagious?

Dear Human-beings and other fans,

My human is finally feeling more normal . . . as least for her as I’ve never been completely convinced she was “normal” to begin with.  The virus that took up residence in her body at end of December lasted for a month . . . and  then triggered  fibromyalgia symptoms.  

The good news was Canines don’t catch human virus.

The bad news was nothing I could do would persuade her to let me take her for walks.

For all my fans I found this very short video that explains some disconcerting flu facts . . . for humans

Skunk Bear YouTube

The CDC says she was contagious one day before she started feeling sick and up to seven days after. If you’re a kid, elderly, or have a weak immune system, you can be contagious for even longer.

She’s no kid but she is elderly and has a weak immune system so for all I know she’s still contagious.  When I take her on walks I’ll keep her on a short leash.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDH&WC

Canine Dog Health & Wellness Consultant

P.S.  It’s National Love Your Pet Day!  Take a look at my post – click here: Frankly Freddie, National Love Your Pet Day

Frankly Freddie – Valentine’s Day Pome

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I’m not allowed chocolate

Valentine’s day . . .  pooh

The only good thing about Valentine’s day is the candy and I never get any.  I sit alone, no valentines, no candy, no romance.  The only thing I get is dog food.

If you are sitting home alone on Valentine’s day with dog food you are not alone.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Poet

___________________________________________________

Find out how:

Sugar Increases the “happiness” neurotransmitter serotonin.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published PoetSaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

Frankly Freddie – Halloween Orange Alert

To all Human-beings:  It’s time for my Halloween ORANGE-ALERT.

 This Halloween

Don’t be mean!

Don’t you dare

make others stare

Dressing up

your precious pup

Please be fair!

just let us wear

our own hair.

Example of suspicious clothing

 To All my Canine Cousins:

Be on the look-out for your human coming back from the store with suspicious articles of clothing and paraphernalia that is NOT THEIR color, style or size.  If they start sweet-talking you or offering you treats RUN for your life & HIDE.

Example of humiliation.

No matter how many times I HAVE TOLD HUMANS not to humiliate us because they want to be amused it happens every year.  I prefer to think that Humans just aren’t very smart and have no memory retention beyond a few hours rather than the possibility they are simply insensitive creatures with no regard for our feelings.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, PIC&C

Protector of Innocent Creatures & Critters

and Kittys & Witches

 

Frankly Freddie – My new fan club president

Dear Freddie Fans,

Those of you who follow CURIOUS to the Max do not know about my continuing frustration with Peggy & Judy and CATNIPblog.  A case in point:

https://catnipblog.com/2017/08/12/frankly-freddie-go-bonkers/

So it is with delight that my fans are beginning to speak up and let Peggy & Judy know

that without me they and their “cats” would be up a tree.

My # 1 fan (at the present) is JOYCE K.*  She alone has deluged CATNIPblog with cries for MORE FREDDIE!  As a reward I have made her PRESIDENT.

Lick’n Good

Dear Joyce K., Newly Elected Freddie Fan Club President, Stellar human-being and Sender of treats.

I received your payment of one bag of Doggie Treats to join the Freddie Fan Club. The are quite tasty.  Thank you.  I have nominated you for president and duly elected you to that coveted office.  Your official duties are as follows:

  • Increase Freddie Fan Club membership to 100.  Prospective members should pay  a bag of doggie treats directly to you.  You will keep track of the inventory and disburse doggie treats on a regular basis (to be determined based on membership payments) to Freddie Parker Westerfield, object of all fans’ adoration.
  • Neatly frame and display my autographed picture for all the world to see.
  • Find recipes for doggie treats that are tasty.
  • Make the recipes for doggie treats every month and send them to Freddie Parker Westerfield, home-made doggie treat connoisseur.
  • Other duties to be determined, as needed, warranted or wanted by Freddie.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT RET.

*Joyce is currently owned by several Canine Dogs.  Her newest owner COOKIE Dog is probably my cousin.  Joyce, please run DNA test.

Cookie K.

