My unedited brain-dump – read at your own risk

You may know it as stream-of-consciousness, non-stop writing, free writing – all the same names for what amounts to writing with no thought to spelling punctuation, whether it makes sense or not. Just write. I call it brain-dump. 

It’s a writing technique used for warm-up, breaking into writer’s block or uncovering unconscious process. In the journal class today we were given the prompt “We do not write in order to be understood, we write in order to understand” (C.Day Lewis).

I typed out my journal page (I hope you appreciate the lengths I go to for you my readers!) to show you an unedited glimpse into what a sample of free-writing looks like. 

But first!!! here’s the ditty that came out of my free-write:

My tiny trains of thought

chugging uphill

Hopefully if I run out of steam

I will stay on track

I think I can I think I can I think I can.

The flower is from the napkin I had for cookie refreshments in class

Actual journal page. (The flower is from the napkin I had for cookie refreshments)

“Who on earth really understands us we are understood by others only in reference to how the other perceives their own world thru their own lens which always clouded just like the mist that clouds the sky this morning I’m obscured obscured and I obscure how I see what I see through a clouded lens of my feelings and perceiving the cloud it’s hard to know what is real and what not obscured vision filter it thru a mist as if I see with the brightness I don’t know my reference my experience no one can ever know They think they know I think I know yet my senses are bound up in my brain scattering thoughts confused thinking between the past and present in the obscurity of the future I meant to write obscurity of the present, interesting slip of the pen in the scattering of thinking on paper no one knows what this means I don’t know what this means how am I suppose to know how am I suppose to understand what can’t be understood it’s safe to say no matter what I write no one will understand NOT EVEN ME how can we pretend to know much less pretend to understand always curious wanting to understand wanting to know it’s as if a long train pulled by a locomotive is coming can’t see the end if I’m at the beginning can’t see the beginning if I’m at the end and in the middle of it all are cars filled with the unknown going up a hill like the Little Engine that Could try to reach the top of the knowing to see other to the other side where it’s just a glide, just a downhill run where the brakes need to be applied not the foot on the throttle if a train has a throttle I think I can I think I can I think I can”.

No BUTS about it . . . unless it’s my own

What scares me the most (currently) is that no longer having a day job I’ll start self-medicating on daytime T.V., sugar and carbs.  But I already self-medicate on sugar and carbs so adding TV into the Rx isn’t far-fetched. 

So today, I resolutely turn off the morning talk show and attend a journal writing class.  I know, I know, I hear you saying – “BUT JUDY! YOU’VE FACILITATED JOURNALING WORKSHOPS FOR DECADES”.  (Ok, you didn’t say it, I did)  

However, I CAN hear you saying: “BUT JUDY!  YOU’VE NEVER TAUGHT WRITING, YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING .  BUT JUDY! YOU NEED OUTSIDE STRUCTURE.  BUT JUDY! GET OFF YOUR BUTT”.   You, my dear readers, are tough on me . . .

canstock4937248 It’s  a good-sized group of people about my own age – has to be roughly my own age because at 9:30 a.m. anyone younger is at work or jet skiing.  Lots of women and 2 men.  The teacher, Maryann Easley,  is a published author, colorful, personable, well prepared and articulate.  So far so good.  

The exercise for this first class – pick a saying and do a quick-write.  We are instructed to each take the piece of paper from the top as the box passes around.  I’m an unruly student and pick from the middle of the pile:

“Breathe

in the moment

now

and be

in the present 

more”

Eww, don’t like this one.  That’ll teach me for not following the rules.  I write: 

I’m always in the moment

impossible not to be

it’s my brain that gets confused

thinks it’s in the past

or wishes for the future.

Bad brain! Will you never learn?
but when you're dead
the present is all I'll know.

Breathe, breath, pneuma

". . .  Now she's really got something to be scared about . . . "

Bob the Blogfish sez:

“. . .  Now she’s really got something to be scared about . . . “