To all Human-beings: It’s time for my Halloween ORANGE-ALERT.
Don’t be mean!
Don’t you dare
make others stare
your precious pup
Please be fair!
just let us wear
our own hair.
To All my Canine Cousins:
Be on the look-out for your human coming back from the store with suspicious articles of clothing and paraphernalia that is NOT THEIR color, style or size. If they start sweet-talking you or offering you treats RUN for your life & HIDE.
No matter how many times I HAVE TOLD HUMANS not to humiliate us because they want to be amused it happens every year. I prefer to think that Humans just aren’t very smart and have no memory retention beyond a few hours rather than the possibility they are simply insensitive creatures with no regard for our feelings.
So it is with delight that my fans are beginning to speak up and let Peggy & Judy know
that without me they and their “cats” would be up a tree.
My # 1 fan (at the present) is JOYCE K.* She alone has deluged CATNIPblog with cries for MORE FREDDIE! As a reward I have made her PRESIDENT.
Dear Joyce K., Newly Elected Freddie Fan Club President, Stellar human-being and Sender of treats.
I received your payment of one bag of Doggie Treats to join the Freddie Fan Club. The are quite tasty. Thank you. I have nominated you for president and duly elected you to that coveted office. Your official duties are as follows:
Increase Freddie Fan Club membership to 100. Prospective members should pay a bag of doggie treats directly to you. You will keep track of the inventory and disburse doggie treats on a regular basis (to be determined based on membership payments) to Freddie Parker Westerfield, object of all fans’ adoration.
Neatly frame and display my autographed picture for all the world to see.
Find recipes for doggie treats that are tasty.
Make the recipes for doggie treats every month and send them to Freddie Parker Westerfield, home-made doggie treat connoisseur.
Other duties to be determined, as needed, warranted or wanted by Freddie.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CCT RET.
*Joyce is currently owned by several Canine Dogs. Her newest owner COOKIE Dog is probably my cousin. Joyce, please run DNA test.
My Human has been very lax lately not posting on this MY FAVORITE BLOG but focusing her attention on CATNIPblog which we all know is dedicated to the wrong species. She has been a bit under the weather and using that for an excuse not to go to art classes, not to clean her office, not to eat properly, not to do anything she doesn’t want to do. HUMANS! I constantly have to remind her it’s time for treats and take her on walks.
My last CATNIPblog post was such an important one that I am referencing it here so all of you who do not have a canine to take care of you will go out and adopt one quickly.
Here’s an excerpt from my post and the salient information:
I take my human out for a walk as often as I can. She’s a bit delusional . . . she thinks she’s walking me. So I constantly have to find proof that she needs to quit patting herself on the back and pat me.
“In a study published in the journal BMC Public Health, dog owners on average walked 22 minutes more per day compared to people who didn’t own a dog.”
“If you look at studies on pet ownership, people who own pets seem to live longer than those who don’t own them,” . . .
Thank you for all your responses to my survey. I got treats for being supportive.
Peggy and my human are excited to launch their new blog CATNIP
I’m getting excited too cuz I’m being supportive and will get treats for my contest.
I keep asking them Why on earth name the new blog CATNIP and not FREDDIE?
According to humans, catnip makes you mellow. (What they don’t know is it drives cats wild with desire.) Peggy & Judy want to help you find your mellow but if it drives you wild with desire for more CATNIP they’ll be pleased.
Peggy and my human each worked for over 210 dog years as Licensed Marriage & Family Therapists. That’s a lot of years. They decided to share what they’ve learned and the tools they’ve taught rather than have all their stuff blindly dumped into a shredder after they’re gone.
So . . . continuing to be supportive . . . I’m sponsoring a contest to help them be successful bloggers, like me.
PLEASE SUBSCRIBE to CATNIP so Peggy and my human don’t think I’ve sabotaged them (as retired psychotherapists they are sometimes a bit paranoid).