 

 

 

Frankly Freddie – Dog Owners are Healthier Hoofers

Dear Subscribers human or otherwise,

My Human has been very lax lately not posting on this MY FAVORITE BLOG but focusing her attention on CATNIPblog which we all know is dedicated to the wrong species.  
She has been a bit under the weather and using that for an excuse not to go to art classes, not to clean her office, not to eat properly, not to do anything she doesn’t want to do.  HUMANS!  I constantly have to remind her it’s time for treats and take her on walks.

My last CATNIPblog post was such an important one that I am referencing it here so all of you who do not have a canine to take care of you will go out and adopt one quickly.

Here’s an excerpt from my post and the salient information:

I take my human out for a walk as often as I can.  She’s a bit delusional . . .  she thinks she’s walking me.  So I constantly have to find proof that she needs to quit patting herself on the back and pat me.

“In a study published in the journal BMC Public Health, dog owners on average walked 22 minutes more per day compared to people who didn’t own a dog.”

“If you look at studies on pet ownership, people who own pets seem to live longer than those who don’t own them,” . . .  

Get a life.  Get a dog . . . like me

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CHT

Certified Human Trainer

If you don’t believe me read this: Dog Owners Walk 22 minutes more per day 

or this: FRANKLY FREDDIE

Frankly Freddie – CATNIP coming to a computer near you!

Thank you for all your responses to my survey.  I got treats for being supportive.

Peggy and my human are excited to launch their new blog CATNIP

I’m getting excited too cuz I’m being supportive and will get treats for my contest.

catnip-logo-2

I keep asking them Why on earth name the new blog CATNIP and not FREDDIE?

According to humans, catnip makes you mellow. (What they don’t know is it drives cats wild with desire.) Peggy & Judy want to help you find your mellow but if it drives you wild with desire for more CATNIP they’ll be pleased.

Peggy and my human each worked for over 210 dog years as Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists.   That’s a lot of years.  They decided to share what they’ve learned and the tools they’ve taught rather than have all their stuff blindly dumped into a shredder after they’re gone.  

So . . .  continuing to be supportive . . .  I’m sponsoring a contest to help them be successful bloggers, like me. 

Everyone who subscribes to

CATNIP

  by Saturday, March 18, 2017 will be entered into a drawing and I, Freddie the supportive one, will send the winners a WONDERFUL prize.

Click here to enter!!  http://CATNIPblog.com 

PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to CATNIP so Peggy and my human don’t think I’ve sabotaged them (as retired psychotherapists they are sometimes a bit paranoid).

It’s easy – just enter your e-mail address in the subscribe box at the top right hand corner of the CATNIPBLOG site.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT RET

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Certified Canine Therapist, RET

P.S. I made them promise to have fun doing CATNIP.  I know them . . . if it isn’t fun they won’t do it.  So if you pay attention you’ll see some of their original drawings, stories, poems sneak on cat feet into the CATNIPblog.

 P.P.S.S. Neither Peggy nor my human are very smart when it comes to technical stuff. Ronna Skinner, graphic designer extraordinaire (not to mention Peggy’s cousin-in-law) helped get the cats Peggy drew, safely perched onto the letters where they can play with “CATNIP”  to their hearts content (and not bother me)

Ronna

Ronna

Children’s Pome for Adults – the REAL night before Christmas

Dear human-beings,

Besides being soft and cuddly a mission of mine is to bring poetry to the masses, of which you are some.   And I am here to bring you the truth . . . even though it might hurt.

