Dear All My Best Friends,

I’ve noticed that you humans let us off the hook more than you do your own kind. That pleases me.

When my Humans get upset with me, extremely infrequently I might add,  I’ve trained them to feel bad for getting upset so they give me cookies to make sure MY feelings aren’t hurt.

Now when human’s get upset at other humans they never seem to feel bad.  As a matter of fact they feel rather righteous even when the other human cocks his head and doesn’t say a word.  (An advanced nuance of training is the head cock)

Here’s the basic principles of Human Training by me, Max

• Never pay attention to what humans say.  Only pay attention to what humans do.  Most of the time their words and behavior don’t match anyway.
• When your humans do something you like reward them with a cookie. ( Humans seem to reward each other with what they want, not what the other humans want – so give them a taste of their own medicine!)   If there are no cookies immediately available wag your tail (some respond well to tail wagging).
• When your humans do something you can’t stand ignore them – go outside and look for lizards.  If it is raining you can bring a ball for them to play with as a distraction.  Whatever you do, don’t punish them.  Humans thrive on negative attention

That’s it for now.  My humans are due for their daily reinforcement training.  Have you ever noticed what short attention spans humans’ have?
Lickingly LLLLLLLLLL,

Max.

P.S.  Here are some of my friends who have already trained their Human Maureen.

Maureen wrote this on her blog:   http://moisbloggingithink.wordpress.com/

“I will tell you about my pets…people with fur…as Oprah calls her pets.

• Bootsie:  Tuxedo cat, great hunter of dang twist ties and rings off the milk bottles.  She will fetch for as long as SHE wants.  Entertaining for her Humans.  After we all go to bed she begins her howling, running through the house.  I think it is hysterical. She sounds like she is in heat.” (Bootsie has Maureen WELL trained.  A sign of GREAT human training is when you do something so disturbing to the senses  humans think it’s funny.) .

• “Tootsie:  Keeshond.  Not the most athletic breed.  They call the breed “Low energy”.  Yep, if the fireplace is going she is there.  She plays for about five minutes and she is done.  Her main job she thinks is to bark at anything and just look good”.  (Tootsie, is my hero.  She has Maureen SO WELL trained that she doesn’t have to do ANYTHING but bark and look good! Wanna be one of my trainers Tootsie?)

You’d think that humans would have figured out by now that they should TRAIN each other instead of TRYING to TALK to each other.