Just realized I need to update my oh-so-many profiles that are swirling around in cyberspace.
Me, Looking Intriguing
Less than an academic exercise changing my profile has become a psychological dilemma in ego-identification. Since I have no specific direction I’ve decided to call myself a Used-to-Be Therapist. Used-to-Be has a ring of experience with just a hint of being washed up. I think I’ll also add BEing-in-Progress. The combination of Used-to-Be and BEing-in Progress creates a bit of intrigue.
I’m a serial monogamist when it comes to my professional identity. I don’t like to break up with my current identity until I have another identity lined up in the wings. When I break the news “I don’t love you anymore” to any job I’ve had it’s comforting to run into the arms of my new job for solace, security and paycheck.
This time around Uncle Sam is neither giving me comfort nor solace and his paycheck, contrary to what he calls it, is not a lot of security and comes with the title DEPENDENT.
I’ve worked since I was 16. So for 60 decades, give or take a few years, I’ve prided myself in being INDEPENDENT. Ok – It’s not always pride, some of the time self-pity, much of the time martyrdom and most of the time resignation. But for 60 decades I’ve never had the title DEPENDENT.
Used-to-Be-Independent, Dependent in-Progess? You’ll have to keep checking all my cyber profiles to see what my current status is. I’ll probably decide after I receive my first social SECURITY check.
- “Ai yi yiiiiiiiii She needs help”.
Two months ago I had 17 years and 4 months to live. I’ve used up 2 of those months. Time is slipping through my fingers. I’m thinking about a make-over to match my new retirement lifestyle.
My current “look” is PROFESSIONAL. I try to project an image of normalcy for my clients. It helps instill deep trust in my intelligence and respect for my accumulated wisdom. Now NO HOLDS BARRED. I can be meeeeeeee.
I googled fashion trends so I don’t look out of place in my new role.
1. Starting with my hair. I’m going to change the style which requires letting the sides grow longer so there is enough hair to style.
First step: Letting the sides get a bit longer
2. Once sides of hair grow out create a signature style, something symbolic of stepping out of the old and into the new.
Second or TWO-STEP
3. Next is wardrobe. Out with the black pants, black skirts, mono-chromatic tops, structured jackets – all calculated to allow clients to use me as a blank canvas to project upon just as Freud would have advised.
- Step 3: Reflect my inner artist.
4. Gotta take a nap and rest now cuz the thought of shopping is wearing me out and I hear getting enough rest helps the hair grow.
I’m a work in progress.
What’s in store for me
besides the pangs of my youth?
Stored deep in my heart
silver lame and muscles
shimmer and quiver
Looking at all my possibilities in retirement. Anyone know where I can get silver lame Spanx*?
Thanks Bernice. Can I borrow *yours?
in the dusk of my life
The moon lights the way
Someone asked, with concern, how I was feeling about my impending retirement. Sounded a bit like my impending demise! I am actually feeling a bit of relief and am preferring to think of it as re-treading as opposed to retire-ment!
My tires aren’t blown
just ready for re-treading
Fill up my gas tank!
Haiku Horizons – prompt DAWN
I’ve bitten the bullet (while I still have my teeth) and am taking the leap (while I still can leap) into the next phase of my life (which is getting shorter by the day)!
My office lease is up this February 2015 and coincides with my (gulp) 70th birthday.
I have wrestled with whether to sign a new lease, rent space from another clinician, buy a van to set up a Therapist-on-the-Go practice (kidding), move to the South of France (sorta kidding) or fade into memory . . . I will close my office along with my 69th year (no kidding).
Being a psychotherapist has been one of the most gratifying things I’ve done in my life. I’ve been blessed to have had thousands (yup, count ’em thousands) of people profoundly touch my life. Therapy is a two-way street. I’ve learned and grown along with my clients. Their pain, hopes, struggles and faith have helped inform my choices, strengthen my faith and deepen my belief in human courage, resiliency and ability to learn & change.
It is almost inconceivable to me that I will be 70 years old and have been “practicing” psychotherapy for 30 years. It is hard to admit that in the last several years I have less physical energy and resiliency. But it’s true. (I like to blame my declining energy on fibromyalgia more than aging because fibromyalgia should be good for SOMETHING).
As I take the leap I will try not to lose my grip on the cord of these words that I do my darndest to tether me in my life:
- “Be generous in prosperity, and thankful in adversity. (THIS is a hard one!!)
- Be worthy of the trust of thy neighbor, and look upon him with a bright and friendly face.
- Be a treasure to the poor, an admonisher to the rich, an answerer of the cry of the needy, a preserver of the sanctity of thy pledge.
- Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech. (GOTTA WORK on this – my speech isn’t always guarded as my friends can attest)
- Be unjust to no man, and show all meekness to all men.
- Be as a lamp unto them that walk in darkness, a joy to the sorrowful, a sea for the thirsty, a haven for the distressed, an upholder and defender of the victim of oppression.
- Let integrity and uprightness distinguish all thine acts.
- Be a home for the stranger, a balm to the suffering, a tower of strength for the fugitive.
- Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring.
- Be an ornament to the countenance of truth, a crown to the brow of fidelity, a pillar of the temple of righteousness, a breath of life to the body of mankind, an ensign of the hosts of justice, a luminary above the horizon of virtue, a dew to the soil of the human heart, an ark on the ocean of knowledge, a sun in the heaven of bounty, a gem on the diadem of wisdom, a shining light in the firmament of thy generation, a fruit upon the tree of humility.” (A TALL ORDER for us humans – one “leap” at a time).
(The Baha’i World Faith, Baha’u’llah)
I’ll keep you “posted” (on this blog) where I land.
Say a prayer that I land on my feet and not my head . . .
Post: I Have 17 Years and 4 Months to Live