Santa was frantic at the North Pole

Finances in the red, he was in the hole

Mrs Claus couldn’t afford sugar

For her cookies sublime

Dear old hubby didn’t have a dime

231739-royalty-free-rf-clipart-illustration-of-santa-freaking-out-poster-art-print

North Pole employment had exploded

and Santa’s credit had eroded

He’d spent his last cent on black Friday deals

and turkey with the trimmings for thanksgiving meals

imgres

The night before Christmas he no longer had clout

When all the elves threatened a walk-out

Elf-union held all the chips

As evidenced by the grin on all the elf lips

For every elf in all the land

Had won a pay deal without tipping their hand:

Double pay all December

a free thanksgiving meal in November

Finally fringe benefits for elves was real

For Santa and the Mrs, there was no appeal

Santa had bitten his nails to the quick

Both right and left eyes developed a tic

All Santa could do was self medicate

So he stuffed his mouth from the cookie plate santa-claus-being-drunk-holding-beer-33377069

And downed all the rum from a hot toddy cup

his blood pressure sky-high, went up and up

His big fat belly shook like a bowl full of lead

While visions of bankruptcy danced in his head

So all you children and adults too

Have compassion and learn to make due  

STOP asking for presents and things you don’t need

YOU must now take heed.

It’s no time for greed

If you want Santa another Christmas to live

to every red-kettle-bell-ringer

Dig in your pocket and GIVE.

Poetically yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Frankly Freddie – Dog Days of Summer

My human has been laying around the house all week.  You’ve probably noticed she’s not been commenting on her blog or responding to e-mails.  She overdid it at her last workshop and has been dog-tired ever since.  

Humans are cute, not very smart and take a lot of patience on our part.  Just when I think she’s trained she gets loose and I have no idea where she goes or what she gets into.  All I know is she comes limping home. 

unnamed-1

Picture by Rona H.

She looks a bit dog-eared.

Usually she can pick up the scent and find her way back but if you see her loose on the street don’t call human-control, just bring her home in time for my dinner.

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Certified Canine Therapist, RET

Frankly Freddie

Dear Linda B.,

Thank you for sending me a video of Jumpy the dog.  All us canines can do all this, we just don’t want to.   We prefer to conserve our energy for healing rather than performing. 

Sincerely yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, RET.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Frankly Freddie (parenthetically speaking)

Dear Human Beings,

Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, believe everything you read.   This article is a case in point:

New research shows why dogs don’t like hugs.

Staff writers

“PET owners beware — new research has revealed that dogs don’t like hugs from their owners, which can make them (the owners?) more stressed out.”
“According to new research published in Psychology Today, Stanley Coren from the University of British Columbia, said dogs respond differently to humans who seek comfort from hugging others.”
“Coren, who studies canine behaviour, analysed a random sample of 250 pictures of humans hugging their dogs that he could find online through Flickr and a Google image search.” (skewed data – he left out Pintrest and Instagram where the animal pictures are more photogenic)
“In using photos where the dog’s face was easily seen, he looked whether the dog appeared to be anxious or distressed, relaxed, or showed a neutral response to being hugged.”
“He found that around 82 per cent of the photographs showed “unhappy dogs” receiving hugs from their owners or children.”

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

He said that dogs show signs of distress when they bare their teeth (called a smile when humans do it), turn their heads away from something ( just being bored and looking around), or they partially close their eyes (doesn’t everyone close their eyes when ecstatic?).
Another sign of anxiety is when a dog’s ears are lowered or “slicked against the side of his head”. (Stanley, it’s just our coiffure)
He also said that licking lips or licking a person’s face can also be a sign of anxiety, like yawning or raising a paw. (I lick when it’s tasty)
Coren said the fact that dogs don’t like being hugged can be explained by their behavioural nature.

As “cursorial animals”, (cursorial?  I swear I never curse) they are designed for swift running. When stressed, a dog’s first instinct is to run away.
It is believed that when they are restricted from moving with a hug, it can increase a dog’s stress level and potentially cause them to bite their owners. (or bite researchers)

It’s not the hugs that stressed the dogs out it was having their pictures taken WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT to be displayed for all the world to see.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Pulblished Poet

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Blogger

So hug away you human-beings and always follow-up with a treat for us dogs (you got your treat with the hug)

Frankly yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET, CDB

Canine Dog Therapist, Retired and Certified Dog Blogger

 

Frankly Freddie – I found a cure for my human!!!

My Dear Human Beings and other critters,

My human has been too tired to go on walks.  All she wants to do is sit around and I’m getting bored keeping her distracted by petting me.  She blames Fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue but I’ve long suspected that she just needs a new career that is exciting.  I found the perfect cure – FOR EVERYTHING THAT AILS HER .