It’s easy – just enter your e-mail address in the subscribe box at the top right hand corner of the CATNIPBLOG site.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Certified Canine Therapist, RET
P.S. I made them promise to have fun doing CATNIP. I know them . . . if it isn’t fun they won’t do it. So if you pay attention you’ll see some of their original drawings, stories, poems sneak on cat feet into the CATNIPblog.
P.P.S.S. Neither Peggy nor my human are very smart when it comes to technical stuff. Ronna Skinner, graphic designer extraordinaire (not to mention Peggy’s cousin-in-law) helped get the cats Peggy drew, safely perched onto the letters where they can play with “CATNIP” to their hearts content (and not bother me)
My human has been laying around the house all week. You’ve probably noticed she’s not been commenting on her blog or responding to e-mails. She overdid it at her last workshop and has been dog-tired ever since.
Humans are cute, not very smart and take a lot of patience on our part. Just when I think she’s trained she gets loose and I have no idea where she goes or what she gets into. All I know is she comes limping home.
She looks a bit dog-eared.
Usually she can pick up the scent and find her way back but if you see her loose on the street don’t call human-control, just bring her home in time for my dinner.
“PET owners beware — new research has revealed that dogs don’t like hugs from their owners, which can make them (the owners?) more stressed out.” “According to new research published in Psychology Today, Stanley Coren from the University of British Columbia, said dogs respond differently to humans who seek comfort from hugging others.” “Coren, who studies canine behaviour, analysed a random sample of 250 pictures of humans hugging their dogs that he could find online through Flickr and a Google image search.” (skewed data – he left out Pintrest and Instagram where the animal pictures are more photogenic) “In using photos where the dog’s face was easily seen, he looked whether the dog appeared to be anxious or distressed, relaxed, or showed a neutral response to being hugged.” “He found that around 82 per cent of the photographs showed “unhappy dogs” receiving hugs from their owners or children.”
He said that dogs show signs of distress when they bare their teeth (called a smile when humans do it), turn their heads away from something ( just being bored and looking around), or they partially close their eyes (doesn’t everyone close their eyes when ecstatic?). Another sign of anxiety is when a dog’s ears are lowered or “slicked against the side of his head”. (Stanley, it’s just our coiffure) He also said that licking lips or licking a person’s face can also be a sign of anxiety, like yawning or raising a paw. (I lick when it’s tasty) Coren said the fact that dogs don’t like being hugged can be explained by their behavioural nature.
As “cursorial animals”, (cursorial? I swear I never curse) they are designed for swift running. When stressed, a dog’s first instinct is to run away. It is believed that when they are restricted from moving with a hug, it can increase a dog’s stress level and potentially cause them to bite their owners. (or bite researchers)
It’s not the hugs that stressed the dogs out it was having their pictures taken WITHOUT THEIR CONSENT to be displayed for all the world to see.
So hug away you human-beings and always follow-up with a treat for us dogs (you got your treat with the hug)
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET, CDB
Canine Dog Therapist, Retired and Certified Dog Blogger
My human has been too tired to go on walks. All she wants to do is sit around and I’m getting bored keeping her distracted by petting me. She blames Fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue but I’ve long suspected that she just needs a new career that is exciting. I found the perfect cure – FOR EVERYTHING THAT AILS HER .
There’s a woman in England who (instead of moping around like my human being) got a pair of feathered fans to do a routine in a bar that was holding a cabaret night.
She said: “It was nerve-wracking but exciting . . . I felt alive. . . . Even though she’s not completely cured, her chronic fatigue only flares up every two or three months – lasting at most for a couple of days. “
She’s got big plans for the future . . . She said: “I have signed up with the alternative model agency Ugly, in London and hope to start appearing in magazines and adverts.” (I didn’t tell my human being about “Ugly” because I’m not sure what kind of magazines and adverts want “ugly” . . . )
My human thinks all this is just a ploy to get her to take me on walks. I told her if she didn’t believe me to read this:
Dear Human-beings and other creatures,Those of you who follow my posts know how frank and fundamentally illuminating they are (not to mention how fantastically informative about the human condition). This post is no exception as my story The Tree has an important lesson for all to heed.
