And now the Truth about ME! If you are just tuning in and missed the first episode of I’m Fantastic. It’s All About MemeTastic Award
When I was growing up there was a TV show called “To Tell the Truth”.
Celebrity panelists questioned three contestants who all claimed to be the same person (The real person usually had a VERY interesting background). The two impostors were allowed to lie but the real person was sworn “to tell the truth”. After questioning, the panel attempted to identify which of the three was telling the truth. . .
To Tell The Truth show Logo
At the end of the show the host would ask
“Would the Real (Judith Westerfield) Please Stand up”?
TA DA!! Here’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but
THE Unadulterated TRUTH!
1. When I turned 21 my Mother told me that I was adopted and that my bio Mother was a famous Movie star who had me out of wed-lock and wasn’t allowed to keep me because she would not be able to get roles if the public knew she had a child. My mother helped me blackmail my bio-movie-star mother for a lot of money. We used the money wisely, buying a new house, new cars, new wardrobe, vacation cottage on the shore, 3 trips abroad, tummy tucks, and war bonds. To this day I do not have to work – I work by choice – because I have enough money to live lavishly for the rest of my life. My bio mother is so grateful that I never, to THIS day, divulged who she is that she now voluntarily supports me. I am very grateful she gave me away.
My mother who raised me would never admit that I was adopted no matter how many times I asked. So there was a lost opportunity to live lavishly for the rest of my life. And to this day I have to work for a living. My Mother, obviously, is to blame.
2. I graduated Magna Cum Laude with a bachelor’s degree in English Literature. I turned down a full scholarship to attend Yale as a Masters/Ph.D. candidate in Medieval Literature because I was young and stupid. Now I’m old and stupid because I would do the same thing again because I find Chaucer boring and it snows in Connecticut. I have always regretted that I didn’t follow in my bio-Movie-Star Mother’s footsteps and study drama instead of English Literature so I could be a movie star. I could have been Meryl Streep.
I graduated with a bachelor’s degree in English Literature from Berkeley. I never picked up my
transcript, afraid to see my grade point average. I was young and thought I was stupid so it never occurred to me to go to an Ivy League School, much less apply for scholarship. Now that I’m old and smarter I realize that I wasn’t as stupid as I thought I was. It IS true that not only did I find Chaucer boring, I found the language incomprehensible and barely passed the course. Since my Mother wouldn’t admit that I was adopted I never had the chance to be Meryl Streep. My Mother, obviously, was to blame.
3. Following in my bio-Movie Star-Mother’s footsteps and 3-upping her, I have 3 illegitimate children who are now very famous. I gave them away so they would have a better life than I could provide as a single, promiscuous mother. My first child is a famous movie star who looks just like me and my bio-Movie Star Mother. My second child is a famous opera singer who sings like a bird, just like me. My third child is a famous physicist who thinks just like me. They are very grateful I gave them away.
Since my Mother wouldn’t admit I was adopted I thankfully did not have to 3-up anyone and have illegitimate children. I do look like a movie star – Buddy Ebsen. I do sing like a bird – Crow and I like to read about string theory and quantum mechanics even tho I can’t understand it. This is all inherited from my Father who has been blameless until now.
4. Max is not my dog. Originally He was a fictitious marketing strategy. I borrowed him from our next door neighbor to take pictures of him when people began to believe he was real. I do not have any pets because I do not like to clean up their poop. Max’s real name is Homer and not only is he illegitimate, he is illiterate. All of the posts and comments from “Max” are written by a ghost writer named Rover. I am ashamed to admit this but am also relieved that the truth is finally out. And my neighbor can no longer blackmail me to support her with the money I get from my bio-movie-star Mother.
I am Max’s human. He originally adopted me as a way to get credibility since he was under age when he began his career. Neither of us are borrowed. Neither of us like to clean up poop but Max is smarter than I am, and probably could get into Yale, since I pick up his poop while he watches. I am ashamed to admit that ALL of my posts are written by Rover but am relieved that the truth is finally out. Max writes his own, refusing input or editing from anyone, including Rover.
5. My bio-Movie-Star Mother set me up in show business in college hoping I wouldn’t blackmail her. I started out as a go-go dancer and got gigs dancing GO-Go with the Grateful Dead, Big Brother and the Holding Company, Moby Grape and at the first “Trips Festival” (produced by the famous Bill Graham) at the wharf in San Francisco. There were three of us Go-Goers and we called ourselves Go-Go Unlimited. We advertised in a San Francisco paper and couldn’t figure out why we kept getting calls from men who wanted us to dance in their hotel rooms. We decided to turn down the hotel room gigs because we wanted larger venues. We made $50 an hour each which was a lot of money in the 60’s. I regret to this day that I didn’t continue dancing because I would be a lot thinner and in much better shape than I am now.
I was a Go-Go dancer in college. It was my room-mate’s idea since I didn’t know how to dance. We did get many calls from men with strange foreign accents who wanted us to “dance” in their hotel rooms. It took us awhile to figure out that Go-Go Unlimited could be interpreted in several ways before we stopped advertising in the paper.
Having to put myself through school I figured I could gyrate at fraternity parties, where everyone was drunk anyway, long enough to collect my $50/hour. This was a LOT more than the money I made during daylight hours in a work-study program. We danced with bands who later became big names in the music industry. The bands also started their careers at drunken fraternity parties. I absolutely regret that I’m not thinner and in better shape. This post is true and I am sure it must be my Mother’s fault.
Now, I’d better sit down . . .