11796206_835121679964536_7560255879812816373_n

The CURE

There’s a woman in England who  (instead of moping around like my human being)  got a pair of feathered fans to do a routine in a bar that was holding a cabaret night.

She said: “It was nerve-wracking but exciting . . .  I felt alive. . . . Even though she’s not completely cured, her chronic fatigue only flares up every two or three months – lasting at most for a couple of days. “

She’s got big plans for the future . . . She said: “I have signed up with the alternative model agency Ugly, in London and hope to start appearing in magazines and adverts.”  (I didn’t tell my human being about “Ugly” because I’m not sure what kind of magazines and adverts want “ugly” . . . )

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

My human thinks all this is just a ploy to get her to take me on walks.  I told her if she didn’t believe me to read this:  

Woman Bedridden With Depression And Fatigue Turns Her Life Around With Burlesque Dancing

 

 

Frankly Freddie, How to Break Your Cell-phone Habit

You can get a collar at your local veterinarian. If you need a canine to get you an appointment I’m available for hire.

unnamed-3

 

Frankly,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT, RET

P.S.  If you have withdrawal symptoms try doggie chews.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Thanks Sharon M.!!!!!!!

Freddie’s Flash Fiction – The Tree

Dear Human-beings and other creatures, Those of you who follow my posts know how frank and fundamentally illuminating they are (not to mention how fantastically informative about the human condition).   This post is no exception as my story The Tree has an important lesson for all to heed.

Here is my first (and possibly only) draft of the story.  Those of you who appreciate and are knowledgable about this genre your “critique” would be appreciated before I am sought out by publishers.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Published Author

 Freddie’s Flash Fiction

The Tree

By Freddie Parker Westerfield

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree. (I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old) Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling.  Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground.  The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town.  Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.

One day, after years of being claimed, the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog  who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.  

The tree, ever alert for impending indignities,  spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching.   Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words.  So it picked up its roots and walked away.

The end of my tail

The End

Frankly & Faithfully yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Canine Dog Therapist RET, Author

Read my last published work: The Real Tail of Little Red Riding Hood

 

Frankly Freddie – Therapeutic Advice

Dear Miss Ruby, Canine Dog Therapist,

As an experienced CDT here’s some basic guidelines for your new career.

Miss Ruby Maer, CDT

Miss Ruby Maer, CDT

  1. Always have kleenex ready.  It’s tax-deductible.
  2. Do not take insurance.  Make sure that your clients understand you take only “out-of-pocket” doggie-cookies, no deferred insurance payment.  Insurance takes too long to reimburse and will discount the amount of cookies you are entitled to.
  3. When your clients are angry or unduly upset get under a table until the storm blows over.  In extreme cases you might have to jump on your human-being’s lap to protect her because she doesn’t have enough instinct to duck ‘n cover.
  4. Show, don’t tell.  Most therapist spend all their time talking – blah, blah, blah.  After awhile clients just tune them out.  You must demonstrate these time-tested psychotherapeutic techniques to help humans develop healthy behavioral coping skills:
  • Shake it off.  Not everything needs examining or even understanding.
  • Roll over.  “Turn the other cheek” in human-lingo.
  • Play dead when others are threatening, demanding or unreasonable.
  • Beg for forgiveness if you’ve done something hurtful.
  • Stare to get attention.  Don’t make a fuss as it takes too much energy.
  • Sleep a lot in order to think clearly and make healthy choices.
  • Play. Don’t take life seriously as that takes MUCH too much energy.

Should you need further guidance send a check payable to Freddie Parker Westerfield and then call me.

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

P.S.  I don’t take insurance and no longer take payment in dog-cookies as I prefer to buy my own.

Me, exhausted after trying to teach my HumanBeing to roll over

Me, exhausted after trying to teach my HumanBeing to roll over

 

Frankly Freddie, The REAL Tail of Little Red Riding Hood

Warning!  Do NOT read the story of Little Red Riding hood that has been circulating. It’s filled with violence and death. 