Here ismy first (and possibly only) draft of the story. Those of you who appreciate and are knowledgable about this genre your “critique” would be appreciated before I am sought out by publishers.
Once upon a time, a long time ago, there lived a tree. (I frequently start my writing with “Once upon a time” as it lends a universal appeal to readers young and old) Its trunk was crooked and all its bark was peeling. Big roots spread all around the tree, some deep in the earth and some growing above the ground. The Tree lived in a park with other trees of its own kind on the far edge of town. Every day many dogs of differing sizes and persuasions came to claim the tree as their territory.
One day, after years of being claimed, the tree yelled at a big black dog with pointy ears and a black nose sniffing around its roots, “I am NOT your territory!” The big black dog didn’t care what the tree thought, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.
Within minutes a little white dog with floppy ears and a wet nose sniffed out where the big black dog had been. “I am a tree not a fire hydrant!,” the tree yelled at the little white dog who ignored the tree, claimed it for its own and walked on looking for more territory.
The tree, ever alert for impending indignities, spotted a medium-sized dog with shaggy brown hair and a pink nose approaching. Finally, after many years of being claimed by many dogs, the tree figured out that actions speak louder than words. So it picked up its roots and walked away.
The end of my tail
Frankly & Faithfully yours,
Freddie Parker Westerfield, Canine Dog Therapist RET, Author
As an experienced CDT here’s some basic guidelines for your new career.
Always have kleenex ready. It’s tax-deductible.
Do not take insurance. Make sure that your clients understand you take only “out-of-pocket” doggie-cookies, no deferred insurance payment. Insurance takes too long to reimburse and will discount the amount of cookies you are entitled to.
When your clients are angry or unduly upset get under a table until the storm blows over. In extreme cases you might have to jump on your human-being’s lap to protect her because she doesn’t have enough instinct to duck ‘n cover.
Show, don’t tell. Most therapist spend all their time talking – blah, blah, blah. After awhile clients just tune them out. You must demonstrate these time-tested psychotherapeutic techniques to help humans develop healthy behavioral coping skills:
Shake it off. Not everything needs examining or even understanding.
Roll over. “Turn the other cheek” in human-lingo.
Play dead when others are threatening, demanding or unreasonable.
Beg for forgiveness if you’ve done something hurtful.
Stare to get attention. Don’t make a fuss as it takes too much energy.
Sleep a lot in order to think clearly and make healthy choices.
Play. Don’t take life seriously as that takes MUCH too much energy.
Should you need further guidance send a check payable to Freddie Parker Westerfield and then call me.
Freddie Parker Westerfield, CDT RET
P.S. I don’t take insurance and no longer take payment in dog-cookies as I prefer to buy my own.
Warning! Do NOT read the story of Little Red Riding hood that has been circulating. It’s filled with violence and death.
The Real (& Untold Story) of Little Red Riding Hood
Dedicated to all adoptees, whether two or four-legged.
by Freddie Parker Westerfield
Once upon a time in a land far away lived a little orphan wolf. How he became an orphan is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.
The tale simply begins: Abandoned and never having been around others of his own kind the little orphan wolf didn’t know what sharp teeth he had. He didn’t know what big eyes he had. He didn’t know what a bushy tail he had. He didn’t know how hairy he was. He didn’t know how scary he was. All he knew was that he was alone in a big forest filled with creatures and critters that ran away from him as soon as he approached.
So the little orphan wolf covered himself with branches and leaves to listen to the birds sing to each other in the trees.
He laid in tall grass to watch the squirrels play so they wouldn’t leap out of his sight.
He hid behind bushes to sneak peaks at the deer eating their meals.
But every day, all day, he was alone: every morning he ate by himself; every evening he played by himself; every night he settled down to sleep, alone.
One day the little orphan wolf decided to set out from his forest home to find someone, somewhere, to be his friend.
Along the way he came upon a little girl. She had a yellow curl and wore a red cape and hood. Why she wore a red cape and hood is not known, the records being lost long ago in the archives of the forest.
Because she was young, and bigger than the little orphan wolf she wasn’t scared, she didn’t run away, she stopped and asked: “Where are you going Mr. Wolf?”
“I’m off to find a friend so that I am not alone. I’m off to find a friend to share my meals with. I am off to find a friend to play with and most of all I off to find a friend to talk with. I am very lonely.”
The little girl with the yellow curl wearing the red cape and hood, feeling sorry for the little orphan wolf, said, “Come with me to Grandma’s house. She makes delicious muffins with the berries I pick in the forest. She sits at the table while I eat the muffins and listens to me talk. Grandma loves all of God’s creatures. She can’t be your grandma, but maybe she can be your friend.”
“I don’t know what a Grandma is,” replied the little orphan wolf, “but she sounds exactly like the friend I’m looking for.”
And so the little orphan wolf set off with the little girl with a curl who wore a red cape and hood to Grandma’s house.
They passed by a giant berry bush. “Stop here to pick berries for the delicious muffins Grandma makes,” said the little girl. They picked only the very ripest berries and carefully carried them in the pockets of the red cape.
They passed by a field of flowers. “Stop here to pick flowers for Grandma to put on the table where we sit and she listens to me talk,” explained the little girl. They picked a bouquet of blue and pink flowers and carefully wrapped them in the red hood.
They passed a bubbling brook where cool waters ran. “Let’s stop here for a drink to refresh ourselves after all our work picking berries and flowers,” suggested the little girl. They drank from the bubbling brook and carefully rested on the red cape so as not to crush the berries or smash the flowers.
As they walked over the crest of a hill the little girl pointed and exclaimed, “Look!There’s Grandma’s house. Let’s see if she will be your friend.”
The little orphan wolf peeked out from behind the red cape not sure what a grandma was. His eyes grew bigger and bigger as he watched Grandma greet the little girl with a big hug and the biggest, most wonderful smile, neither of which he had ever seen before.
The little girl announced, “Grandma, I’ve brought you berries so you can make me delicious muffins. I’ve brought you flowers to put on the table where we sit and you listen to me talk. I’ve brought you a little orphan wolf who is lonely and looking for a friend”
Never having met a grandma before and not knowing how to greet one the little orphan wolf opened his mouth, showed his sharp teeth and wagged his bushy tail.
“My! What sharp white teeth you have”, gasped grandma. “The better to protect you with” replied the little orphan wolf.
“My! What big brown eyes you have,” marveled Grandma. “The better to lovingly look up at you with”, replied the little orphan wolf. “
“My! What a bushy tail you have,” exclaimed Grandma. “The better to wag at you with happiness,” replied the little orphan wolf.
“My! How fluffy your hair is,” declared Grandma. “The better to cuddle with and keep you warm,” said the little orphan wolf.
“Oh my goodness”, sighed Grandma. “I will be your friend and feed you delicious berry treats, while you sit and listen to me.”
“And because you are one of God’s creatures I will call you FREDDIE.”
Where upon the little orphan wolf looked up at Grandma with big eyes, wagged his bushy tail, stuck out his wet tongue and gave Grandma an appreciative lick.
My Human-being says she’s “under the weather”. “What does that mean”? I asked her. “Under the table, under the blanket I understand. Weather? We don’t have a lot of weather in Southern California”. She says it means she’s too tired and achy to post and I have to do it so the blog subscribers keep reading . . .
So, for ideas I read Mama Cormier’s blog called Mama Cormier and Mama follows the blog Share Your World and Mama answers questions from the blog she follows and I like Mama and how she is so honest when she answers the questions so I thought I’d answer the questions too so you get to know me better . . . and keep reading.
Here are the question ( . . . they don’t make any more sense to me then being “under the weather”):
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? Why would I want a guest for dinner. I prefer to dine alone.
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I don’t sing. I sniff.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? Be able to open the refrigerator.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Doggie treats and the frequency they are given out.
What are you grateful for from last week, and what are you looking forward to in the week coming up? Doggie treats. Ditto.
You wrote me about your owner Cody and I will try to help you understand him to improve your relationship.