The Real (& Untold Story) of Little Red Riding Hood

Dedicated to all adoptees, whether two or four-legged.

by Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield

Freddie Parker Westerfield, Author

     Once upon a time in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf. How he became an orphan is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.

     The tale simply begins: Abandoned and never having been around others of his own kind the little orphan wolf didn’t know what sharp teeth he had. He didn’t know what big eyes he had. He didn’t know what a bushy tail he had. He didn’t know how hairy he was. He didn’t know how scary he was. All he knew was that he was alone in a big forest filled with creatures and critters that ran away from him as soon as he approached.

     So the little orphan wolf covered himself with branches and leaves to listen to the birds sing to each other in the trees.

     He laid in tall grass to watch the squirrels play so they wouldn’t leap out of his sight.

     He hid behind bushes to sneak peaks at the deer eating their meals.

     But every day, all day, he was alone: every morning he ate by himself; every evening he played by himself; every night he settled down to sleep, alone.

     One day the little orphan wolf decided to set out from his forest home to find someone, somewhere, to be his friend.

     Along the way he came upon a little girl. She had a yellow curl and wore a red cape and hood. Why she wore a red cape and hood is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.

     Because she was young, and bigger than the little orphan wolf she wasn’t scared, she didn’t run away, she stopped and asked: “Where are you going Mr. Wolf?”

     “I’m off to find a friend so that I am not alone. I’m off to find a friend to share my meals with. I am off to find a friend to play with and most of all I off to find a friend to talk with. I am very lonely.”

     The little girl with the yellow curl wearing the red cape and hood, feeling sorry for the little orphan wolf, said, “Come with me to Grandma’s house. She makes delicious muffins with the berries I pick in the forest. She sits at the table while I eat the muffins and listens to me talk. Grandma loves all of God’s creatures. She can’t be your grandma, but maybe she can be your friend.”

     “I don’t know what a Grandma is,” replied the little orphan wolf, “but she sounds exactly like the friend I’m looking for.”

     And so the little orphan wolf set off with the little girl with a curl who wore a red cape and hood to Grandma’s house.

     They passed by a giant berry bush. “Stop here to pick berries for the delicious muffins Grandma makes,” said the little girl. They picked only the very ripest berries and carefully carried them in the pockets of the red cape.

     They passed by a field of flowers. “Stop here to pick flowers for Grandma to put on the table where we sit and she listens to me talk,” explained the little girl. They picked a bouquet of blue and pink flowers and carefully wrapped them in the red hood.

     They passed a bubbling brook where cool waters ran. “Let’s stop here for a drink to refresh ourselves after all our work picking berries and flowers,” suggested the little girl. They drank from the bubbling brook and carefully rested on the red cape so as not to crush the berries or smash the flowers.

     As they walked over the crest of a hill the little girl pointed and exclaimed, “Look! There’s Grandma’s house. Let’s see if she will be your friend.”

     The little orphan wolf peeked out from behind the red cape not sure what a grandma was. His eyes grew bigger and bigger as he watched Grandma greet the little girl with a big hug and the biggest, most wonderful smile, neither of which he had ever seen before.

     The little girl announced, “Grandma, I’ve brought you berries so you can make me delicious muffins. I’ve brought you flowers to put on the table where we sit and you listen to me talk. I’ve brought you a little orphan wolf who is lonely and looking for a friend”

     Never having met a grandma before and not knowing how to greet one the little orphan wolf opened his mouth, showed his sharp teeth and wagged his bushy tail.

     “My! What sharp white teeth you have”, gasped grandma. “The better to protect you with” replied the little orphan wolf.

      “My! What big brown eyes you have,” marveled Grandma. “The better to lovingly look up at you with”, replied the little orphan wolf.

     “My! What a bushy tail you have,” exclaimed Grandma. “The better to wag at you with happiness,” replied the little orphan wolf.

     “My! How fluffy your hair is,” declared Grandma. “The better to cuddle with and keep you warm,said the little orphan wolf.

     “Oh my goodness”, sighed Grandma. “I will be your friend and feed you delicious berry treats, while you sit and listen to me.”

      “And because you are one of God’s creatures I will call you FREDDIE.”

     Where upon the little orphan wolf looked up at Grandma with big eyes, wagged his bushy tail, stuck out his wet tongue and gave Grandma an appreciative lick.

     He had found his friend.

And so ends my tail

The End of the Tale

 

Frankly Freddie – Eat, Pee and Play

My Human-being  always had very thoughtful clients (the others fired her when they figured out she doesn’t do well with people who aren’t nice).

Margo, who is very nice and extremely wise, hand-made this retirement present for my Human-being.

You’ll see why Margo is so wise when you read what she put on the back cover.

DSCN6231
Front Cover 

DSCN6226 DSCN6228 DSCN6227

DSCN6229

Back Cover
Back Cover

I make my human-being read it everyday and take her own advice.  

You should read it too, particularly about how to handle stress.

Frankly yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Canine Dog Therapist, Retired

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET

 

Frankly Freddie – A treat for you

My Human-being says she’s “under the weather”.  “What does that mean”? I asked her.  “Under the table, under the blanket I understand.  Weather?  We don’t have a lot of weather in Southern California”.  She says it means she’s too tired and achy to post and I have to do it so the blog subscribers keep reading . .  .

So, for ideas I read Mama Cormier’s blog called Mama Cormier and Mama follows the blog Share Your World and Mama answers questions from the blog she follows and I like Mama and how she is so honest when she answers the questions so I thought I’d answer the questions too so you get to know me better . . .  and keep reading.

DSCN4114

Here are the question ( . . . they don’t make any more sense to me then being “under the weather”):

  1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?  Why would I want a guest for dinner. I prefer to dine alone.
  2. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?  I don’t sing.  I sniff.
  3. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?  Be able to open the refrigerator.
  4. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?  Doggie treats and the frequency they are given out.
  5. What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? Doggie treats. Ditto.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CB

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CB

Honestly yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CB

Certified Blogger

Frankly Freddie – Top 10 cutest animals in science for 2014

Dear Human-beings,

It’s never to early to plan ahead.  I’m thinking to qualify for the Top 10 Cutest Animals in Science for 2015.  I just have to figure out the science part.  Any ideas?

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CA

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CA Cute Animal
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CA
Cute Animal

Frankly Freddie (Parenthetically Speaking) Cody

Dear Gloria Human-Being,

 You wrote me about your owner Cody and I will try to help you understand him to improve your relationship.

  • “Cody rarely barks except when he thinks I (Gloria) am too slow in answering the front door or taking him for walks”.  (All humans are too slow because they insist on getting about on only two limbs).
  • “He thinks everyone that comes over, came over to see him”. (Gloria Human-Being, don’t be so sure that’s not true)
  • Cody
    Cody Brookins
  • “He has a doggie door but if he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, (If he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, he’s NOT getting enough attention) he goes out his door and comes around to the family room door and barks to let me know he’s out there.” (how else is he going to let you know he’s out there? . . . make sure Cody carries his smart phone so he can text message you)
  • When the doggie door is closed and has to potty, he finds me in the house and scratches my leg a couple of times to let me know he’s there”. (Gloria Human-being, of course he scratches your leg.  Bend down so he can reach your shoulder)
  • “He’ll scratch my leg like that for attention if I’m in the office, to let me know the timer is buzzing when I’m watering my trees”. (We doggies are very conscious of conserving our natural resources – especially since water is the only one we are allowed to drink)
  • Cody
    Cody, full “blown” Westie
  • “If you’re eating something, he will look at you with his ears perked up, but you tell him it’s “mine” his ears drop and walks away.  (Gloria Human-being, you must learn to be more generous and share). Although if someone feeds him a snack he may stick around for more.  I try to tell my friends to give him carrots or dog treats only.” (Is that what you feed your friends – carrots or dog treats?)
  • “Cody has been a treasure to have as he and I are buddies.  He loves going to grandma’s house as he usually gets a piece of chicken or meat to taste”. (Grandma rocks!  I would like to have her for my Grandma.  Please ask her.)