“Cody rarely barks except when he thinks I (Gloria) am too slow in answering the front door or taking him for walks”.(All humans are too slow because they insist on getting about on only two limbs).
“He thinks everyone that comes over, came over to see him”.(Gloria Human-Being, don’t be so sure that’s not true)
“He has a doggie door but if he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, (If he thinks he’s not getting enough attention, he’s NOT getting enough attention)he goes out his door and comes around to the family room door and barks to let me know he’s out there.”(how else is he going to let you know he’s out there? . . . make sure Cody carries his smart phone so he can text message you)
“When the doggie door is closed and has to potty, he finds me in the house and scratches my leg a couple of times to let me know he’s there”.(Gloria Human-being, of course he scratches your leg. Bend down so he can reach your shoulder)
“He’ll scratch my leg like that for attention if I’m in the office, to let me know the timer is buzzing when I’m watering my trees”.(We doggies are very conscious of conserving our natural resources – especially since water is the only one we are allowed to drink)
Cody, full “blown” Westie
“If you’re eating something, he will look at you with his ears perked up, but you tell him it’s “mine” his ears drop and walks away. (Gloria Human-being, you must learn to be more generous and share). Although if someone feeds him a snack he may stick around for more. I try to tell my friends to give him carrots or dog treats only.”(Is that what you feed your friends – carrots or dog treats?)
“Cody has been a treasure to have as he and I are buddies. He loves going to grandma’s house as he usually gets a piece of chicken or meat to taste”.(Grandma rocks! I would like to have her for my Grandma. Please ask her.)
I’ve been very busy bringing solace, comfort and smiles to my clients and my human being. Solace, comfort and smile bringing is time-consuming, you know, so I’ve not had time to blog. Yesterday I received a very nice surprise in my comments from Mr Suchled which inspired me. (I hope I may call you Suchled as I can’t find any other name on your blog Scattered Words)
Mr Suchled, Thank you for the poem you wrote JUST FOR ME. I wrote a poem JUST FOR YOU too.
* * *
Fred was a mongrel puppy When first I him did spy A mangy frightened poodle cross A cast in his left eye. But as the years unfolded His silky pelt revealed A dog of great discernment My broken heart he healed.
“Humans have a natural desire to know what an animal is thinking, and yet we are limited to reading body language and measuring physiological reactions,” Beaver said. The bottom line is: “We will never truly know because we cannot ask them.”
YOU DO NOT NEED TO ASK US. We’ve been TELLING all you human beings for eons (and that’s a long time).
You think we feel guilty when you don’t like what we’ve done– WRONG. There’s nothing to feel guilty about. Guilt is when you think you’ve done something wrong and shame is when you think there is something wrong with you.
We canine dogs never do anything wrong and there’s NOTHING wrong with us. We are all perfect and do what we were created to do.
It’s pretty simple what we think: There’s a smell to smell; I’m hungry; Time to sleep; Time to pee; Time to be petted; and what on earth is THAT human being thinking?
Read this because Bonnie is a very smart human being.
“The next time you start shaking your finger and shouting “Shame on you!” because your dog chewed up your favorite fuzzy slippers, just remember that no matter how guilty your dog looks, it doesn’t know what your rant is about”. “Behaviorists insist dogs lack shame. The guilty look — head cowered, ears back, eyes droopy — is a reaction to the tantrum you are throwing now over the damage they did hours earlier”.
“Just get over it and remind yourself not to put temptation in the way next time,” said Dr. Bonnie Beaver, a professor at Texas A&M University’s College of Veterinary Medicine and executive director of the American College of Veterinary Behaviorists.
You should follow Bonnie’s advice . . . except for not to put temptation in the way. We really like temptation and are appreciative of you human beings putting it in our way.
I’ve already had the best Valentines Day. Auntie Susan brought me a Valentine present. (It was actually a belated Christmas gift because she forgot me at Christmas – I forgave her because she is sometimes forgetful and I love her.)
I needed this monkey because I gave Moosie, which Auntie Lyn gave me last year, a lobotomy.