Sincerely yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist and Animal Behaviorist

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT Animal Behaviorist

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT
Animal Behaviorist

Cody

Cody, contemplating how to better train his Human-Being.

Frankly Freddie, Discerningly Yours

Dear Human Beings,

I’ve been very busy bringing solace, comfort and smiles to my clients and my human being.   Solace, comfort and smile bringing is time-consuming, you know, so I’ve not had time to blog.  Yesterday I received a very nice surprise in my comments from Mr Suchled which inspired me. (I hope I may call you Suchled as I can’t find any other name on your blog Scattered Words)

Mr Suchled, Thank you for the poem you wrote JUST FOR ME.   I wrote a poem JUST FOR YOU too.

*        *        *

Fred was a mongrel puppy
When first I him did spy
A mangy frightened poodle cross
A cast in his left eye.
But as the years unfolded
His silky pelt revealed
A dog of great discernment
My broken heart he healed.

by Mr Suchled

*        *        *

Reading, writing and . . .  resting

Reading, writing and . . . resting with discernment

Humans are the best

Mr Suchled, you stand above the rest

Your poem can’t be beat

(but doggie cookies are a better treat)

by Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist

Frankly Freddie – Do We Dogs Feel Shame?

Caught mid-bath, a wet dog tries to save the last bit of dignity he has. (© Sophie Gamand, 2014 Sony World Photography Awards)

Another example of a human being WRONG about what we are thinking: “Caught mid-bath, a wet dog tries to save the last bit of dignity he has. (© Sophie Gamand, 2014 Sony World Photography Awards)”

Dear all mislead, clue-less human-beings,

You need to read this article:

Dogs feel no shame despite the look

“Humans have a natural desire to know what an animal is thinking, and yet we are limited to reading body language and measuring physiological reactions,” Beaver said. The bottom line is: “We will never truly know because we cannot ask them.”

YOU DO NOT NEED TO ASK US.  We’ve been TELLING all you human beings for eons (and that’s a long time).

You think we feel guilty when you don’t like what we’ve done WRONG.  There’s nothing to feel guilty about.  Guilt is when you think you’ve done something wrong and shame is when you think there is something wrong with you.

We canine dogs never do anything wrong and there’s NOTHING wrong with us.  We are all perfect and do what we were created to do.

It’s pretty simple what we think:  There’s a smell to smell; I’m hungry; Time to sleep; Time to pee; Time to be petted; and what on earth is THAT human being thinking?

DSCN5424Read this because Bonnie is a very smart human being.

“The next time you start shaking your finger and shouting “Shame on you!” because your dog chewed up your favorite fuzzy slippers, just remember that no matter how guilty your dog looks, it doesn’t know what your rant is about”.
“Behaviorists insist dogs lack shame. The guilty look — head cowered, ears back, eyes droopy — is a reaction to the tantrum you are throwing now over the damage they did hours earlier”.

“Just get over it and remind yourself not to put temptation in the way next time,” said Dr. Bonnie Beaver, a professor at Texas A&M University’s College of Veterinary Medicine and executive director of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists.

You should follow Bonnie’s advice . . . except for not to put temptation in the way.  We really like temptation and are appreciative of you human beings putting it in our way.

Sincerely yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist

Frankly Freddie – My Valentine Monkey

Dear Human Beings,

I’ve already had the best Valentines Day.  Auntie Susan brought me a Valentine present. (It was actually a belated Christmas gift because she forgot me at Christmas – I forgave her because she is sometimes forgetful and I love her.)

DSCN5554

Me and Monkey

DSCN5558

Monkey and Me

I needed this monkey because I gave  Moosie, which Auntie Lyn gave me last year, a lobotomy.

DSCN5557

Moosie resting after having his brains stuffed back in.

I hope you get a monkey for Valentine’s day too.

Heartfully yours,

Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT

Canine Dog Therapist

%d bloggers like this: